Being asked to "cover myself" during an internal exam

[RevoltingPeasant]

Okay, I am really hesitant about starting this, as I began thinking about it after the AIBU birth trauma thread but am very, very aware that this in no way compares to what women on that thread went through. I know this is trivial but it really bothered me at the time, and I wonder, am I desperately precious?

The one bad gynae experience I've ever had involved a woman dr doing a swab on me - for STDs - against my consent. She also made some bizarre remarks such as insinuating that my DH might be cheating on me.

But what made me really uncomfortable about the experience was that the nurse in attendance, at the start of the exam, handed me a piece of blue paper and just said "cover yourself, please".

I can't articulate quite why this made me feel bad, bu I think because I felt that I was somehow gross or offensive and needed to be covered up. It also incidentally meant that I couldn't see quite what the dr was doing. Also, the only audience to conceal myself from was her, the nurse - the dr was obviously right in there, so if she was so bloody sensitive, why couldn't she turn around?

I also loathe referring to genitals as the person's "self". Don't know quite why.

Is this a massive first world issue or am I right in not wanting to "cover myself" in any future exams?

Your feelings are entirely valid, and the nurse should not have made you feel uncomfortable. I would guess she was thinking that you might feel more comfortable if you covered yourself up, but she didn't communicate this to you. Perhaps if she had asked if you wanted to cover yourself up, it would have been clearer and wouldn't have made you feel uncomfortable.

Oops - pressed enter too soon. You should absolutely do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

Thanks SDTG. She was definitely all catsbum about it. She just stood there staring after that. I felt like if I said no I would be this self exposing hussy! Also the fact that they wanted to test me for STDs - I totally felt judged, as they obviously thought I was too dim to know whether or not I had been exposed to them. I suppose it made me feel quite dirty, somehow.

I always wonder about this too - what's the point in 'protecting your modesty' when you don't have any at that particular moment? I'd rather have an honest moment where both you and the medical professional understand what is happening and it just happens. No faffing around with sheets / tissues etc.

It's all so bloody embarrassing (for me anyway - I realise that these are my issues). It's not any leads embarrassing because of an A3 piece of tissue paper.

Leads = less

Sounds really awful. In what circumstances is it remotely ok to test you for STDs against your will??

And I also agree about the covering up thing. I had something vaguely similar in labour: I was having a home birth and found it easiest to labour sitting on the loo or leaning over the bath. When the midwife finally arrived, she refused to come into the bathroom to see me, saying "no, I'll see you when you come out, thank you". Given that I'd already been in the bathroom for 4 hours, that i was in fairly advanced labour, and that she was going to see a lot worse, it seemed very prissy and judgmental - as if I were dirty and somehow breaching all etiquette.

examination without consent is not allowed. I think that is assault.

BUT - last time I went for a smear test I took a sarong with me. The nurses thought this was a great idea, makes it all a little more dignified and they showed me the tiny square of blue paper that is all they are allowed to provide as a 'cover up'.

I found none of this offensive, more evidence of consideration for my feelings. Although I am long past being worried about being exposed for a smear test.

as for reference to 'self' - figure of speech. chill out.

Hmm, last time I had a heart scan the two doctors looked at me absolutely askance because I asked for something to cover my top half. Ok- there was just us three women in the room but I'd never met them before and felt all self concsious. I was also a bit upset as an elderly lady with dementia had gone in before me, and I was sad to think that they had left her uncovered with no choice.
In the end, one of the staff grumpily got me a paper towel and made me feel very odd for asking.

I'm not sure why you were offended at being asked to cover yourself. This is done because it is the least embarrassing way for most women to have this procedure. It isn't nice to have to show everything below the waist to a stranger and it does make it slightly better to just have the actual part that they need access to on display. It isn't about your genitals being offensive, it was to make you feel less exposed. It is silly to get upset about the reference to "self" as well because again, this is how most women find it the least embarrassing. People don't go for smear tests when they really need to because the procedure and terminology upsets them - I know someone who won't even say "period" out loud.

The swab against your consent is a different matter entirely. I don't really understand what happened. Did you consent to the swab, but not to that swab being tested for sti? Or did you not consent to a swab at all? Because that is very bad of them if that was the case.

Plenty of people have their h cheat on them without knowing. Doctors therefore do test for sti in the case of a faithful married woman showing symptoms.

I don't think she was referring to your genitals as your "self" it was cover "yourself". Most women prefer to cover whatever doesn't need to be exposed.

I've generally been offered a blanket - but then they leave the room for me to undress the bottom half, so I guess it's as much so that I don't flash people when they come back in as for anything else (or because it's chilly?), or just because it would feel odd to be just lying there waiting, naked from the waist down!

I've never felt that they were ordering me to use the blanket though, just that it was there if I wanted to use it (I seem to remember that last time I said not to bother leaving the room too - it seemed ridiculous)

I can see that it was the way she said it - ordering you to cover yourself rather than asking if you wanted to which makes the difference, and makes you feel judged. The language used is cold somehow.

It wasn't the best way to say it. They usually say there's a small sheet or whatever they call it there if you want to use it.

Best to offer rather than instruct.

Jacques and Chunky, yes, it was the being ordered. I personally find it silly as it doesn't cover anything from the dr POV, as she is looking between my legs. So was the nurse, for that matter. It just meant I couldn't really see what implements she was putting in.

I absolutely get that some women would prefer this and think it should always be offered, though.

The swab thing - I had a problem with my periods and was having an internal exam to see if anything obvious suggested itself. The dr did not say that my weird periods could be related to an STI. But she asked about my sex life more generally before the exam, I told her about DH prostate problems and erectile dysfunction. She said were his prostate issues causes by an STI? He had seen several drs about this, inc an andrologist, none of whom had raised this possibility, and I said so. She then implied that DH erectile D might be because he was getting it elsewhere and not up fr it with me. I thought this was a bit much and turned the conversation, but later when she was examining me, she did that whole "I'll just..." thing.

I said "er, no, I really don't think that's necessary..."

She said "we'll I've got a sample now" and withdrew. I was in stirrups and couldn't do much. She then said a couple of other really weird things but I couldn't exactly storm out so I just waited till she'd done and legged it.

Yeah I guess it might be considered assault but for some reason that I don't understand myself, what the nurse said bothered me most of all. Really don't know why....

A nurse once handed me some paper and asked me to cover my 'foof' She named it! I was horrified and amused all at once.

In my part of the world (Caribbean) you are expected to cover yourself with a sheet for gynaecological exams and they would think it very odd if you didn't use it.
One gynaecologist though had a robe for patients that fastened up the front but had various flaps to lift up for doing breast exams, palpating your abdomen etc.

That would upset me too - it's not normal IME, and she could have said 'would you like a sheet' or something like that.

'Cover yourself!' sounds like bad Victorian prudishness and it does imply you've done something wrong.

I am sure it was just a bit thoughtless but most people would want to be ultra-sensitive in that context.

haha foof!!!

I wouldn't like to be told to 'cover myself' by a nurse because it's implying that I have something to be ashamed of. I have always had nice nurses doing internals, and they have just gently drawn the sheet across - which, for me, was the right thing to do.

I had a nurse grasp my hand once, just as a doctor was putting the mirena coil in, and had warned 'this might feel a bit uncomfortable' - it felt so caring and motherly I felt like weeping.

it does sound a bit........as tho u should be ashamed somehow.
perhaps she was a nasty old cow, perhaps she just hadnt thought about her words.
once i had a woman shove a cold thing really hard up my vagina and then tell me i had problems when i started crying. and i was about 19 at the time.
another time i went for an abortion and the doctor copped a feel of my breasts.
so you do get vile people in medical settings and tbh that choice of words does sound nasty.

Not surprised you feel the way you do OP, especially when you mention the catsbum mouth! There was no need for that at all, making you feel somehow ashamed of being half-naked, even if it was for a medical procedure.

burberryqueen, those two examples are awful Some people seem to get off on having a patient in a vulnerable position and seem to enjoy some kind of power trip. Absolutely awful. Hope you're ok.

oh both of those things were years and years ago.....if something like that happened now , someone would get a slap!
thanks tho!

Wrt covering yourself during an internal this has been standard for at least 15 years as I remember a doctor putting a sheet across me and I said not to bother and he said that it had to be done on all patients.

Also, cover yourself if fine imo, once you get into 'cover your privates, vulva etc it can get confusing. 'Yourself' covers it all.

If the patient is covered then there can be no accusations of the doctor/nurse 'staring.'

If you were tested without your then that is bang out of order.

Yes covering up is really standard and 'yourself' I would see as being one word rather than 'self' being any sort of euphemism.

The general shitty attitude and the swabbing without consent is an entirely different matter and I would be reporting to the practice manager at the very least.

consent