I need help to get out of my relationship.

[Abbigale]

Hi,

I'm in a relationship of about 8 years. We are not married but live together and have a 5 year old. The relationship is extremely unhealthy and I'm desperate to get out of it but as the main earner in the family I'm terrified that if I leave I will lose custody of my child and end up being the one that pays the bills and gets visitation rights...Can anyone help me? I'm going round in circles.

Nice angle. Not seen this approach before.

And Im the mother....

Hi Buffy, DP spends more hours with him in that he gets home from work earlier than I do each day but I am the person responsible for every element of his life physically and emotionally. He takes very limited responsibility for our child's care and wellbeing.

The reason I posted on here was I hoped someone might be, or know a solicitor that could fight my corner from the working mother perspective....

I was going to suggest posting in the Legal topic.

I was that working mother a few years ago and XH told me I would have to move out but keep paying for everything. Fortunately he was wrong.

Have you had a look at the Rights of Women website? There might be some help there.

Also you mention that the relationship is unhealthy? Is he abusive? If so, can you start documenting this?

Hi all, thanks for all this. I know with my hand on my heart that the right place for my son is with me. He has fun with his father but he is a sensitive soul and his father just wants to toughen him up the whole time.

The relationship is unhealthy for a number of reasons. We clash and argue a lot which is unhealthy for our son(although I do try very hard to avoid him witnessing it). His father is very manipulative and Im not very good at being on the end of that it's exhausting. He has cornered me tapping on my head in a threatening manner and has quite recently smashed a few hanging lights with a golfing umbrella when I told him I wanted to break up.

I called the police out after this last thing.

OK so he is abusive. Good on you for calling the police.

Women's Aid might also be able to help in terms of getting a solicitor and also some advice on how to end the relationship. Sounds to me like he is escalating to violence when you speak about wanting to finish the relationship so you need to keep you and your DS safe. WA will recognise that.

There is no custody or visitation rights in this country. There is the presumption that care will be shared 50/50 as a starting point with adjustments made to meet the child's needs. If you can evidence that you are his main carer then he is likely to spend the majority of the time with you.

If you are considering making an application to court, then legal aid (despite recent cuts) might still be available to you. You will need to provide evidence of domestic violence upon you from the (soon to be) respondent and a letter from Women's Aid will suffice for that - then however is the 'means' test. As you are earning a wage, you'll need to speak to a Solicitor as to you whether your disposable income is below the legal aid threshold.