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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

A feminist mother question (maybe)

18 replies

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 28/10/2013 21:55

Dd, who will be 3 in December has been insisting she's a boy for the past few weeks. Insisting she has a penis and everything.

I'm a bit disappointed tbh because I feel like I have been trying to teach all the great things about being a girl and picking fun girls films with great strong characters. But I feel I've let her down because she still sees being a boy as better :( all the stuff she is in to I have encouraged cars, and superheroes, and and I've never given any idea that those things aren't for girls!

Before anyone comments this is not about me being worried about her "catching the gay".

I don't know how I can keep outside influences from influencing her basically.

The other week she was at the grocery store wearing her batman jamas when a woman said to her that a girl shouldn't be out in out in public dressed as batman and that she should tell her mummy to buy her some pink clothes..

Is that what this is about?

How can I make her see that she is a girl and that's awesome?

OP posts:

Ikeameatballs · 28/10/2013 21:57

I doubt it's about thinking that being a boy is better, more that being a boy is different and she wants to try that idea out for a bit.

Parietal · 28/10/2013 21:58

I think at that age children don't know that gender is fixed and you can't change it. she might be a boy this week and be a tiger next week - it is just pretend, so let her do it.

Original poster

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 28/10/2013 22:01

Thanks guys, do I just ignore it then?

OP posts:

RubyrooUK · 28/10/2013 22:03

My DS insists he is a girl. Because if I am a girl, he wants to be a girl. He also wants to breastfeed his baby brother and comfort him with milk. He is three.

At other times, he insists to the point of tears that I am a boy and have a willy. He simply won't have it that there is any difference between us.

Are you sure your daughter isn't just experimenting with what it would be like to be a boy with no greater meaning than that? My son's best friend, who is a girl, often tells us she has a willy and is a boy, although she spends her entire life in pink princess dresses.

On the other hand, the person who told your daughter she should wear pink is obviously strange. I am a woman and rarely wear pink. She should see the tights I make my baby son wear because they're nice and warm...

Bue · 28/10/2013 22:03

I don't think this means anything. My sister decided to be a boy called Patrick for several months as a 3 or 4 year old. If I remember correctly, we just kind of mildly indulged it (it was awfully cute!) and then it just disappeared on its own. If it makes you feel any better, she grew up to be a raging feminist

RubyrooUK · 28/10/2013 22:06

Ah cross-post with you, OP.

Yes, I'd ignore it or have fun with it. Some of my best discussions with DS are about his gender-related madnesses. Although this did once lead to a long discussion about whether he could give his baby brother breastmilk through his penis, which I had to shut down before he actually tried it.

Wonderstuff · 28/10/2013 22:08

DS who is just three wants to be a girl, keeps insisting on wearing DDs dress up, I think it's because he has a sister and likes the feel of satin. I'm pretty sure by 4 he'll get that gender is fixed, I think it's pretty common, but I understand your frustration, he wants to be a princess, it was bad enough when dd wanted to be a bloody princess..

Original poster

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 28/10/2013 22:10

Thanks everyone. I'm being silly aren't I? roobyroo I almost choked reading that!

OP posts:

KaseyM · 28/10/2013 22:18

I don't think you're being silly at all. I was worried when DS told me he wanted to be a girl simply because I didn't want him to think that being a boy meant he couldn't do the things he liked to do.

Just keep expanding her definition of what it means to be a girl (like you're obviously doing) so she won't see any of her interests as incompatible with girlhood. That's all you can do really.

AlexaChelsea · 28/10/2013 22:24

Don't force any gender normative ideas onto her. Being a girl is only awesome if you are happy in that body. At 3, it's probably too young to take ideas of transgender too seriously, but certainly don't make this an issue either. Because you never know.

And the woman who commented on the batman pajamas needs to fuck the fuck off.

SatinSandals · 28/10/2013 22:28

It is just a phase, I wouldn't read anything into it. Last week a friend's DS, three next month, was insisting he was a girl.

peggyundercrackers · 28/10/2013 22:29

yep I think your being silly, shes is 3 and doesn't understand gender issues.

SatinSandals · 28/10/2013 22:44

Better than one I knew who insisted he was a dog!

EBearhug · 28/10/2013 23:11

There was something I heard last week - Friday's PM, from about 14m30. It was an interview with a woman whose eldest child insisted he was a girl, not a boy from about age 3 or 4.

tippytap · 29/10/2013 07:30

You're lucky she still think she's human. My D Neice insisted she was a horse, went about on all fours and neighed for weeks.

SplitHeadGirl · 29/10/2013 19:25

I remember wanting to be a boy when I was around 3....I remember asking mum to turn me into one haha!! Just like all the posters above have said, it is just a phase. Nothing to worry about.

WilsonFrickett · 29/10/2013 23:23

Yep tippytap DS insisted he was a penguin for months, still has whole days where he pretends he's a cat and secretly wants to be a greyhound when he grows up.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 31/10/2013 20:50

My Ds (3.5) was totally shocked when I told him that boys stay boys... His jaw actually dropped which was quite startling!

He'd asked 'when you become a boy will you wee standing up?' 'no darling, I won't turn into a boy, I was a girl and grew up into a woman' 'oh! So will I be a lady one day?' 'well not normally sweetie, boys normally grow up into men' ... 'oh!!!! You can't change and change then? Oh I thought you could change!' (laughs lots and wanders round bathroom with his willy out saying I thought you could change about 70 times (he's a bit dramatic!)

Slightly awkward question to field (whilst having a wee), as don't want to traumatise him if he has gender issues when older, but want to give him a clear idea about basic biology...

He thought you could change into a girl/ boy whenever you felt like it... V sweet :)

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