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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Consent - is it a meaningful concept?

323 replies

Beachcomber · 29/09/2013 12:32

On the recent ‘Invisible Men’ thread, the concept of consent came up and was discussed. I posted referring to the following quote from Catharine MacKinnon in which she questions whether consent in male female sexual relations, within the context of a patriarchal society which is founded on dominance /submission is a meaningful concept; and she concludes that it is not. Which is quite a statement.

Quite a few posters expressed an interest in having a thread on the subject of consent and MacKinnon’s analysis of it. I have been meaning to start the thread for a while, so here it is.

Here is the quote from MacKinnon. It is from her book “Toward a Feminist Theory of the State”, specifically from the chapter ‘Rape: On Coercion and Consent’ which you can read Rape: On Coercion and Consent here (It does help to read the whole chapter which is a searing piece of feminist analysis from an utterly brilliant woman. )

"The deeper problem is that women are socialized to passive receptivity; may have or perceive no alternative to acquiescence; may prefer it to the escalated risk of injury and the humiliation of a lost fight; submit to survive. Also, force and desire are not mutually exclusive under male supremacy. So long as dominance is eroticized, they never will be. Some women eroticize dominance and submission; it beats feeling forced. Sexual intercourse may be deeply unwanted, the women would never have initiated it, yet no force may be present. So much force may have been used that the woman never risked saying no. Force may be used, yet the woman prefer the sex - to avoid more force or because she, too, eroticizes dominance. Women and men know this. Considering rape as violence not sex evades, at the moment it most seems to confront, the issue of who controls women's sexuality and the dominance/submission dynamic that has defined it. When sex is violent, women may have lost control over what is done to them, but absence of force does not ensure the presence of that control. Nor, under conditions of male dominance, does the presence of force make an interaction nonsexual. If sex is normally something men do to women, the issue is less whether there was force than whether consent is a meaningful concept."

Another text which was brought up in the discussion was the section on sexual intelligence by Andrea Dworkin in the chapter “The Politics of Intelligence” from her book “Right-Wing Women”.

Here is a link to a pdf of the book, I’m afraid the quality isn’t great. The relevant section starts on page 50 of the pdf (page 54 of the book).

www.feministes-radicales.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Andrea-DWORKIN-Right-Wing-Women-The-Politics-of-Domesticated-Females-19831.pdf

I can’t select the text due to the format so have typed up a section from my copy of the book – please forgive any mistakes! The entire chapter and book is brilliant feminist analysis so I urge women to read it – it is one lightbulb moment after another and wonderfully written, Dworkin’s pace is incredible and her clarity of thought exceptional. (I have added some paragraphs in order to make it easier to read.)

“Sexual intelligence asserts itself through sexual integrity, a dimension of values and actions forbidden to women. Sexual intelligence would have to be rooted first and foremost in the honest possession of one’s own body, and women exist to be possessed by others, namely men. The possession of one’s own body would have to be absolute and entirely realised for the intelligence to thrive in the world of action. Sexual intelligence, like moral intelligence would have to confront the great issues of cruelty and tenderness; but where moral intelligence must tangle with questions of right and wrong, sexual intelligence would have to tangle with questions of dominance and submission.

One preordained to be fucked has no need to exercise sexual intelligence, no opportunity to exercise it, no argument that justifies exercising it. To keep the woman sexually acquiescent, the capacity for sexual intelligence must be prohibited to her; and it is. Her clitoris is denied; her capacity for pleasure is distorted and defamed; her erotic values are slandered and insulted; her desire to value her body as her own is paralyzed and maimed. She is turned into an occasion for male pleasure, an object of male desire, a thing to be used; and any wilful expression of her sexuality in the world unmediated by men or male values is punished. She is used as a slut or a lady; but sexual intelligence cannot manifest in a human being whose predestined purpose is to be exploited through sex.

Sexual intelligence constructs its own use: it begins with the whole body, not one that has already been cut into parts and fetishized; it begins with a self-respecting body, not one that is characterized by class as dirty, wanton and slavish; it acts in the world, a world it enters on its own, with freedom as well as with passion. Sexual intelligence cannot live behind locked doors, any more than any other kind of intelligence can. Sexual intelligence cannot exist defensively, keeping out rape. Sexual intelligence cannot be decorative or pretty or coy or timid, nor can it live on a diet of contempt and abuse and hatred of its human form. Sexual intelligence is not animal, it is human; it has values; it sets limits that are meaningful to the whole person and personality, which must live in history and in the world.

Women have found the development and exercise of sexual intelligence more difficult than any other kind: women have learned to read; women have acquired intellect; women have had so much creative intelligence that even despisal and isolation and punishment have not been able to squeeze it out of them; women have struggled for a moral intelligence that by its very existence repudiates moralism; but sexual intelligence is cut off at its roots, because the women’s body is not her own.

Okay. The OP is pretty huge so I will leave it at that and post my own thoughts in subsequent posts. This one is just meant to provide the material for discussion. I suppose this thread should really be in the feminist theory section of MN but I don’t really agree with the existence of that section so here it is in the regular feminist hang out!

OP posts:
Beachcomber · 04/10/2013 01:48

Registary - I'm not sure that rape (or at least what rape is to women) has ever been taken seriously by society. I mean rape as in all rape - not just stranger rape or rape with additional violence.

It took feminists a long time to get marital rape taken seriously and considering how few rapists ever end up being punished for raping I don't think that we can consider that society takes it seriously from a female perspective.

Now what I do think is taken seriously is rape from a male dominated perspective. That is, it is seen as a very serious and harmful thing for a man to be considered a rapist. To the point where a lot of the time society would rather not call rape rape and bends over backwards to not call a man a rapist.

It seems that in patriarchal society it is a terrible thing to be considered a rapist. Almost more terrible than actually being raped. Which is a kind of upside down way of looking at things isn't it?

Let me get this straight- you lot think a woman can be "raped" even if she gives consent??

I don't want to speak for anyone other than myself on this thread, but yes, I do. This thread was born out of another thread we had on here about the men who use prostitutes - and the concept of consent was discussed a little and some of us questioned consent as a meaningful concept.

If someone holds a gun to a woman's head and then asks if she consents to sex, do you think that consent is valid? If that person then has intercourse with the woman whilst holding the gun to her head, do you think that is rape? (The law does consider this rape BTW even if the woman consented, the consent is invalidated by the use of threat of violence.)

What about if the gun wielder is a pimp and he isn't actually in the room at the time intercourse takes place and the woman consents to sex with a punter for money even though she doesn't want to. Do you think that consent is valid?

What about if a woman is in an abusive relationship and she is afraid of being hurt if she doesn't consent to sex, do you think that consent is valid?

These are extreme examples. But they are not uncommon.

Then once one begins to question the validity of consent in situations of extreme violence, and find it wanting, the logical thing to do is examine the validity of consent as a concept in less obviously violent or coercive situations.

Such as a woman consenting to sex after being pestered by a partner. Or consenting after a partner suggests that he will leave her otherwise.

OP posts:
registary · 04/10/2013 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

BitBewildered · 04/10/2013 01:56

registary's thoughts on rape

Beachcomber · 04/10/2013 01:56

Ah so in some situations, you agree that a woman can be raped even if she gives consent.

We're just chewing the fat on what that means and what other situations the above might occur in.

OP posts:
registary · 04/10/2013 01:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Beachcomber · 04/10/2013 01:59

Thanks for that BitBewildered

OP posts:
CailinDana · 04/10/2013 07:07

Sorry registary are our 177 posts getting in your way? Or do you object to us talking or something?

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 08:18

registary this discussion is way over your head, please stop interrupting it.

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 08:25

A puddle is well over his head, basil.

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 08:50
Grin

I had my suspicions...

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 09:17

Beachcomber 'Or consenting after a partner suggests that he will leave her otherwise.'

Lets try to regard women as adults shall we ?

People don't have a duty to stay in relationships. People should be free to decide when to leave relationships for whatever reason they chose or merely on a whim. But, if things aren't working out to such an extent that separating is a serious consideration, then a reasonable thing to do is to talk problems through. Ought the man in your imagined example merely leave one day without word ? Is that preferable ?

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 09:34

Beatrix what's your point?

How does it relate to the nature of consent?

I'm not quite following what you're saying, can you elaborate a little bit on what you're saying about consent here? I'm not quite sure what you're saying about that situation and consent?

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 09:37

Grin Sorry that was repetitive wasn't it. Making eggs at the same time so possibly not focusing properly. (Mmmm, soft yolks, mmmm)

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 09:58

Basil

As adults we all often face making decisions that are unpalatable. If the man in Beachcomer's example wants to finish the relationship because their sex life is unsatisfactory, then show him the door - wishing him all the best for future.

If the women instead decides to agree to sex as she wants to remain in a relationship with that particular man, then therein the consent - given as an adult after some considerations of her options.

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 10:07

Beatrix, I think there's a difference between "my dear wife, I love you but we haven't had sex for years and I'm very unhappy, can we work on it or should we split up?" And "come and fuck me now or I'm leaving you for someone who will."

I think Beach probably had something like the latter in mind.

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 10:21

Mod

My turn to ask for clarification - what are you saying about consent in the latter ? Does this particular man have a duty to stay with this particular women ?

BasilBabyEater · 04/10/2013 10:26

But isn't that why we're arguing that consent is a crap concept?

I'm not really interested in the legalities here (for now), just in human relationships; if we didn't live in a male supremacist society, the concept of consent wouldn't even exist. It would be meaningless, because it wouldn't occur to normal people that it was acceptable, normal behaviour to blackmail someone into sex.

But in our society people blackmail each other into sex all the time and it's considered OK really. Not top-notch or anything, not the gold standard, but by no means incredibly, awfully scummy, as it should be - just a bit bad-mannered, like putting a buttered knife into the jam-jar. Not worth getting angry about.

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 10:26

Mod

And for that matter, what are you saying about consent in your first example ?

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 10:32

The first example is a person in a couple asking to explore a pr

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 10:37

The first example is a person in a couple asking to explore a problem together.

The second is a threat. If the second led to the woman and the man having sex, I would not consider that rape, but I would consider it pretty scummy, as basil says, and I also find it really hard to understand why anyone would want to have sex with a partner (of either sex) who was in bed with them as a direct result of them saying something like that.

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 10:53

Mod

I think the CPS would agree with you - referring it back as a 'no crime'

MatildaWhispers · 04/10/2013 10:56

There is a massive grey area between the scenario where a woman consents because she feels pressure not to say no (but with no overt force being used) and a woman consenting because the man has a gun. Although registary has been deleted, I wonder what he would have made of the following example.
This happened to me a long time ago.

I had an important appointment to get to. My partner was giving me a lift to the appointment. He drove a different way, stopping somewhere else on the pretext of collecting something he needed on the way to the appointment. He stopped the car, he insisted we had time for sex. I didn't want sex, I also did not believe there was time for it, I just wanted to get to my appointment. He became increasingly angry with me, and in the end I had to consent to having sex. It was obvious to him I didn't want to. I had to consent or he would have made me miss an important meeting. So was my consent meaningful in any way? I don't see that it was.

ModeratelyObvious · 04/10/2013 11:02

Matilda, sorry that happened. Flowers

MatildaWhispers · 04/10/2013 11:09

It's ok, it was a long time ago. But sometimes these discussions get so theoretical and I hope personal experience helps to show how messy rl can be in comparison.

Beatrixparty · 04/10/2013 11:14

Matilda

Cases are driven by their facts. On those facts, I'd say that the offence of rape is made out.