Things you were told weren't ladylike

[thinkofablinkingnamewoman]

A friend mentioned yesterday that her DH hates her smoking while walking - he says it makes her look like a tart. It reminded me of things my DM (mainly, DF occasionally) told me weren't ladylike when I was growing up. They were:
Smoking outside (clearly some things don't change)
Eating in the street (though for some reason chip shop chips were ok)
Sitting with my legs apart more than about an inch. This seemed to be quite a precise measurement
Talking about football to people I didn't know, even though my DF used to take me. Bizarrely cricket talk was ok.
Did you all have similar?

Frizzbonce

My mum was a radfem lesbian so none of this shite ever cropped up in our house. I did get the flipside though, which was things that were unsisterly e.g. shaving my armpits, wanting to do ballet, wanting to be a film star instead of a welder.

I love my dad, but he's terrible with this.

Not "ladylike"

• having a messy bedroom
• swearing
• tattoos
• non-earlobe piercings

I know there are more, but those ones stand out. Fine with teaching me the first two - but has nothing to do with being a lady!! Brother should have had the same lectures. I don't agree with the last two, they're his opinion, but brother has loads of tattoos and my dad doesn't approve, but doesn't fuss either. Still tells me anytime something about tattoos comes up how'd I'd better not ever get one. I'm a grown woman ffs.

And have three tattoos planned for when I can afford it, he just won't be able to see them!

My Nanna told my DM and me off for going to a pub. She said it was awful that we went without our husbands. I was about 25 and DM in her mid-50s!

With DM, DH and DSDad I merrily drink pints if I fancy it, but never in front of ILs or my Dad.

My grandmother used to say 'a lady never touches her face'?!

eating outside
drinking from pint glass
drinking from a can or bottle
whistling
spitting
breaking wind
painted toenails or brightly painted nails - pale pink/peachy was Ok
drinking whisky/brandy/rum
speaking with food in your mouth
ankle chains
big earrings or pendants
sitting with legs apart or crossed, except at ankle
piercings
dunking biscuits in your tea
skirts above knees
short hair
stuff like skate boarding/roller blading
fighting
being drunk, especially if anyone could see you
smoking in public
shouting or raising your voice

I'm nearly 50 and the list of unladylike behaviour was endless, those are just the ones that I can get off the top of my head. Mind you, when I went to secondary school, only girls did home ec and part of it was about things like etiquette, posture, table laying and the like and womanly tasks like bed making, ironing and loo cleaning. We even had a small self contained flat in the HE department for us to practice on.

For the Scots on here, were you ever told not to do some of the above because you would be like a 'floosie from the Gorbals'? This was from my beloved nana who grew up in them.

Going into what turned out to be a men only bar in a working men's club - I was with my father and we had been invited by them to collect for a local charity. I was told only a 'certain type of woman would enter such a bar! tut tut!

Like a lot of you -

Drinking from a pint glass.
Alone in a bar.
Anklets
Dangly earrings.
Painted nails, especially red.
Rouge as DGF used to call it was a no no
Sitting or kneeling with legs open even while wearing trousers.
Speaking while eating.
Drinking from bottles.
Climbing, running and playing football with boys. Actually anything to do with boys really - I never understood why DGF used to say ''they'll get you into trouble'' :)
Gulping drinks - Ladies should sip.
Burping
Farting
Being from up North where 'Aye' is an acceptable form of Yes - I was corrected constantly for saying it.

I wasn't allowed to learn the cello because sitting with your knees apart was unladylike. Years later on top of the pops there were wild-haired women in high heels rocking their cellos and I felt bereft in an it-should-have-been-me kind of way.

Gum chewing
Sitting with legs apart
Getting a tattoo
Smoking anywhere
Going to a pub -- completely unacceptable for women in Ireland when mum was young so not ok for us either decades later
Going to a certain disco that had a bad reputation when she was young and it was a dance hall
Drinking anything other than a demure glass of white wine or sherry
Using tampons
Addressing topics directly -- the idea was to hint and speak discreetly and always indirectly
Eating a lot (meaning 'eating enough')
Fighting with boys in the street
(I can explain -- at age 10 I had a huge knock-down drag-out fight in the middle of the street with a neighbour boy who hated me and whom I hated right back, cheered on by all the other children on the road, who also hated this particular brat. I was winning until mum came out and dragged me in )

My sister still tries to drive with her knees glued together. My mother's youngest sister laughed all the way to Cork at the good of that.

Also -- doing my own DIY and heavy digging in the garden. This is what men are for.

Brushing your hair in public, wearing short skirts, wearing trousers, eating in public.

Frizzbonce That deserves and

Eating drinking or smoking while walking, any sort of self grooming so makeup/hair/nails in front of anyone else, farting burping, swearing.

disagreeing with or, god forgive you!, contradicting a man .... (what the fuck?)
drinking pints.
riding motorbikes.
sitting with your legs even a bit apart. Even with trousers. (What, men are so unable to control themselves they'll be overcome? get a grip, oldtimers.)
eating more than a man at the table ... if you were really hungry, tough.
shouting.

^Ladies shouldn't go to the bar in a pub.
Ladies should only drink wine.

I just order pints of wine at the bar now^ go for it!

My dad always said no one would want to marry me if I farted. This after him deliberately lifting one butt cheek at the dinner table.

DH and I have made something of a competition of farting on each other. Gross, but better out than in I say!

DM wasn't allowed to do most of the things mentioned, her parent still are very 'proper' and I'm very conscious of what I say round there (knackered is a definite no-no). DH is not so conscious and I have spent whole conversations wincing inside

Rolling up the sleeves of one's school blouse on a hot day and, especially, walking in the street with them rolled up. Brings shame on the school doncha know?

Could we add under "O" - Opinions: having some...?
Clever is already, rightly, mentioned but independent thought isn't here yet.

When we were six Sr Agnes told us it was extremely unladylike to cross our legs.

Speaking unless spoken to.
Showing any emotion besides contentment or gratitude.
Chunky or over the top (in my DM's opinion) jewellery. It had to be dainty and delicate.

Unlike many on here, my DM actually thought it was unladylike to not have pierced ears. I was taken to have them re-pierced several times as they kept becoming infected and sealing back up. She then resorted to stabbing my piercings fortnightly herself for about a year before giving up.

Us timid womenfolk at MNHQ have made a page listing all this handy etiquette tips - do share it with anyone you think needs enlightening. You'll probably want to ask your husband's permission before doing anything though

I recognise lots of these. In my case I've been described as unladylike for:

Having Opinions (also Being Clever)
Telling jokes
Laughing loudly - I should have tittered or somesuch 'feminine' guff
Having short hair

It's lucky that I've never aspired to being a lady. It's far more fun being a woman.

My nan had a real go at me for wearing low rise jeans. She said they were totally inappropriate and I was showing off my lower back to all and sundry. God forbid she had seen me bend down and a bit of G-string stuck out .

Underwear should never ever been hung on the line, ladies wash them discreetly and hang in the bathroom and remove them before your husband comes home for tea .

Oh Yes Indeed!!
'Cover those immodest elbows' is a refrain from my schooldays.
How could I have forgotten all the stupid school uniform infractions? Were they like that in boys' schools I wonder..

At home:
Speaking with a Dublin accent

Mumsnet! You forgot Having An Opinion! and Being Clever!