"But I'm the Stag!"

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Am posting this as I have been worrying about my reaction to a situation that happened on Saturday.

I went out with girlfriends into our local market town for drinks. There was a large Stag party there which is unusual. The area is quiet and not known for mad nightlife. The group had obviously had a lot to drink.

The Stag giddily came up next to me, knelt down and said to one of his party "Take my photo with Her". When I asked him why, and told him I didn't want my photo taken, he kept replying "But I'm the Stag"...He would not move away, was kneeling and very much in my face. I did Ask him several times to leave me alone but he refused as "He's the Stag."

I asked a girlfriend sat opposite me to help me out, because I was getting quite bothered by it. My girlfriend refused and said "Well, he is the Stag...have a photo..."

Thing is, he was twenty something. I'm in my forties, not remotely attractive, nothing in common with this man. He was taking the photo to take this piss, simple as. I am frustrated that this man wouldn't leave and my friend didn't back me up. I am just so cross that this man thought it was ok to interrupt my night out, ask me to do something I didn't want to do, and tell me that I have to " because he's the Stag".

It was absolutely ok to want this man to simply piss off, wasn't it?

Agree with you Kim.

And to invade the space of women who aren't paying them any attention.

yes, this too.

I'm afraid I would have replied rather unkindly that if he was The Stag I was sorry for the hen.

Btw you do know what animal pairs a stag with a hen, don't you? That's right: the turkey.

If there's a situation where someone you don't know approaches you and you ask the person to go away and s/he doesn't, then that person is the one in the wrong.

Actually, at a recent MN meetup, a drunk prat came over and tried to 'join us' and I told him to go away. Politely at first, on the grounds that no, the empty chairs at the table weren't vacant, we were waiting for more friends to join us. That should be enough for reasonable human beings in most circumstances. Not this one. it wasn't as if there were no other seats available in the venue, so I told him rather more firmly to go away, and luckily he wasn't drunk enough or aggressive enough to become any more of a problem. But I remember thinking that a big part of his attitude was 'Women without a male owner! They can't be allowed to talk to each other without acknowledging the presence of my Mighty Penis.

SGB - reminds me of being in a bar with a female friend recently an some idiot coming over, putting an arm round both of us and asking "why are you two lovely ladies out on your own tonight?"

I've had that happen, SGB. Last time it did, I told the bloke explicitly that we were not looking to talk to strangers but were enjoying one another's company and that if he didn't leave I would involve management.

To which he replied, in a gleeful "I'm going to shoot you down and teach you a lesson" voice: "Aha! I bet you don't even have a man in your life, am I right?".

Well, goodness, that put me in my place.

Yes it's like being called a lesbian if you dare to reject some twats advances. Yes of course, because I'm not attracted to your ugly drunken self then I don't fancy men at all!
Yeah!

Yes. I recall being called 'Frigid' once in a bar because I didn't want to 'kiss' The Stag.

That was nice. My lovely best friend replied "yes- face like yours I would imagine most women 'freeze up' when you ask for a kiss. Good luck with that"

As we left (much later in the night) he obviously felt that we had 'missed out' and showed us his penis. Which we all laughed at and shouted in unison "your poor wife"

Not very mature I know and looking back we should have just ignored the dickhead.

what an arsehole!
so what if he is on his stag do it doesn't give him the right to ruin everyone else's night out.
I'd be pretty mad at my friend too if I were you.

I had a works Christmas night out once where two male colleagues I barely knew thought it would be funny to lift me up and run around the room with me. I kept asking them to stop but as I was on my own I had little chance of fighting them off. I was so humiliated afterwards i wanted to cry everyone was laughing at me. i just went straight home. If it had been done in fun I'd have most likely had a laugh but I didn't really know them at all and just knew they were doing it to take the p*ss...I'm not overweight or anything but afterwards they were going on about how heavy I was i felt really uncomfortable eating at work after that I'd just go out at lunch instead.

just forget about him and if you see him around town trip him up

Something that is quite liberating is the realisation that it's OK to be rude to strange men. We are socialised so strongly to be nice to men, to 'respect' them and prioritize their wishes - and also to see ourselves as helpless in the face of their maleness, that when you tell an intrusive man to go and fuck himself and the sky doesn't fall in, it's a bit of a revelation.

Yeah yeah waah waah he might immediately assault you but actually, the vast majority of entitled, intrusive men who pester women in public will actually wilt and crawl off if challenged. I think it's quite important to remember that women are not inevitably helpless and passive, and we can protect ourselves from tiresome men rather than accepting the idea that we always need Authority (ie another man) to get rid of an intrusive one.

SGB I have drummed this into my daughter since she was drowning in our local pool, managed to grab hold of the lane rope then let go because "the lifeguard told me too"
I later told her that if you feel threatened, in danger or unhappy with a situation that it is perfectly ok to be as rude as you like and that I will always back her up should she need to be rude.
I have also given her some pretty good breakaway techniques that I learnt at work

Great post SGB

I was on my hen do recently my mate is a shamless flirt and was getting men to peck me for good luck! im shy naturally, cue all laughing at my discomfort,
another stole my fancy dress stuff,
another dragged me on to the dance floor twirling me around just staring at me, there was about 5 of them.
I'm as ugly as sin so it must have been a pisstake, bought us a round of drinks and had a bloke who was like 'I'm totally married btw, u the gorgeous bride? stay gorgeous?" pecking the cheek, touching patting,
They probably meant well, but at the same time I kind of felt for his wife,
I'm not old but mid 20's..
I can imagine a naiive 18/19 taking that as huge come on and him running with it.

Good post SGB.