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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Sexist Upbringings

15 replies

MamaPingu · 18/02/2014 21:57

I've been thinking and I realised my upbringing has been rather sexist.

I now have my own home and I'm able to run it successfully. My older brother however has never been asked to lift a finger so I doubt he could care for himself and has everyone wrapped around his little finger, me included in the past.

He doesn't cook his meals, iron, put washing on, empty the dishwasher, ANYTHING. Infact he creates mess. Leaves empty packets allover and has been told a million times to leave the shower door open but closes it every time.

I clean and tidy, he creates mess!!
And it's fine.
If I complained when living at home I was being nasty and unfair clearly! If I left a packet and a glass on the side I got told off, he does it, not a word.

It's as if he can do no wrong but as I'm female I have to do everything or else I'm terrible.

Has anyone been raised the same?

Or maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way? Maybe he's PFB? Or it's like it among 3 sisters for example where one doesn't have to lift a finger?

I am moaning but overall I'm pleased as I'm the motivated one and I have more to show for it!

OP posts:
TamerB · 18/02/2014 22:02

I have brothers. We were brought up the same. It never cropped up, but there is no way I would have done housework they didn't do.

Original poster
MamaPingu · 18/02/2014 22:23

It's strange aswell because they have the least sexist marriage I've seen. They have a very equal share of jobs.

My mum works 30 hours and does most of the housework. While my dad does 40-50 hours and still cooks a lot of nights a week then spends weekends doing jobs around the house too!

It's not like there is a sexist attitude throughout the family.

My parents are lovely, very caring and fair. Except when it comes to me having to do jobs!

My brother just takes from people and gives NOTHING back. Nothing at all, he's incredibly selfish.

I'm kind, respectful and think of others but have to do the jobs.
I asked my parents why this is and they just seem to get mad and make out I don't do as much as I make out I do?!
Strange Hmm

OP posts:
NiceTabard · 18/02/2014 23:57

families are difficult, full stop.

I have similar, ish. Or not Hmm

I could write loads but am a bit pissed Grin and it would go on for hours.

Suffice to say I recognise a lot of your OP. Is your brother younger? I have this family dynamic with my younger bro, my DH does with his younger bro and sis. Oldest child = one who has to do stuff and has the high expectations etc.

But yes there is some sexism thrown in too.

NiceTabard · 19/02/2014 00:07

Oh he is your older brother?

OK birth order excuse out the window.

We all have inbuilt societal sexism though. Even the most right-on families do gender roles when push comes to shove. Sad but true.

There is loads of stuff in my family which is discriminatory. It is complicated. My parents brought me up to be very independent (as oldest child) and I have been too independent. Not what they wanted. My brother is youngest child and doted on. And still at home in his late 30's. Not what they wanted.

Family relationships are often unfair, and hard.

You have your own home now, and are rightly proud of that.

Just don;t offer to do stuff when you go to your parents. Or offer, but specifically. Or say , Brother lets clear the plates up. etc. whatever fits with you.

Sitting on your arse is fine, when you go to visit. It's not your house, you go round for a cup of tea, you don;t need to clean up.

He sounds really annoying.

NiceTabard · 19/02/2014 00:10

Oh and don;t mention it to your parents! Been there done that. My mum still buys his pants FFS. Let go, it will never do you any good.

I expect they are proud of you striking out on your own and defensive and protective of your rather crap brother. Even to you. That's how it works in our family, anyway Smile

Original poster
MamaPingu · 19/02/2014 03:01

Yeah he is older than me!

I suppose I should let it drop haha, still drives me wappy! I just wish I'd be more adamant I wasn't helping when I was younger. At times I'd say no as he was NEVER asked to do a single thing other than clear the plates and cups from his room Hmm

Ah well, he'll still be there til he's married when a wife or girlfriend of some sort will take over and, excuse the phrase, wipes his arse for him instead Grin

OP posts:
legoplayingmumsunite · 20/02/2014 22:08

Oh we have the sexist attitudes at home. When we are all at my Mums the women are expected to help in the kitchen, the men are allowed to sit and chat. I get into trouble if I chat to my brothers, or (heaven forbid!) DH dares to carry a plate between the dining table and the dishwasher. My Mum thinks I'm a complete slattern because I don't iron and a terrible wife because DH does half the cooking even though (as I regularly point out) I earn more than him. Luckily I live a long way away.

TamerB · 20/02/2014 22:20

I don't understand why you play into it, legoplayingmum. Just say 'come on you men, your turn'. I would usher your mum out and say she needs the rest.

TamerB · 20/02/2014 22:21

You do need the men to do their part.

Original poster
MamaPingu · 20/02/2014 22:36

It is a very hard situation with some people. From my experience if I ever mentioned my brother does sweet FA and I had been asked to empty the dishwasher and clean up I'd get such a bad reaction and stress everyone out it didn't feel worth mentioning after several attempts at making them realise Hmm

OP posts:
TamerB · 20/02/2014 22:45

I just can't imagine the situation, having being brought up with brothers, where I would have let them get away with it. Even now I would organise my brothers and get my mother sitting down. Actually , it is not fair of me to say that- they would just do it.

Original poster
MamaPingu · 20/02/2014 23:06

It's hard when everyone in the family is against you, the best reaction I got was they made my brother come do the jobs they'd asked me to do but only that one time cause they didn't want the stress of him moaning about it too!! Hmm
Load of shit!

OP posts:
legoplayingmumsunite · 21/02/2014 07:06

I don't understand why you play into it, legoplayingmum. Just say 'come on you men, your turn'. I would usher your mum out and say she needs the rest.

We live a long way away, it's not worth it for the 2 weeks of the year we're there. I'm not going to change her attitude in that time, and my brothers both do their share in their own households so there's no real issue there. Mum's attitude is annoying but not as bad as the OP's situation.

TamerB · 21/02/2014 07:29

I suppose the only answer is to make sure that it doesn't carry on to the next generation.

Treaclepot · 21/02/2014 07:45

Ot drives me insane, we go on holiday woth my sister and parents, and I refuse to stand up and fuss about with the other women and yhe men sit down.
Apparently 'it's easier' to let the men sit down as they don't know where wnything is etc Hmm

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