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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do i have issues?

7 replies

feelinlucky · 18/08/2013 20:56

I've recently become sexually active following years of celibacy. I lost weight and I guess I must be reasonably attractive but I'm probably also quite predatory and I don't mean that to sound negative but I am actively going out of my way to meet people purely for sex. I'm starting to feel that some of my friends are judging me. I'm using protection and being tested to make sure I'm safe. I've slept with about 6 men this year, so not a different man every week. I really enjoy sex and don't have a regular partner so one night stands do the job. No one is getting hurt but I am wondering if I'm kidding myself and maybe I'm being promiscuos for deeper reasons. I always used to think its ok to have as many sexual partners as I like but I'm older now and maybe I should consider it unhealthy. I don't know. I'm feeling confused. Can anyone help me make sense if it? ,

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feelinlucky · 18/08/2013 20:57

Oh, and I hope this is the right section to post in. I guess I feel its a bit of a feminist issue because a lot of the reading available talks about it being a problem for women and not men.

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NiceTabard · 18/08/2013 22:29

Well I think this is a subject where someone can only speak from their own experience.

I have always felt that sex is a fun activity which doesn't need to be engaged in within a relationship. I have had an awful lot of casual sex. I agree with you that if everyone's being safe, and no-one's there under "false pretences" - promising dates / further encounters or similar if that is not on the cards - then why on earth not?

I do think that my attitudes towards sex are quite stereotypically "masculine", and sometimes people have been a bit taken aback.

Anyway. I think you need to put the ideas about gender roles/behaviour aside and think about you. If you genuinely are having fun and there are no sort of psychological negative components then go for it I say.

Of course it is true that promiscuous behaviour can be a result of poor treatment in the past - and that is important and needs to be understood much more. BUT it is also true that there are plenty of women who just like sex and don't need a relationship and sometimes just want a bit. You are on about 1 a month - that's hardly OTT.

If your friends are being arsey then don't tell them about it I guess. Or ask them why not - but they will probably splurge on about how obviously you must want to settle down and this is all acting out and you'll never meet a man who is relationship material if you sleep with them at once you need to wait til the 4th date and only text them on a monday if the moon is high and well you get the drift.

Ignore them and have some fun Smile

feelinlucky · 18/08/2013 23:07

Thanks nice, I'm absolutely in it just for sex and actually feel quite liberated. I would like a relationship but I'm not in a hurry. In the meanwhile I don't see why I shouldn't just have a bit of fun with no strings as long as no one gets hurt. I ve met really nice guys and its only other peoples judgements if me that are concerning . I think I'm quite balanced and don't think I have issues but I am conscious that.sometimes we lose insight.

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Suelford · 18/08/2013 23:32

6 ONSs over 8 months? That doesn't seem all that many predatory, I wouldn't worry about it.

scallopsrgreat · 18/08/2013 23:41

I think promiscuity (or what is perceived as promiscuity, more to the point) and women is definitely a feminist issue. They wouldn't be judging a man in the same position. He wouldn't be described as predatory, for example. In fact they probably wouldn't even notice if you were a man. I don't think 6 men in 8 months is promiscuous though or cause for concern unless you are feeling something is missing or wanting more out of these encounters that you are getting (it doesn't sound like that is the case btw, just theorising).

Women are socially conditioned to think about sex in terms of relationships rather than something to enjoy for its own sake. So breaking that mould is bound to leave you questioning your own motives as well as other women questioning themselves and you. It makes everyone a bit uncomfortable Grin

I'm with NiceTabard. Enjoy yourself.

feelinlucky · 18/08/2013 23:44

Haha, that made me giggle Sue, really? I honestly thought that was a lot. 2 of them I saw for two months of that. I'm so pleased I'm probably over thinking this. I was completely celibate for nearly five years so this year I've really gone a bit wild. I feel more attractive now than I ever have and I'm mostly attracting younger men who think I'm younger. It's doing wonders for my feeling of attractiveness. :)

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feelinlucky · 18/08/2013 23:48

Scallop, my feelings exactly. I honestly feel liberated and enjoy the feeling that I'm in control and I'm making choices. I ve had fun with the guys I've met and enjoyed their company. They're relaxed too because I'm not asking for anything other than no strings fun. It's so true that if I was a man no one would think twice about it. I don't see why that should be the case. I accept casual sex isn't for everyone. I'm happily partaking though and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I suspect I may get bored eventually.

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