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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Please help me clarify my thoughts around this Mother's Day Assembly...

64 replies

CranberryCookie · 28/03/2014 22:29

I'm a longterm lurker... need some advice...

I'm very much of the opinion that I should save my complaints to the kids' primary school for important things (I don't want to become "that mum") and it's mostly a good school.

But today has enraged me: Mother's Day Assembly, in a month where there seems to be something every week that I have to attend school for. It was at 2pm, finished by 2.30pm, and school pickup isn't until 3.25pm! So an extra 90 minutes out of my working day for a half hour assembly! But it's ok because they provided tea and coffee after so I could gossip with the other mums for an hour Hmm (never mind that I work for myself and am basically losing money while I'm standing there). Can you imagine them doing that for a Father's Day Assembly (and I'm pretty sure there isn't a Father's Day Assembly).

I know I'm being a bit bah humbug - it was sweet - an event where each class in infant school sang a song or said a poem, but it just rubbed me up the wrong way. The song my son's class sang included the line "She may not have a degree, but she helps me with my homework, and that's what matters to me."

Actually, I do have a degree, as do lots of mums at the school (and the kids don't even get homework in infants!).

I just feel it's sending the kids the wrong message. Mum's time isn't important, Mum doesn't have any qualifications, being a wonderful mum is all you need to aspire to if you're a girl...

I really want to take it up with the head, perhaps informally as he's often standing on the school gates, but am I being a bit OTT?

I could do with some help to clarify my thoughts before I approach the head...

OP posts:
Meglet · 29/03/2014 07:50

They don't do this at the DC's school, thank goodness. I will be grilling the dc's to see if they sing the song though.

Nursery always hosted a Mothers Day tea in March and a Fathers Day tea in June.

Notmadeofrib · 29/03/2014 07:59

I have complained to my DD head about the various meetings and the lack of consideration for working mums. They now video and publish all meetings online. We have a female leadership team (not sure if it's relevant)
My friend in the same town complained and was told, oh our mums don't work. WTAF!

Why bother educating girls if work/careers/education have to end once you breed.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 29/03/2014 08:03

Wow. Thanks for the heads up on that naff song. If I ever hear it from my dds (presently 3&1) I'll definitely be taking further.

Mad!

scallopsrgreat · 29/03/2014 08:25

As well as the song which is complete shite, someone mentioned upthread about those children without mothers or who have father's as primary carers (although they used it to have a swipe at you OP. Not sure why that was necessary). It's all very exclusionary.

As is the timing of the assembly which is a really important point. As if a mother's time isn't as important as the rest of the working world. It was an inconvenient time. And I think that is very much worth raising.

mummytime · 29/03/2014 08:30

Scallopsrgreat - if it was me you thought had a swipe at the OP, could you please point out where? Because I certainly didn't mean to.

I did mean that in my DCs school a lot of Mums have very important jobs - Surgeons, work in the City etc. where having time off for an assembly is totally impossible. Rather than denigrating the OPs job. There are jobs where you can rearrange things to occasionally get time off, there are jobs where this takes 6 months planning, and jobs where its really not possible.

Of course there are also people who have other caring roles who couldn't attend a "Mother's Day" assembly.

Roshbegosh · 29/03/2014 08:36

If it was me, I was irritated that this issue was all about the 'I've got a degree, how dare they?' OP rather than thinking of children present feeling excluded and rotten. As a foster Carer I see the children being made miserable by these things.

Ploppy16 · 29/03/2014 08:45

This has interested me as I think it fits in with a huge amount of pigeonholing that goes on at DD's school. In all fairness that song would have been slung out of the window by the teachers but there is a sense of 'all mum's are SAHM's who have all the time in the world to attend everything at odd times, when in reality as a childminder I often attend mindee's events because their parents have to work. Again, the leadership team is female. How significant is this do you think?
There seems to.be a distinct lack of imagination there, they have a grandparents session in the middle of the day, planned with the assumption that they are retired, when in reality most GP's here are still working.

CailinDana · 29/03/2014 10:35

Don't bring it up at parents' evening bike, there's not enough time!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 29/03/2014 10:42

Rosh, agree that it's bad for children in your situation, but do you also agree that the song is a heap of shit?

scallopsrgreat · 29/03/2014 12:46

No it wasn't you mummytime. Apologies. It was Roshbegosh. I know where you are coming from and agree though Roshbegosh. As I said the whole celebration of Mothers Day in general is exclusionary and very 'othering' of families that don't follow what is viewed as the norm.

NiceTabard · 29/03/2014 13:31

OP isn't upset because she'd got a degree.

OP is upset because little children have been taught to sing a song which says that women don't have degrees. Others have children who have been taught to sing songs about how "mum" does all the cooking and cleaning.

These are poor messages to be inculcating in small children.

While I agree that school events should be inclusive and so stuff like mother's day is potentially going to be very upsetting for some children, I don't think that is a reason to ignore the fact that the children are being taught sexist songs. Why would it be?

Roshbegosh · 29/03/2014 13:33

I do agree whole-heartedly that the song is absurd. I can't imagine who could think otherwise, it is baffling.

jonicomelately · 29/03/2014 13:37

I think if I heard that song I'd have stood up and starting bloody heckling!

noblegiraffe · 29/03/2014 13:49

Surely there are mothers among the teachers peddling that shit? Working, educated mothers.

What the bloody hell are they thinking? A song that says my mum's a bit shit, a bit thick, but hey, she cooks a nice dinner so that's ok?

whatdoesittake48 · 29/03/2014 16:57

Does anyone know the name of this song or have the lyrics?

I have seen a school plays which portrayed women as mums who do little more than shop and do their makeup...but it was written by the kids themselves. that is even worse! the dads were shown as grumpy and hard on their kids...

I have a hard time convincing my kids I am intelligent - they wouldn't even question the intelligence of their dad. But I am teased when I make mistakes or told I can't do something because I wouldn't know how...

Hmmm I managed perfectly Ok before my H was around and before the kids came along. Perhaps pregnancy shrivelled my brain.

BikeRunSki · 29/03/2014 17:51

It's called "My Mum's One In A Million", lyrics (and many You Tube videos) easily google able. Some of the lyrics are pretty good actually.

nooka · 29/03/2014 18:17

Goblinchild linked to the lyrics earlier: images.scholastic.co.uk/assets/a/9f/8f/my-mum-lyrics-524534.pdf.

Amazingly it was written in 2002, not 1950.

My children are too old for this sort of thing now, but both dh and I would have missed being there when they were small (and dh went to more school event than me in any case) because we were working. The odd thing I found is that dd would have taken those words as truth even if they were totally at odds with her reality, just because they came from school. I can remember her telling me that mums stayed at home, couldn't be doctors type rubbish and her getting very confused when I reminder her that these things really were true. ds on the other hand never really listened and tended to disagree with everything on principle (school or home!)

WhentheRed · 29/03/2014 18:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JulesJules · 29/03/2014 18:35

I complained to the school after the MD service where my children sang that song - actually the words were even worse, it was

…she may not have a degree, but she’s clever enough for me… she cooks and cleans and makes my tea…

Shock - I said that a lot of the women in the audience did have degrees actually and I also pointed out that schools have a statutory duty under the Equality Act of 2006 to promote equality of opportunity between the sexes and to have objectives which include challenging gender stereotyping.

I have posted about this before - there's at least one thread every year on this song - and depressingly, a lot of posters say it's a lot of fuss about nothing, it's just a bit of fun blah blah. Well I disagree. I think the 5-9 year olds will take it at face value and the clear message is women do not need to be educated.

WhosLookingAfterCourtney · 29/03/2014 19:36
Shock
Original poster
CranberryCookie · 29/03/2014 20:19

Wow, thanks everyone! I was expecting to be told I was overreacting!

Thanks for the link goblinchild- I missed the bit about cleaning... Grrr!

I agree I'm lucky I work for myself so I can actually make it to school events, but we're skint and it means I will make less money this month. If I didn't go my ds would be gutted so I do feel for people who don't have my flexibility.

I get the point about this kind of event being upsetting for kids without a mum, but where do you draw the line? My sister is in a same-sex relationship... Are we saying that kids shouldn't make Father's Day cards at school in case her children get upset? Surely the school just need to deal with it sensitively?

Thanks for the equal ops info Jules, I will use that when I speak to the head.

Sorry not to name check more of you- I'm on my phone...

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 29/03/2014 20:21

"Wow, thanks everyone! I was expecting to be told I was overreacting!"

Such is not the FWR way Smile

kim147 · 29/03/2014 20:32

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HumphreyCobbler · 29/03/2014 20:40

I am really shocked the teachers let that through. They will be mostly women and all of them will have degrees ffs.

kim147 · 29/03/2014 20:41

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