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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Consent - is it a meaningful concept?

323 replies

Beachcomber · 29/09/2013 12:32

On the recent ‘Invisible Men’ thread, the concept of consent came up and was discussed. I posted referring to the following quote from Catharine MacKinnon in which she questions whether consent in male female sexual relations, within the context of a patriarchal society which is founded on dominance /submission is a meaningful concept; and she concludes that it is not. Which is quite a statement.

Quite a few posters expressed an interest in having a thread on the subject of consent and MacKinnon’s analysis of it. I have been meaning to start the thread for a while, so here it is.

Here is the quote from MacKinnon. It is from her book “Toward a Feminist Theory of the State”, specifically from the chapter ‘Rape: On Coercion and Consent’ which you can read Rape: On Coercion and Consent here (It does help to read the whole chapter which is a searing piece of feminist analysis from an utterly brilliant woman. )

"The deeper problem is that women are socialized to passive receptivity; may have or perceive no alternative to acquiescence; may prefer it to the escalated risk of injury and the humiliation of a lost fight; submit to survive. Also, force and desire are not mutually exclusive under male supremacy. So long as dominance is eroticized, they never will be. Some women eroticize dominance and submission; it beats feeling forced. Sexual intercourse may be deeply unwanted, the women would never have initiated it, yet no force may be present. So much force may have been used that the woman never risked saying no. Force may be used, yet the woman prefer the sex - to avoid more force or because she, too, eroticizes dominance. Women and men know this. Considering rape as violence not sex evades, at the moment it most seems to confront, the issue of who controls women's sexuality and the dominance/submission dynamic that has defined it. When sex is violent, women may have lost control over what is done to them, but absence of force does not ensure the presence of that control. Nor, under conditions of male dominance, does the presence of force make an interaction nonsexual. If sex is normally something men do to women, the issue is less whether there was force than whether consent is a meaningful concept."

Another text which was brought up in the discussion was the section on sexual intelligence by Andrea Dworkin in the chapter “The Politics of Intelligence” from her book “Right-Wing Women”.

Here is a link to a pdf of the book, I’m afraid the quality isn’t great. The relevant section starts on page 50 of the pdf (page 54 of the book).

www.feministes-radicales.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Andrea-DWORKIN-Right-Wing-Women-The-Politics-of-Domesticated-Females-19831.pdf

I can’t select the text due to the format so have typed up a section from my copy of the book – please forgive any mistakes! The entire chapter and book is brilliant feminist analysis so I urge women to read it – it is one lightbulb moment after another and wonderfully written, Dworkin’s pace is incredible and her clarity of thought exceptional. (I have added some paragraphs in order to make it easier to read.)

“Sexual intelligence asserts itself through sexual integrity, a dimension of values and actions forbidden to women. Sexual intelligence would have to be rooted first and foremost in the honest possession of one’s own body, and women exist to be possessed by others, namely men. The possession of one’s own body would have to be absolute and entirely realised for the intelligence to thrive in the world of action. Sexual intelligence, like moral intelligence would have to confront the great issues of cruelty and tenderness; but where moral intelligence must tangle with questions of right and wrong, sexual intelligence would have to tangle with questions of dominance and submission.

One preordained to be fucked has no need to exercise sexual intelligence, no opportunity to exercise it, no argument that justifies exercising it. To keep the woman sexually acquiescent, the capacity for sexual intelligence must be prohibited to her; and it is. Her clitoris is denied; her capacity for pleasure is distorted and defamed; her erotic values are slandered and insulted; her desire to value her body as her own is paralyzed and maimed. She is turned into an occasion for male pleasure, an object of male desire, a thing to be used; and any wilful expression of her sexuality in the world unmediated by men or male values is punished. She is used as a slut or a lady; but sexual intelligence cannot manifest in a human being whose predestined purpose is to be exploited through sex.

Sexual intelligence constructs its own use: it begins with the whole body, not one that has already been cut into parts and fetishized; it begins with a self-respecting body, not one that is characterized by class as dirty, wanton and slavish; it acts in the world, a world it enters on its own, with freedom as well as with passion. Sexual intelligence cannot live behind locked doors, any more than any other kind of intelligence can. Sexual intelligence cannot exist defensively, keeping out rape. Sexual intelligence cannot be decorative or pretty or coy or timid, nor can it live on a diet of contempt and abuse and hatred of its human form. Sexual intelligence is not animal, it is human; it has values; it sets limits that are meaningful to the whole person and personality, which must live in history and in the world.

Women have found the development and exercise of sexual intelligence more difficult than any other kind: women have learned to read; women have acquired intellect; women have had so much creative intelligence that even despisal and isolation and punishment have not been able to squeeze it out of them; women have struggled for a moral intelligence that by its very existence repudiates moralism; but sexual intelligence is cut off at its roots, because the women’s body is not her own.

Okay. The OP is pretty huge so I will leave it at that and post my own thoughts in subsequent posts. This one is just meant to provide the material for discussion. I suppose this thread should really be in the feminist theory section of MN but I don’t really agree with the existence of that section so here it is in the regular feminist hang out!

OP posts:
ReviewsOffers · 04/10/2013 15:39

Exactly

It's not liberation if you are not free to say no

YoniTime · 04/10/2013 15:58

Your post is very relevant to the thread mildred.
“Of course the vile horrific underside is that to be up for sex is to put yourself beyond the pale of human protection”
Yes there is the idea that if a woman is interested in a man, if she wants to do something sexual with him, it means she consents to whatever else he wants.
It probably comes from marriage. In the past, if a woman said yes to marrying a man, it meant he was to lord over her.
So we still have the rests of these beliefs today, and it’s so damn harmful.
This thread has made me think a lot. It hasn’t even gone a hundred years since we won the right to vote. Second wave feminism wasn’t long ago.
So there is still this idea today that female humans belong male ones, that we don’t have the same right to bodily integrity, (can be seen on the “Relationships ” board all the time) that our perspective and preferences (like not wanting PIV all the time or ever, perhaps instead the very common preference of clitoris stimulation) are quite irrelevant. We have had many hundreds of years of male supremacist society where men would rule over women, basically own his personal woman as a slave in marriage, and it wasn’t that long ago. And today we also have the problem with porn and how it shows men doing whatever they want to a woman as a wanking device and she should just be fine with whatever cruel thing it is.
And much of the language people use to talk about sex is from a patriarchal male point of view.

It also made me understand that since women have been considered a type pf slave class for a long time it’s understandable that men are angry at feminism and uppity women. The slaves are revolting, they insist they are human and have their own minds and integrity…something they shouldn’t have.
Thanks for the link to RW women by the way, will read it when I have the time and energy.

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 16:31

Has anyone else attempted talking about this with a male friend/partner? I have talked about patriarchy and entitlement with dh and I have identified ways in which his behaviour shows his sense of entitlement (not around consent but other issues) and he gets it but he seems to find it quite upsetting. I think he feels disappointed in himself. We both have backgrounds in psychology so I've tried to emphasise the societal influence and subconscious elements of it but I still think he feels he should know better. It's a lot more emotive a topic to discuss than I thought it would be. I feel I'm attacking his sense of what's true and rightand it's hard for him to accept how blind he is to his privilege. But to be fair I do point out that his shit of a dad is a blatant misogynist and the fact that he is as unsexist as he is is down to his own character and intelligence.

youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 16:34

It is beginning to occur to me that my own sensitivity to issues like this, along with my inability to discuss them with DP, could conceivably be connected to [la la la sticks fingers in ears changes subject]

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 16:48

Can you say more mildred? (it's ok if you'd rather not).

youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 16:55

well I am not going to talk specifically about the thing I refuse to talk about, but DP's lack of recognition of male privilege (esp in our relationship) bothers me in general.
Partly because he sees me as cushy / confident / educated middle class, while he is not, so he thinks I have all the advantages.

Last night I was very upset when I asked a man to move his bag off a seat on the train and he was visibly arsey about it. I sat down and he replaced his very big umbrella (you couldn't get more Freudian) so it was between us and against me and in "my" seat. I said "Would you like me to put that in the luggage rack for you?" (PA I know) He grudgingly moved it and said sarcastically "is there anything else you'd like?" I said nothing. I KNOW I should have said "No thank you, I am fine with just the one seat to myself" but I know that NOW... anyway I was quite upset. for pathetic reasons, feeling physically hemmed in by a man who had made it clear he didn't like me and was feeling hostile.

when I got home I was still feeling crushed and shaken, even after putting the dcs to bed. I told DP and his mind was blown. That I was upset by this. I know I don't share my vulnerability with him often, he thinks I am gobby and "feisty" (ugh tbf he has never used that word) and I do put on a good show in the main. But... I can't even show my vulnerability to him as a man. I mean, vulnerable to him, not show to him. If you follow. It damages our intimacy. and it is because he doesn't believe me because he sees me as "privileged" (which I am in many ways)

youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 16:57

Another thing. Maybe my overblown response to the dickhead with the umbrella is to do with: I have given up drinking and it is making me very open and raw. I haven't talked about my feelings about that or even that I have stopped and even been to 3 AA meetings... he just thinks I haven't fancied a drink

LurcioLovesFrankie · 04/10/2013 16:59

I'm really taken with your comment: “Of course the vile horrific underside is that to be up for sex is to put yourself beyond the pale of human protection”.

I think this really lies behind a lot of slut shaming and rape myths about women in short skirts asking for it. A woman is not allowed to dress in a deliberately sexualised way in order to attract a partner of her choosing; quite the contrary, if she dresses in an overtly sexual manner she is assumed to be available to all and sundry. The idea that women might like sex, but only with a man she fancies, not with just anyone, or that she might want to celebrate her sexual attractiveness without this being seen as an open invitation, just doesn't seem to be a concept a lot of people (of both sexes) can get their heads round. (And this is why I'm very uncomfortable about Sinead O'Connor's open letter - it does seem to be slut shaming, while at the same time she is probably right that Cyrus's record label, etc. are out to exploit her).

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 17:03

I get it. Fwiw I would have found that situation quite upsetting too. I struggle with vulnerability too, due to abuse and rape and in my more "mad" flashback moments I have goaded dh and even asked him to hurt me, which really brought home to me how much I actually feared him. This was years ago and I've gone past that stage now thankfully although I don't think I'm fully healed.

youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 17:04

Well the format of an "open letter" is awful, it is hard to imagine anything more prone to concern trolling. But I think O'Connor is outdated in that she is imagining she is encouraging Cyrus to a place of sexual safety while not realising that no such thing exists any more.

YoniTime · 04/10/2013 17:09

I never understand the "asking for it" thinking. Yes someone dressing in sexy clothes are perhaps asking for positive attention and flirting. No, not violence. If you think about that someone as a real, equal person that is.
Perhaps it also comes from the 19th century thinking. Woman is either the property of one man, or on the street and the property of all men. (Unless she is a nun or similar, property of God then)

The subject is distressing to think about and just to write about in general terms on a message board imo, but it's important. It effects us so much.

youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 17:13

Sorry to hear about that CailinDana.

YoniTime · 04/10/2013 17:19

Yes I am too sorry to hear that CailinDana.
I think much more women that people think suffer from PTSD. So even minor aggressive behaviours from men can be scary/triggering to us.

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 17:25

Thanks mildred. I get the sense you've experienced something similar. I'm at a point now where it still affects me to some extent but I am able to discuss it in print without much fallout. Talking about it is still very hard. A random thought -the advent of the internet could well be hailed by future women as the next thing after the pill - the thing that contributed to true freedom for women. It's only on the internet and mn inparticular that I've seen women's issues tackled in a m

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 17:26

Sorry ...meaningful way. Mn has certainly clarified my thinking hugely.

youretoastmildred · 04/10/2013 17:28

oh yes, it is so great to be able to get all this stuff out and have other people to talk to. It is like pulling out all the bed linen from your messy airing cupboard and having people to help you fold it Smile

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 17:30

Thanks yoni - I definitely did have ptsd at one point - I used to properly freak out.

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 18:39

Basil

Sorry been off for a while, DD is baking a birthday cake for her best friend. The ingredients don't buy themselves.

If you have issues with s.1 of the sexual offences act 2003 - are you able to suggest amendments to it without reference to the word 'consent' ? You appear to have given the subject much thought.

Beachcomber · 04/10/2013 18:53

Umbrella man sounds horrible. I find that sort of thing really upsetting too. It isn't just the occurrence itself - it is a reminder of who/what women are, it is a putting in place.

Recently I found a small baby bird that had fallen from its nest, near us is a bird sanctuary so I took it there and was greeted by three men who said they couldn't help, but the best thing to do would be keep it warm with bodily contact and then there was much winking and nodding and one of them actually said 'you look like you've got enough to keep it warm' whilst staring at my breasts. I was really upset by the whole thing even though I didn't feel scared for my physical safety at any point. I was with my (female) children as well which made the whole thing even more disgusting.

Talking to male friends/partners is difficult - they just don't get it a lot of the time. I didn't tell DH because if he had downplayed what happened it would just have made me feel worse. He gets some stuff, but he is still a man with male entitlement and privilege.

OP posts:
BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 18:58

This is a thread about the concept of consent Beatrix - the whole concept, the ideas behind it, the way sex and rape are defined in our culture as well as in our law and where consent fits into that.

It's not a narrow legalistic discussion about how we can change one piece of legislation, so no, I'm not that interested in going down that path, tbh. I'm more interested in the cultural acceptance of the concept of consent and what that says about our assumptions about sex.

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 19:19

You appeared interested in your H&H article. Not so keen now though. Ok, I'm fine with that. It never was going to be easy. Bye

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 19:54

I am interested in it. I'm just not as interested as in the wider issues that this thread is discussing. Smile

sinistersal · 04/10/2013 19:55
Hmm
sinistersal · 04/10/2013 19:55

scrap that

wrong thread

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 20:02
Grin