Shocked at window into teenage girls life

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I met up with a friend recently. She has two teenage kids, one boy and one girl. Anyway, she told me something that has really upset me and made me really worry for my two dds.

Apparently teenage girls are now being harassed by boyfriends to allow them to film sexual activity on their phones, the boys then upload this onto sites (often once relationship ended). In addition it seems that a lot of the girls are having anal sex to prevent becoming pregnant and this has been 'normed' by the easy access to pornography boys have and what they expect girls to do.

Don't get me wrong, she wasn't saying all girls do this but just that there seems to be a really nasty trend that boys are now wanting to replicate what they see on pornographic websites, films etc. There's even a website set up by males where they can upload exes sex footage and other males will help them make it go viral.

I find this sickening and truly depressing.

You are right that not all teenagers are doing these things

You are also right imho that there are all sorts of hideous ways for young people to get themselves into all sorts these days.

You need to make sure your dc are informed and aware of how the internet works and privacy issues etc. You also need to furnish them with the self esteem and confidence to know their boundaries and how to say no.

I've been witness to one or two things already, all involving girls being shamed and having intimate pics shared around. All girls with glaringly obvious home and/or family issues, lack of general boundaries, lack of support etc. Only boy that I know of involved has a fairly chaotic homelife too and was only young himself. All victims of their upbringings imho.

Its awful to see, but not something I worry about of my own dc iyswim.

This stuff has been going on for a fair while, there are reports about it periodically in the news.

I think that children having access to hardcore porn is very concerning as it influences and alters their growth into and learning about and understanding of their own sexualities. The impact on each other is really concerning as well eg teenage girls being coerced into anal sex and being filmed.

In a society where big business and consumerism and the media trump pretty much everything, and a loud voice from "liberal" people who squeal at even the idea of restricting access to, well, anything by anybody, I don't know what can be done about it.

I think we see this as something that happens only to "others" at our peril.

No, not all teens go off the rails. But any teen can. And amateur porn, discoverable in perpetuity after (global) internet publication is a new hazard.

The impact of really available pornography, and how it changes perceptions of normal sexual behaviour (as behaviour is learned by viewing rather than discovery), is only now being witnessed, and current teens are the guinea pigs.

Bit of magical thinking going on there. If I do things x, y and z this awful thing won't happen to me/mine.

Of course children who are brought up in naice families will see porn, of course some boys will bow to peer pressure / what they have seen and try and experience various acts, of course some girls will bow to peer pressure / other pressure / coercion and do things that are highly inadvisable / they don't really want. These things have always gone on but the porn now is much more hardcore, with more extreme acts, and much more freely available, and the ease of photo/video taking and sharing is new too.

I think that society needs to think of ways to limit the damage / turn back the tide, and putting it on individual parents to protect their own child and that's it (nigh on impossible and what about all the children with parents who don't know how to do that) is socially irresponsible.

I think it can be scary but it isn't just as straightforward as boys making girls do things.

I know of a yr8 (13yo) boy who was texting a girl and asked for a 'selfie', you know the classic picture of your face taken with your phone? Well he was stunned when she sent back pictures of her bits (she was actually out with family at the time and had gone to the toilet to take the pictures!)

The girl then involved the police and said he had made her do it. The boy was a friend of DS's who was innocent in all of this, he then got questioned by the police but thankfully had kept the whole text exchange on his phone so no action was taken. Both of these kids were 13.

I think the sexual awareness of teens is far higher than it was in my day, but then also I went to an all girls school and all schools round here are mixed. Also of course the internet is around and whilst we do our best to limit exposure and put controls in place, who knows what they see at friends' houses or on friends' phones? We have of course given DS the talk about porn not being 'normal' or what most people do.

It's a minefield and one without an easy answer.

Yes really I have heard stories like that on here on other threads as well, this stuff is no good for boys or girls.

While it can go both ways it is generally a pretty gendered thing though. The websites for posting videos / photos of partners or ex partners without their consent overwhelmingly are males posting images of females.

children need to be taught that this is NOT normal, that no, they do not have to do any of this and that peer pressure is for sheep.

they also need to work on the basis that once it is on the internet, it is there FOREVER. If you wouldn't show it or shout it in the street, don't do it on the net.

younger ones also shouldn't have smartphones, although that won't stop them seeing stuff on other phones.

oh, for the days when you at least needed to be tall enough to reach the top shelf.

I think there should be something about this covered in sex education and the IT curriculum. Emphasising the permanency of this under IT and the need not to follow sheep like under sex ed. Talking about it officially in school could help educate kids more.

When I was a teenager anal sex was referred to as 'Irish' as you could do it without contraception and not get pg. I'm 42 so it isn't a new thing.

The pictures are worrying. That was inconceivable 'in my day' when you had to take you film into boots. I haven't had sex for years without there being two camera phones in the room.

"You need to make sure your dc are informed and aware of how the internet works and privacy issues etc. You also need to furnish them with the self esteem and confidence to know their boundaries and how to say no."

You also need to furnish them with the respect they need to have for others, to not coerce them into sending porny pictures and/ or to not then upload them onto the world wide web when the relationship is over.

It's actually more important to do the latter, because it wouldn't actually matter that much if people sent each other porny photos if some of those people were not choosing to upload them without the other person's consent.

Imagine my surprise that this thread has immediately started focusing on girls behaviour and menz feelings. Trick of the patriarchy to turn attention away from men's behaviour.

As NiceTabard says this is pretty gendered. Men/boys wanting and posting pictures of girls

I agree scallop. That's what scares me the most. Females have a disadvantage from the start- boys are seen as boys and forgiven but girls can carry something like this with them for many, many years. This isn't new though- a male with many sexual partners viewed as a lad, female as promiscuous.

I'm not suggesting all males would do this, but there certainly seems to be more confidence in boys requesting this type if thing. Obviously easy access to pornography on the net, social pressures and mobile devices make this type of thing much easier. This makes me feel very uneasy.

Imagine my surprise that this thread has immediately started focusing on girls behaviour and menz feelings. Trick of the patriarchy to turn attention away from men's behaviour.

No, I have merely stated my experience which is that it isn't a one sided issue. Why does society always blame boys?

What do you think society always blames boys for really1234?

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This kind of thing - digital photos, uploads with/without permission, cyber bulling, sexting, etc is covered in E-Safety topics. This is now not just in the Computing curriculum but across all subjects as it is felt that internet safety is applicable to all subject areas where ICT/technology is used.

E-Safety will be age appropriate so this kind of would come up in KS3/4. We talk about social media and photograph, including bullying, even as low as KS1.

Thanks hula baby, that's reassuring.