Overbearing tickling/rough play with children - feminism angle

[Twigletpiglet]

I was talking with my sister today about how annoying it is that my DH, her DH and my dad like to engage in slightly overbearing tickling and rough-ish play with the DC. Then I realised that pretty much every man I have observed with their DC/nieces/nephews engages in this kind of play. By which I mean, the kind of play where they rough-house with the DC until they are squealing and doing that slightly hysterical laughter that is very nearly tears.

I know that there's research showing that rough-ish play, more male-centred play, has an important part in children's development. But it has started me wondering why men often seem to play with children in a way that over-rides the child's comfort. It's a low level, but it seems that the men enjoy this kind of play and therefore keep doing it even though the child is clearly expressing that they have had enough and want it to stop. Why do they not do the rough play and then stop when the child has had enough, instead of persisting? Do the men just not notice the emotions being expressed by the child? If not, why don't they? Is it a continuum, with at one end a very loving man who thinks (unconsciously) that his enjoyment trumps that of the child, and at the other end of the continuum is a man who totally tramples on the feelings of others for the pursuit of his own gains (i.e. rape), because he doesn't consider them to matter.

I am absolutely not suggesting that my DH, DB, and all the supportive, essentially feminist men I know are rapists, but this mild over-riding of children's feelings and physical boundaries seems to be fairly consistent and now I think about it, a little bit weird. Perhaps it's just a gradual pushing of the boundaries that over time encourages children to be more resilient? I don't know.

I have two DD so i didn't mean it's a male thing in terms of the children. In our family it is usually the men who enjoy tickling and rough play games. I (female) occasionally do it but not much. I just don't like it that much although I'll do a bit of tickling. Generally if I'm tickling, i put the emphasis much more on the "I'm about to tickle you" side of things rather than the actual tickling, in an advance and retreat kind of game.

No one said physical play itself was a male thing! The point of the thread was the domineering aspect of the way adult men in general physically play with children in a manner which is domineering.

I despise tickling. I find it difficult to see it as playing and not a socially acceptable demonstration of power. I hated it as a child and still do.

I often have nightmares that someone is tickling me and I can't wake up. As the youngest from a big family I was tickled a lot as a child till I cried.

My DH is already starting to tickle our 8 m Ds which I have reprimanded him for. He thinks this is ridiculous as our Ds is laughing but he is too young to say no. I think as so many PP do that it sends our children the wrong messages about body autonomy and the right to refuse being touched.