Is the AlphaParent anti-feminist?

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

Was pondering this earlier. AlphaParent on FB, if you don't know, is a very pro-breastfeeding page. It's sort of hard to describe what they post, but it's mostly links to other articles and then they rip apart formula feeding and people's reasons for it. This grates on me a bit, as while I do think BF is the biological norm and women should be given as much support as they want/need, at the end of the day it's a choice.

There was a link today to an article on '15 Good Reasons for Formula Feeding Every Mom Can Agree On'. Some of the listed reasons included FF helping with their PND, lack of resources to pump at work, having cancer treatments, finding it incompatible with a demanding carer. These got ripped to shred on the AP, posters saying 'well, did you want a career or a baby' and lots of people saying things along the lines of 'how selfish are you for wanting to do anything other than what is best for your baby'. My favourite included someone pointing out that if she could carry on breastfeeding while having a brain tumour removed, then anyone could carry on during their cancer treatment. Obviously.

So does this count as anti-feminist? I just find the tone of the whole thing incredibly judgemental and anti-women. As if, by not breastfeeding, we are somehow failing as women and mothers and if only we had tried harder and not wanted to do anything other than parent and feed then we would have succeeded rather than failed at infant feeding.

I'm feeling a bit grim today, so sorry if this is a bit obtuse. I'm sure I've got a point in there somewhere if someone can help me unpick it?

Yes, it is anti-feminist. Feminism is all about choice. And considering yourself a human being with needs every bit as valid as those as your baby, so the whole Martyr Mother is very anti-feminist.

I just took a look at the blog, there's an article about Nazism which if read in the abstract is kind if amusing.

The rest of it is a bit meh.

Totally ant-feminist. I am a member of the Analytical Armadillo page which is usually great but it does have a faction that decrys women having issues with exhaustion, for example, as in 'what did you expect', 'why have abies if you can't stand the tiredness' and other such non-sensical statements. How do you know how you are going to cope with extreme tiredness or breast-feeding until you are there? You've never done it before and no amount of reading up will get you ready for the 24hr a day dependency a small baby/child brings. In addition some women have more support than others. That isn't always apparent until the baby arrives either!

I don't agree that feminism is all about choice at all, as choice is loaded but making a woman feel shit about her choices isn't what feminism is about either.

I agree and don't get why people are so quick to judge others over very personal choices/issues.

scallops I totally agree. People don't seem to understand that everyone's experience is different! I'm coping quite well with my new dd. She sleeps well and my nipples are in one piece. However, I understand that this is because im very very lucky not because I'm bloody mother ofthe year. Every baby is different. I fully expect that next time I'll more than likely have a child that gets me up every half an hour in the night.

I feel it is anti-feminist (and doesn't really do BF, or BF supporters, many favours. Like scallops I prefer AA who is pro-BF without being anti FF) too.
Many mothers don't get the right support and people like Alpha parent don't take this into account or seem to realise that, while human milk is health-wise better, sometimes the right decision for mother and family is to FF or mix-feed.
It's putting all the responsibility of parenting on to mothers and setting them up against an unattainable ideal.

"It's putting all the responsibility of parenting on to mothers and setting them up against an unattainable ideal."

scallops bit nervous actually as got an appointment re dd's upper lip tie tomorrow. Did your dc's tongue tie get sorted ok?

Its the baby martyrdom that pisses me off. It is expected nowadays but never from dads,always from mothers. Its almost a taboo to admit to using formula/a jar of puree/non organic cotton babygros and there's an expectation of justification for using it,and the AP fanclub ready to pick apart your reasons. No father would ever be subjected to why he feeds his child formula. No wonder pnd is on the rise if this sort of bull is available so easily.
Imagine a sleep deprived new mother,still sore from giving birth,breasts heavy aching and full crying with tiredness googles Which is the best formula. I think we can all guess what appears. Women not only face judgement in the workplace but they also face even more harsh judgement in motherhood.

Spot on Rex

My DP read some of this stuff and really took some of it to heart. It's mean, nasty, judgemental at best.

I just googled 'which is the best formula' and there was nothing unpleasant or critical. In your particular example, if that mum wants to BF surely getting her decent support would be better than handing her a bottle of formula?

Personally my issue is more with this particular blog. It's unsupportive of almost all choices mothers make, apart from being a SAHM and BFing. I suspect it's the lack of proper support that causes a lot of PND etc. AA has a couple of good blog posts on this here's one if you're interested

I had read Alpha Parent's blog initially for the breastfeeding information when my DD was first born. I did find it to be a good resource for that. But only that.

She wrote her own little quiz about "What Type of Parent" you are, and basically, if you don't do what she believes is an acceptable parenting choice, you're a bad mother. So, working, sleep training, the kind of foods you feed your children, right down to the clothes you buy for yourself and your children, are completely ripped apart with criticism. Making it perfectly clear what answers she would choose, those "results" are explained as that of a mother who would do anything for her children. Basically, do it this way or don't be a mother.

She claims she's a feminist (okay, I do enjoy her feminist children's book reviews too,) but anyone who bashes other mothers for any and every choice they make doesn't make her any better a mother. It makes a bully.

Yes mysterymeg it did. But not before quite a lot of pain (!) and a few banging on tables because I was told by 4 separate HCPs that it wasn't TT. I got an appointment with a TT clinic at our hospital and got it snipped there and then. 48 hrs later I had a pain free feed. My advice seek professional help sooner rather than later if you suspect it, with a lactation consultant who knows about TT. I think LLL have a list.

This is very interesting. I believe that in what a lot of these women would consider a time of good mothering, the 50s, mothers did not do any of this. I read in Wifework that a full time WOHM spends more time interacting with her children now than a full time SAHM in the 50s, as housework and cooking time as well as numbers of children per women have decreased. I am not sure but I don't think extended bf was the norm then either (in the uk or us).

I think it's a backlash against increased power women have now. We get jobs and money and still manafe to parent well and all of a sudden. Surprise! The ideal suddenly changes to be 24-7 sacrifice to your children. Extended bf, co-sleeping, wearing a sling permanently. It's a way of keeping women attached full time to their babies - not a lot of time or energy for careers then.

Someone on another thread told me there was a book by a French feminist dealing with the idea that attachment parenting is misogynistic but I haven't bought it yet, I must do.

Oh and I find it personally interesting - bf DS1 no probs whatsoever. DS2 (now 10 weeks) - could not do it. Severe tongue tie, could not latch, mastitis, me and both DC crying every feed. I gave up and switched to bottles. I have felt guilty since and a lot of the guilt is how much I enjoy bottle feeding and how easy it is. DH does two nights a week while I drink wine and have 10 hours' sleep and I love it. But I have guilt as the idea of mothers sacrificing themselves for their DC has taken root!

AlphaParent is glorified trolling.

Feminism is meant to built women up with support, not tear them down and pick fights.

Thanks scallops crossing fingers for tomorrow! Breastfeeding counsellor agrees. Just have to convince nhs bods now.

AlphaParent irritates me-it immediately intimates that she thinks she is a superior parent, when she merely has a baby and hasn't much clue.
I think feminism is choice-despite being told it isn't and you have to conform to someone else's idea of feminism-usually the ones who shout the loudest. I agree with Zara.

Good luck mysterymeg! Bang on desks if necessary (not literally obviously, they might cart you off for that )

I don't think AA is that great, tbh. The formula is poison message is more than tolerated on her board. Anywhere where the mantra "perhaps you have a problem with it because you feel guilty about your choices" makes me want to burn the Internet down.

It's all irresponsible, smug bullshit designed to shame anyone who doesn't fit in with their ideals.

Say it like it is Sheshelob

I agree completely.

Ha!

It's just some unqualified, unimportant whanger with nothing better to do than post ignorant, self-aggrandizing shit. If your DC are alive at the end of the day, have been fed and are reasonably clean, you've done your job as a mother.

A good summing up.

And probably leads to a much happier, well balanced child.