Keeping my surname

[popsnsqeeze]

Hi All,

DH and I were married about 7 years ago now. I'm from the UK, we were married abroad and have now moved to a third country.
Out of sheer laziness and lack of money I never updated my British passport to my married name. Now, in moving to country 3 the visa is being issued in my maiden name as per my British passport. And I like that!
So in country 3 I want to revert back to my maiden name. Obviously I have to check into the legalities but aside from that I want to be able to coherently explain to DH why I want to keep my name.
My reasons are,

1. I simply prefer it.
2. I have become much more feminist thinking and don't see why I need his name.

But I think I'll need to really be able to explain it to him as he'll argue that as a family we should all have one name, and he thinks I'm being a crazy feminist. I've only recently started thinking with a more feminist approach, and I don't know that I'll be able to explain myself adequately.

So I'm looking for the more thought out reasons as to why this is really not a big deal for him. And I guess just to develop my own thoughts and reasoning.

Thank you!

My reasons are that:

1. I don't like his name much
2. My maiden name is very rare, most of my family was wiped out in the holocaust and I feel that my name carries on a legacy. (Even though my children have my husbands name).
3. When I get called mrs xxxxx I don't feel like it's me, even after 7 years it doesn't feel like my name.
4. And as for my feminist thinking, I married young and just didn't really think it was an option to keep my name, it wasn't the 'done thing' in my circles. And as I've matured and thought more about it, I don't like the transfer of 'ownership' from belonging to my father and then being 'transferred' to my husband. I am me, and my name is a huge part of my identity.

I think those are very good reasons. Has your DH been obstructive with your new thoughts about feminism? Called you a 'crazy feminist' before?

I agree with others that the best argument against the family all having the same name thing is to say he's welcome to change his name to yours.

I meant to say, that was the one wibble DH had when I said I wasn't going to change my name. He quickly saw my point of view when I suggested he changed his name instead. It really is a very strange thing to do if you think about it in isolation.

Those are very good reasons. I am the last of the myname and it will die out in our family after me..
When I get called mrs xxxxx I don't feel like it's me This will still happen. I still look around for my MIL after 20 years of this.
I do know of one man who changed his name but he the most awful name.

Wem - DH works for a family member who is extremely traditional in his thinking. Calls the women who work for him 'the girls.' DH called them that once and I have him a long speech about how disrespectful it was. I may have enjoyed giving my speech a bit too much and I elaborated at great length from my extremely high moral high-ground! There was some eye rolling from DH. BUT he hasn't called them 'the girls' since, and sees why it was disrespectful and is challenging some of the other views his family member holds.
Also, as I read more and really form my own feminist thoughts and ideas I've come up against some more radical ideas that I've enjoyed debating with him, he struggles with the idea that a patriarchy seeks to subdue women, sees repression of women as just something that sort of happened organically without men systematically keeping women weaker.
I think that these more radical thoughts are where his term of 'crazy feminist' comes from. I don't see it as malicious, just his mind being opened to new ideas and patterns of thinking.

Secrets - that's sad really. I can really understand that feeling of a name being forgotten. I have an obsession with making sure I know names of murdered family members so that I can use them for my own children and keep them alive somehow.