Come and tell me what you think of girls schools...

[worriedsister30]

My ex wants out dd to go to a girls secondary school. In fairness it is a lot better than the coed school that is our other choice.

But the feminist in me is saying no... I can't quite pin point why but it seems dangerous to segregate like that. If dd is to receive the message that we are equal, it makes no sense to send her to a girls school.

Am I reading too much in to it? Is this not a feminist issue?

Whilst it might not be a very politically correct or constructive view, I'd agree with the comments upthread that a single sex school is (on the whole) best for girls, and a mixed school is better for most boys.

I went to a mixed prep school, then a girls' selective independent to 18. It was quite a rarified environment, but on balance I really benefitted from the lack of pressure to have a boyfriend/impress boys/ fit a stereotype. If I'd had girls, I'd probably have sent them to a single sex school.

However, I have 2 boys and we've chosen a mixed school, largely because we feel that the girls have a civilising effect and a mixed classroom provides a better environment for learning. We had briefly considered a selective boys' grammar, but DS1 (then aged 9) said he thought a classroom with only boys would be weird.

I would add that a friend who is a single parent chose to send her rather shy only daughter to a mixed independent instead of a single sex school, largely because otherwise she would have grown up with very little contact with males.

Fozz - I too have two boys and agree with both or your last sentences.

DS1 in particular enjoyed being in a predominantly girls only school. It helped him focus. It was calm. If you have an all boys school it can be chaotic unless you have a very tight control on certain types of laddish behaviour. It can be weird too. I went to an all boys school and a male only environment can be very strange indeed.

Boys definitely benefit from being with girls albeit with the attendant pressure to 'have a girlfriend'.

I loved my girls school, it was truly life changing and I had a fabulous education. Not sure how I feel about them in general but my experience was great

I felt more pressure on the boyfriend front at my girls school than the boys school I joined for sixth form. Mainly because the reality of meeting a whole pack of boys meant that I quickly realized that they were quite ordinary, whereas before that they were a bit exotic, and so more desirable. In the classroom I was amazed at how badly behaved the boys were, but I think that was because they were very privileged and considered themselves better than the teachers.

I'm not sure DH would have been any good at all with women if he hadn't had a sister and gone to a mixed sixth form.

He's a rather the mad scientist and not very sociable.

Fortunately his area turned comprehensive and his boys grammar became a mixed Comp and a separate mixed six-form collage.

A lot is down to the school.

My RC girls school was interested in turning out the next generation of wives and mothers.

The girls' school was also on the opposite side of town to the boys school and there was no interaction between the two.

OP

Pick the best school for your dd.

You get popular girls in all schools, middle, drifters, techies, unfortunately different ones. My contemporaries at girls only were fixated with which boy was cool, and which girl wasn't. To a far greater degree than my coed contemporaries.

Nowadays with gang type, hip hop/gangsta cool, fb/Instagram and selfie there's a new media culture that girl peer pressure can really thrive off. With girls it wasn't about what had you done but how cool you were and therefore who liked you (slut wasn't cool). It's more 'onion' levels than boy direct pressure.

All parents need to be mindful it's simply my own experience that girls only need support in subtler ways.

I went to an all girls school for part of my education. It was an empowering experience why I saw lots of girls achieve amazing things that they may not have had the opportunity to do if it had been mixed. We were also less inhibited and I thoroughly enjoyed it, much more than my mixed school experience.

I went to an all-girls boarding school, which had a close partnership with the all-boys school (which was co-ed in the sixth form) in the town, and there were many joint extra-curriculars outside of academics. For example, most of our school plays (but not all of them), were joint productions with the boys school.

It worked well, because we received the benefits of a single-sex education, but we regularly mixed with the boys. And once in the sixth form, you were mixing with the boys, and some new girls too (which was nice, as you got to see some new faces, after seeing the same old ones for five years)!

I don't know how the partnership works now, as the all-boys school became co-ed all the way through, the year after I left. There is nothing on either school's website to say they work together, so I wonder whether that partnership has fizzled out, now the other school is co-ed.

(I've noticed that quite a few all-boys schools have become co-ed but very few all-girls schools have).

My husband went to an all-boys day school, with a co-ed sixth form, so as we're both products of a (mainly) single-sex education it's something we always planned to do with our children. Indeed our two sons (14 and 7) were both in an all-boys school before we moved to the States. However, we're now living in the suburbs of Pittsburgh, and there are only two single-sex schools in Pittsburgh (and indeed within a 30 mile radius of where we live). These schools are Roman Catholic, and we're certainly not sending our children to those, so our sons are now attending a co-ed private school in Pittsburgh, and our oldest daughter (4) will be starting in the pre-school there in September.

Things are a bit different here though, because in the US system, you usually have to take at least three years of maths and science in high school, and if you want to get into a good college you're advised to take four years of each. In fact the school our sons are attending, you HAVE to take four years of maths and science, so our daughters (if they get places) will have to take those subjects. So there won't be any question of them feeling like they can't take those subjects, because they're seen as "male" subjects, as they'll have no choice. I kind of like that, if I'm honest.

Depending on how much credence you give to your dd's view you may find she rules out single sex education. My dd was emphatic she didn't want to go to an all girl's school so we didn't consider it.