Womens time

[FrigginRexManningDay]

A recent visit to a friend who had just given birth has made me think about time, particularly womens time and why women cannot be thought of to be wasting time. I'll explain.

The friend was home from hospital a few days, her dh runs his own business so has had almost no time off. I walked into the house being a bit messy, friend in pyjamas, typically what you would expect in a household with a newborn. She apologised and said she had done nothing all day. This got me thinking, why are women always expected to be doing something? Films, programmes, books rarely depict women just doing nothing or nothing of family gain should I say. A woman just sitting with her own thoughts. Is there some age old law that says women must always be busy, their time always filled?
I don't think I am articulating my thoughts well but hopefully someone will get the gist of what I mean.

You are quite right. But not only should women always be busy, they should always be busy doing things for other people or doing fruitless tasks like ironing. At the same time they must not look flustered or busy.

The only time women are allowed to do nothing - or just "be" with their own thoughts - is when they are simultaneously grooming, such as when they are in the bath or at the hairdresser's or the nail parlour etc. This is not called "doing nothing," obviously, it is called "pampering" and is judged as akin to having a hobby. Men do not have so many grooming expectations so their "pampering time" is not seen as "doing nothing," and does not take up enough time to be considered as a hobby, so they are also allowed proper hobbies which can range from everything from stamp collecting to skydiving. Hobbies for men are time consuming and involve effort so, as well as hobby time, they are also allowed time for "doing nothing" such as sitting around watching television or just thinking etc. Should women aspire to a hobby other than grooming, such as stamp collecting or sky-diving, this is likely to be labelled "doing nothing."

mmm interesting posts! i am studying at the moment and that is classed by others as doing 'my' thing

Not so long ago, women were incarcerated in asylums for spending "too much" time alone, reading or with their own thoughts.

The point of keeping women busy with fruitless tasks is to ensure they don't think or talk too much. When I think of the millions upon millions of hours healthy intelligent women have wasted on polishing silver and getting creases just right (not on their own clothes of course) it makes me despair.

I absolutely love doing nothing - usually involving a crochet hook or a book. But I feel terribly guilty and often get to the point where I am forced to do nothing because that is all I can do.

My husband never does nothing. he always has a project on the go - DIY or computers - but this is still his downtime and he can spend hours on it.

Sometimes i love the excuse of being ill just so I can lie in bed - but the fact is that all the stuff still to do niggles. plus the knowledge it will still be there when I am done doing nothing.

You are all saying what I was trying to. Funny how guilt is attributed to doing nothing.

OP you should buy your friend this for a baby gift what mothers do

I buy it for all my first-time mother pals. Actually, I think I'll get a copy for me the next time I order it as I gave my own copy away...

I had a hard time BFing my DD - it didn't really click till I had a bit of an epiphany when I thought of how a cat feeds her young. She just lies down and 'does nothing'. So I stopped trying to make phone calls or even read a book - just lay down and let my DD feed. Made all the difference. Since then I've been a lot more relaxed about 'doing nothing' including wittering on MN.

I had a right go at my DH when our pfb was tiny and I was bfing constantly. He seemed to think that while I was bfing I was chilling out so he could do, which resulted in a house that was falling to bits and a distinct lack of food. I had to explain that bfing took effort and he needed to step up and do his bit while I was taking care of our child. He got it.

I am on DC3 and DH still automatically sits down when I'm feeding DS. Of course, because DS is DC3 i immediately say 'I'm feeding DS, go and do something useful'.