Too intense for the school gate?

[BerylStreep]

I suspect it was.

Me and DH were in Amsterdam for the weekend. Had a great time, and picked up DD from school on the way back from the airport on Monday afternoon.

Was chatting to another Mum at the gate, and mentioned we had just got back from Amsterdam, to which she asked, 'oh, did you and DH go to any of the sex shows?' wink wink.

To which I initially struggled to answer, and ended up saying that sexual exploitation sort of conflicted with my feminist principles. She was a bit aghast, and muttered something about only joking.

The thing is, we did walk through the red light district, and it really does go against everything I believe in. There were young girls standing in windows who must only have been 16 or 17, and it seemed so completely wrong even to look at them - such a power imbalance. It isn't what I would want for my own DD, so how is it acceptable to ogle at someone else's DD? DH had always been of the view that it is harmless titillation, although once there he agreed with my point of view.

Anyway, I suspect that I responded wrongly to the social situation at the school gate. I probably should have laughed knowingly, but I just couldn't bring myself to. What do you think?

Oh I would have loved to meet someone like you at the school gate

I hate the school gates. I was the one standing on my own...would have loved a friend like you op. Most people I knew were mothering types who just moaned about housework and their husbands. Oh for a feminist debate. ...

I would avoid Amsterdam because of the sex trade. That is sad but it just feels wrong to support a city which openly condones it.

I disagree minty. I was in Amsterdam recently with a friend, I've been twice before but DF hadn't. First time i did fall into the rld completely by accident. Anyway, this time We deliberately walked through the rld because friend was curious and because I wanted her to see it. It is important to see it. Or else you go home with a completely wrong impression of the sex industry in Amsterdam.

And op I'd be your pal

I do still think it is such an odd question to ask someone anyway. The Mum in question is nice, but known for being a bit socially inappropriate - she once asked my friend's mother, who was collecting from school, if she was a cleaner. (and absolutely nothing wrong with being a cleaner, but we all pissed ourselves laughing when we heard that my friend's mother then proceeded to indignantly list off her entire career history which lasted a good 10 minutes, and in the 3 years since, my friend's Mum has always ensured she turns up at the gate in full glam gear). Anyway, I digress.

We had been in the red light district because there is a place called the Cannabis College there. It is a great spot - brilliant information on what the best type of cannabis is for you and how best to take it. We are complete lightweights, so thought it a good idea to get some info. DH was quite curious anyway but it really isn't somewhere you would want to linger.

"Why bring up the sex industry? It's not a lighthearted topic."

It was the other mother who brought up the sex industry by asking in the first place if OP had used it during her trip.

I wouldn't necessarily expand a casual exchange at the school gate into an exposition on my principles, but I probably would say that I had no interest in supporting any part of the sex industry. And then perhaps talk instead about what I had done/enjoyed during the trip.

I would avoid Amsterdam because of the sex trade. That is sad but it just feels wrong to support a city which openly condones it.

I can think of many cities whose attitude to the sex trade would make me avoid them. Those that turn a blind eye to child prostitution for example.

The RLD in Amsterdam is avoidable but actually not as seedy and depressing as Soho in my opinion.

The city is really civilised. You're missing out on a whole lots of amazing culture by boycotting it over the sex thing!

meditrina You misunderstood my post. I said I thought it was inappropriate of the other mother to bring it up.

Oops sorry

My neighbour (female) asked me much the same when I told her DH and I went on honeymoon to Amsterdam. I told her (though I wish I'd been braver and been as clear as you) that I did not think sex shows were nice for the women involved and they were not something I'd go and see. She still speaks to me.

Whatdoesittake Amsterdam is a lovely place to visit - great museums, gardens, canals, really chilled atmosphere, able to walk or cycle everywhere, and great, friendly service. The RLD is one tiny part of it, and pretty much confined to 1 street.

I would recommend it for a visit.

my dh is dutch and I used to walk through amsterdam everyday to my dutch lesson.

I had actually been walking through the RLD everyday for weeks before I noticed! It was 9 am so not exactly busy, but it was pretty easy not to realise which street you were in, the city is pretty compact and the RLD is very close to shopping streets etc.

I got quite a shock when one of the windows was open for business one morning!

It is hard to avoid the RLD - I ended up there because I wanted to visit an amazing museum in a C17 townhouse.

And I would love it if more people said what they really thought at the school gate (providing it wasn't moaning about the teachers etc). Come and talk to me!

If I was the other mum it's highly likely that I would have asked you if you were wasted for the whole weekend, solely judging on what I would have done. What a complete moron for asking about sex workers.

And the answer would have been yes

Lived in Amsterdam for five years, part of which was just down the canal from the red light district. It is really contained and doesn't encroach at all.

Love Amsterdam and The Netherlands and can't wait to take my kids there. I haven't been back since 2003 (holy Christ is that really ELEVEN years ago???) and I really miss it.

I think the point that both ouryve and thecatfromjapan made is very astute. If you laying your feminist cards on the table offends people, that's not your problem, it's theirs. Much better than laughing the initial comment off or saying something noncomittal, because then the person you're talking to might get the impression that you agree with their views or ways of thinking, which could lead to further uncomfortable conversations (for you) in the future, IYSWIM?

Yes, but why would you lay your feminist cards on the table having walked through the red light district in Amsterdam?

Seems op wants congratulating on how right-on she is, from a feminist and a weed smoking pov. She's obviously too cool for school.

Mintyy I think you have me sussed.

Although I did explain why we were in the Red Light District in an earlier post.

I have been to Amsterdam 4 times and never been to the Red Light District. Walked all over the place.

Maybe it's not so hard to avoid.

I wasn't actively trying to avoid it though.