Everyday sexism

[bunny100]

Hi all,

This is my first post in the feminism forum but I am genuinely interested as to what you all think about this.

I got a bus yesterday with my husband. There was a young woman, alone, in front of me when I got onto the bus. She said to the bus driver 'do you stop at X?' and he said 'I'd stop anywhere for you love' in what I perceived to be a really pervy way. She looked visibly shaken by this (so presumably took it the same way) but didn't say anything. The only reason I was even listening to this was because he had previously been rude to the elderly lady in front of her so I was noticing his behaviour.

I decided I would inform the bus company, and put a vague message on their facebook page. They asked me to email the specific details to their email address, which they did. This was fine, I was happy with this, they received the information, etc. Job done.

Fast forward to a couple of hours later. Somebody who I don't know then commented that the bus driver obviously needed their eyes testing to make that comment, with a link to Specsavers. I presume that they assumed it was me who received the driver's comment, looked at my photo and decided I wasn't attractive or whatever. This has now escalated into a bunch of random men commenting on my original comment on how the driver was only being nice, people can't say anything nowadays, I don't have a sense of humour, etc.

I admit sexism isn't something I have really been very interested in in the past but as I get older I realise how sexism seems to infiltrate into things. I also feel really disappointed that whilst the initial incident was bad enough, that other people think it's ok to just continue this sexism and perpetuate stereotypes all the time. She was ugly anyway so who cares!

Does anyone else ever just feel really ground down by this kind of stuff happening day in day out?

I think I'm starting to notice it more as I get older too, though haven't started getting ground down by it yet.

There have been a couple of occasions where people I don't know have made sexist comments on a male friend's FB post, and it's been my male friends who have slammed them for it. Quite refreshing.

I just wish I was quick enough to have a witty come-back if I hear something out and about.

There is a thread just up the list about exactly this issue - the display of misogyny online.

From my perspective, I don't interact with people like that online, whether FB or elsewhere. It uses too much energy and you are getting into a pissing contest with a skunk. I find that it is better to concentrate my energy on RL, friends in RL on FB, etc. You can feel like you are making a difference there.

I'm glad the company was responsive and I'm sorry about the nincompoops.

Every Christmas dsil gives us a lovely Christmas cake and makes a point of bringing it over and showing it to me for me to ooh and ahh. She never shows it to dh, (her brother). I'm not a baker, I merely reheat, but dh does do a lot of baking and cooking. It's bit irritating that she assumes I will get all excited about it but not dh. To be fair, neither of us like Christmas cake (although I'm sure they are very good and she is a lovely lovely sil) we usually end giving it to a Christmas cake loving friend or taking it into work.

well done for taking the trouble, and it seems the bus company are taking i t seriously, so that's good. I don't do FB, so not sure is it automatic that your picture appears publicly if you use it to communicate with a company? If so that seems a bad thing (you are making yourself vulnerable) and would be better to email. Having said that, clearly there are a load of misogynist pratts out there with time on your hands. Try not to let it get to you

I live near a historic site which is open to the public pretty much all the time. It attracts visitors from around the world and its grounds are a convenient short cut to and from the town centre for locals.

A guest of mine walked back from town to my house via this site one day and as she left the grounds she said "hello" to the security guard in the hut at the gate, out of common courtesy. The security guard had a colleague, or perhaps friend, with him in the hut who said in a voice loud enough for my friend to hear, "you can keep that one".

I wish I had complained and don't remember now why I didn't. Perhaps because my friend just wanted to move on from the unnecessary sexist nastiness and enjoy her holiday... but I always wonder who it was, when I take that short cut and I hope they got what they deserved in the end. I'm prepared to challenge them if I ever hear something similar directed at me or someone else.

Actually I did challenge someone at work once, but he said he hadn't meant what he said in the context I took it. I decided to accept that, given there was an alternative explanation, that he seemed very shocked when I spoke to him and was always helpful and friendly otherwise.