Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

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I have a few friends who, because their DHs are high (6 figure) earners, are able to be SAHMs, and have no intention of ever returning to work. These women are all at least degree educated and previously had successful careers.

I just wonder, in such a situation, how a long term SAHM encourages her DD to realise her academic/career potential, if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?

I'm not trying to start a bun fight, I'm genuinely interested. My own mother is university educated, and has always worked in some capacity, successfully managing her own businesses with being the main carer, and encouraged me to be financially independent.

Personally, I feel I have invested too many years, and too much money, in my education and career to give it up forever after only 10-15 years. I like to think I am setting a good example to my DD that career and family are not mutually exclusive.

So how does a long term SAHM reconcile this? Am I thinking too simplistically?

Wow. How sad that some people are so keen to prove who they are that they forget what their children need. I don't give a monkeys whether it is the Mum or the Dad who is there at the end of school, but I think one of you should be. As I have always earned less than my husband, that person is me. I enjoy my time with my children and know that they are learning lots from me and benefiting from my education and experience. When they are older I will be back at work.

I don't need to be there at pick up though vest, the after school club do pick up

No, vest, children need a roof over their heads and food on the table. They need clothes. Someone has to pay for that.

The person who looks after DD at the end of the school day has known her for five years and will be part of our lives for many more years to come. I am actually glad that DD has someone outside the family who she can chat away to.

It takes a village to raise a child, surely. Lots of people to be there in different capacities.

To the point on why have kids if you are just going to work, the first time I heard that was from my (now ex) MIL, when I was expecting DD. You know what, her dad then met someone else and went off with OW when DD was a baby. Luckily, I had been working and I then got a better job. DD's father saw her the sum total of an hour a week and he went five years without paying maintenance. I worked, commuted, paid the nursery fees, clothed DD, everything. I'm betting that his mother did not say a word of why did her son have DC if that was what he was going to do? And guess what, I lived five miles down the road, do you reckon I saw the ex-MIL from one month to the next. No, of course not. Hypocrisy from start to finish.

You sound very bitter littleseahorse.

Oh FFS

Is this the best we can manage?

No, I am not bitter. Annoyed at what I have read on here in the name of intelligent debate by supposedly educated people, maybe. Annoyed at trite cliches which show no insight into other people's situations. Etc.

Sad, too, that the question why have kids if you don't see them applies to DD's dad and gm. But not bitter. Having DD was the best thing that ever happened to me. Imagine a light that shines of the kindest, most beautiful person and that person comes into your life. How could I ever be bitter?

But annoyed, upset, sad, yes, at the suggestion that there was no reason for me to have her when I was just pregnant and annoyed that this phrase is still brought out. I think I am allowed to express that without being termed bitter. It is shit.

I don't think little sounds bitter at all tbh. Pissed off at double standards and hypocrisy, but not bitter.

To be honest, if I had been in her situation I would be quite fucked off too.

fideline, don't worry, I have just realised the app has a hide button. Happy days.

I wasn't addressing you particularly little

Of course I pick the kids up from school.after school
And I demonstrate don't be dependent on another adult,by working.
I demonstrate women in employment,by career.its not inevitable that women give things up for men or family.there is another way that both share the responsibilities,or if you're solvent you buy additional support

Re your comment yesterday Scarlett about attitudes of men with / without working wives to working mums. There has been a study on that which was linked to on one of the linked professional women's groups I belong to. (maybe everywoman?). It basically found that men with kids and wives at home were less likely to promote women, want to work for women or even work in organisations that showed women in varied roles in their recruitment ads. They just could not see that a sahm being best for them did not mean it was best for everyone. My experience has been the best bosses are men with no kids or working wives and other working women. Although friends have said worst boss for a part time wohm is a full time wohm. Men where the women work part time but do all pick ups, sick cover etc aren't always that great either! DP works for a top x employer, very flexible to women returners, has women's network etc, but senior.management is mostly male and he gets raised eyebrows for leaving early to pick up kids.

Sorry that should say LinkedIn groups.

The option of going back to work isn't there for veryone though. I live in a village with many families on the minimum wage. Of those it's only the familes with grandparent childcare support who can afford to have both parents working.

We do have nurseries and childminders but these tend to be used by slightlier wealthier families.
I don't know of any woman living in social housing who pays for childcare while she works. Paying a nanny or childminder is simply unaffordable while a parent is earning a minimum wage.

Well said combusti

Well said what?it doesn't address that some women don't return and men carry on work unencumbererd

Does address the irritation many readers must feel at being patronised half to death by besuited professionals on good incomes, though.

I have 2 DC and have always worked, and have always earned significantly more than DH. I strongly believe it is wrong to be financially dependent on a man. I could not live like that and I encourage my DC to be financially independent

DH and I take equal responsibility for our DC, it's not my place to work around school drop offs & pickups because I'm the mother, we share this and both manage to hold down well paid, high powered jobs.

I find some of the views expressed upthread deeply disappointing and insulting. My DC both went to nursery, nether have poor language skills or consider any of the nursery workers to be their 'pseudo-mother'. This is total claptrap and assumes that if you are a working parent you therefore never speak to or interact with your child. Utter bollocks.

I'm now an Exec that makes hiring and firing decisions for my company and in the last 6 months I've changed our policies on part time working and flexible hours. I've hired some amazingly talented women who had been sidelined by the big corporates for going part time or for even requesting flexible working patterns.

I feel strongly that unless more women keep their careers going and reach senior positions where you can enable change, existing patriarchic working practices will never be challenged.

But actually scottish I agree with you (might need a lie down and a dram) that it is gender equality in parenting that is the key issue to pursue. Hectoring mothers under pressure is't the way to do it, however.

Lol,that's a handy power mom cliche about work.to divert from the thread
when in fact women are in retail,public sector,offices.not all besuited alpha female
The assumption that it's the woman who gives up work,or reduces her hours.not the man

I strongly believe it is wrong to be financially dependent on a man.

"Wrong"? MmeM? In what way "wrong"? Morally?

Lol,that's a handy power mom cliche about work.to divert from the thread

If you mean the suit bit -it was light-hearted. As I HRT myself, I wouldn't dream of telling someone with limited NMW-funded options how to do things, despite the fact I spend most of my working hours in yoga pants.

I did, however, spend a couple of years on a very low income with small children and it is very clear to me that some posters have no idea of the realities of that.

Lol, how funny that out of the long post I wrote, that is the phrase you are interested in...

To be fair though mme it was your opening comment, so obviously significant to you.

I won't be justifying anything to anyone. As that implies I made a wrong choice, or that we made a wrong choice. We and I haven't. For us it's the right one.