DD Christmas Gifts

[Climbingthewalls12]

Should I worry that we're heading down a slippery slope? DD (18 months) got a pink dolly and pram from me, and a pink handbag from my granny for Christmas. She loves them so not worried in that respect but should I be concerned that we are very obviously gender stereotyping?

We vowed not to go down the pink, girlie route when DD arrived. She is 3 and amongst her requested presents were a toy washing machine and doll. The things I avoid getting for DD are things that encourage aspiring to being a passive princess. She is feisty and active, so I am not concerned about her love of pink.

I think as long as there's a mix.

GPs and aunts/uncles are prone to spectacularly gendered stuff. So we get them other sorts of stuff. Which may scream FOR BOYS on the packaging but hey who cares. So they get a mix.

Mix is good.

Mind-boggling present of the year award goes to a pink dustpan and brush set with a long brush as well, bought for a child a little over one. I actually burst out laughing. And then had to say it was cause it was "so cute". I was getting looks.

Seriously, who cares! She likes them, does it really matter if they're typically 'girly toys'?? This subject really confuses me.

I am not 'girly' but have 2 dd who both love anything sparkly! Try to just let them get on with it whilst buying marble runs and jeans etc for them!

3yo dd2 has had a pleasing mix of some 'girly' toys that she specifically requested (dolls pram and a doll from my family), some unisex toys and gifts (thanks for those mil, particularly the green puppet which meant one of our nephews got a pink one cos there were only 3 colours), and some typically 'boys' things (dinosaurs because she loves them).

14yo dd1 had mostly electronic teenage stuff which is pretty unisex.

I have nothing against any specific toy, but I would have an issue with my dds being given only toys targeted at girls, the same way I have an issue with my nephews only being given presents that are aimed at boys. Children should be allowed to have whatever interests they have and I hate seeing children pigeonholed at an early age, it stifles their personality imo.

OP, did your dd get other presents too? I'm assuming that not everything she got was massively gendered, so it's not bad for her to have the ones she does have iyswim.

A big problem I suppose is that kids will insist on having a mind of their own.
What do they want from Father Christmas or don't you ask and just get them what you think they should have?
You can try to guide them as much as you like but when their friends begin to influence them, as they always do, and your 11 daughter asks for a small make up set and insists that's what she wants, what do you do?
You can say no, and buy that Meccano set, but you can't make her want to play with
it.

I would make a conscious effort to include other things as well. Books, puzzles, Lego.

There are some links to the studies which back up the Let Toys Be Toys campaign about gendered toys. There's nothing wrong with a pink handbag, or a doll and a pram, but those two presents on their own and in isolation send a very particular message to a developing brain.

Most of her other stuff was practical as she's only 18 months so didn't want to overload her with too many toys. So a duvet and clothes etc. She did get a little farm yard set and a couple of puzzles though which she loves.

Tbh this previously would never have bothered me, my sister was always a pink child (Barbies every year, hand bags, shoes, pretend make-up and princess dresses for example) while I preferred my bike and things like that. But now as adults i'm definitely more girly as it were. Just see so much about how gender stereotyping can have a negative effect that it worries me a little.

She's pretty feisty though so maybe just have to encourage that to make up for being a little girly girl

I don't post in this area often as am a bit scared of it.

On one level, of course I understand that gender stereotyped toys are A Bad Thing, especially when connected to subservience and household drudgery. But then I get wound up by judgements about girls and their behaviour eg. Active and Feisty being A Good Thing.

I was a tomboy. I never played with dolls, had no interest in clothes, wanted to be out on my bike all the time. I guess I was "active and feisty".

My DD (7), is nothing like me. She likes prancing around in front of mirrored doors, wearing different outfit combos, singing, hates trousers, will ride a bike reluctantly, generally does what is asked, and loves playing with dolls. She is also many other things too, but I mention what is relevant here.

This is the Way She Is. It is not because of what I have exposed her to, or encouraged her to be. Her elder brother is sports mad, and she could not be less interested. Sometimes I read these type of threads and think that if you have a DD that is not Active and Feisty then you have somehow failed as a parent, in the eyes of MN.

I'd like to say that I don't think I have failed. I am allowing my daughter to be what she is. Of course I will also talk to her and guide her around the pitfalls of stereotypes.

She chose a pink scooter this Christmas. She almost went for the blue one, she really wanted purple but they didn't have one. What. Ever.

If I had it my way I wouldn't have any pink stuff in the house, but 4yo DD loves it (I like the colour, just not the messages and stereotyping that it conveys). So I try to balance it with other stuff, as pp have said. She does actually play with lots of other things, but requested a pink kitchen and a barbie, both of which she got. She didn't have any pink or gendered toys at all for the first 2-3 years. I blame nursery

That said, I find the narrowing of her horizons very sad and worrying ("only boys can be doctors mummy") so probably go over the top challenging these messages. I We talk a lot about the charitable work of princesses, for example.

I grew up thinking I could do anything I wanted (allowing for ability), with no thought at all that an avenue was closed to me because of the contents of my pants. I want DD and DS to feel the same.

Agree with you in one sense Taffeta - the answer to the problem is not to rubbish 'pink' toys or regard trad girly things as inferior, but to encourage balance. For both genders as well - I know various boys, including my own, who are interested in knitting, for example.

Tribpot - boys knitting etc is revered on MN though.

only boys can be doctors mummy

Where do you think these messages are coming from, BillStickers? Especially since predictions show women will make up the majority of doctors within 5 years!

I don't know to be honest.

DDs aunt (my sister) is a medical doctor, our GP is a woman, the doctor DD saw at the hospital was female. She has a doctors kit (green) and a real stethoscope that she loves playing with.

Cbeebies? Dr Ranj/Nurse Morag? But then that Granny Murray programme has Dr Juno.

I asked at pre school too and asked if they had a gender stereotyping policy (I am that parent). They do have one, and I have been impressed so far with their choice of non gendered toys. But I do wonder about the comments and attitudes of some of the staff there.

The things I avoid getting for DD are things that encourage aspiring to being a passive princess

now that puts it perfectly!

And big ticket items.

OK if you are rich enough to afford new bikes/scooters every time for each child, or you are confident that if your 2nd or subsequent child is male that you and he will be happy with pink glittery versions for him.

It's marketing. If you promote highly gendered colours, you can double your sales. There's probably a reason why red/purple/green scooters are harder to find, and it's not absence of demand.

I was about to write very similar to the start of WhenTheRed's post about my DD. Looking at old photos last night I was quite surprised how much pink/lilac she wore up to 6-7. After which she rejected it!