I feel as though something terrible happened to me in my past which I don't remember or have blocked out. I have so many issues and feel I can relate to women who have been sexually assaulted. At times I've been highly sexed and enjoyed sex but others I feel very vulnerable about it and disgusted/unable to do certain things. Lately I hadn't been able to bring myself to be near dp or do the deed just kept feeling dirty,used. Love and sex have always been confused/tangled up with me. I've had issues with drink and drugs in the past and been taken advantage of at least twice and I'm surprised not more tho whether like I say I just don't remember who knows...? Are there any ways of finding out? Therapy of some sort? Also stumbled across porn online. Was looking for soft general things but internet is just flooded with revolting things all degrading women and I keep thinking are all men into this? Is this what my dp secretly would like?? I'm starting to hate men in general and just feel like crying. What is wrong with me?