Hi there, I have recently opened a joint account with DP, I handle all our household finances and budget, i set up the account so I was the main applicant and he the second applicant...
But every time we get a letter about it, it is addressed to Mr DP and Ms Catabouttown...as I am listed as the main applicant on all our documentation I assume It is just their default option to list the man first, and its driving me potty!!
Background, I have always been adamant that I will keep my name on marriage and one of the reasons for this is how I remember my mum getting letters from banks addressed to either Mrs Husbands initials and last name, or Mr and Mrs husbands initials and last name. From a very early age I used to see these letters and feel offended that she was addressed by her husbands initials rather than her own! Like she was married and therefore her own name didn't matter anymore...so I am seen as a militant feminist by some people for only wanting to receive letters addressed in my name 
Anyway, I know it is in my name so not so bad but I am still feeling irked that DP is being addressed first despite him never having been listed first in any of our correspondence with them. I want to contact the bank and ask them why this is, but don't know if that's a bit over the top??
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Joint account, am I being too sensitive
catabouttown · 08/07/2013 12:54
Well I did contact the bank, natwest by the way, and after getting transferred to about 4 different people who basically just said 'we don't know how to change this and I don't really see what the problem is' I lodged a complaint and stated what pp have said about me needing to be the first point of contact for admim reasons etc, I was then told it would be changed but I'm not sure whether I was being fobbed off so we shall see! I was discussing the account with DP last night and also discovered that they called him 3 weeks ago to find out how he was finding the account and how the service had been setting it up etc, they haven't called me at all even though he told them on the phone that he has no idea what the service was like because it was me who handled everything! He said they seemed quite shocked that he hasn't done it 
so further confirmation that I am not being paranoid about the issue!
On the subject of women changing their names when married, I have always found it odd whenever I've had this conversation with a women who is going to/has already changed her name and she's said something like 'well I asked Fiancé about that and he said he would feel weird if I didn't change my name, so I'm changing it'! I think that's an even worse response than 'I like the tradition' or whatever, I mean it is YOUR name, it is YOUR choice, if that's what you want then fine but how on earth has it got anything to so with anyone else? When DP and I first had this discussion I told him that I wouldn't be changing my name and the only change I would consider would be if we BOTH double barrelled our names. He said that the only reason he would be bothered by that is because he would want us all to have the same name when we had children and that their was no compromising with me. Once I pointed out that a) my compromise was us both changing our names together, as i didn't actually want to do this i want to just keep my name and double barrel the children's names, and b) where is the compromise on his side if I change it? That's just him getting what he wants, he was happy with that logic and has never been bothered by it since. As I said up thread though, some of his friends have been outraged and the cats bum face his dad pulled when the penny dropped that DD has a double barrelled name was priceless 
Well, mine and DH's account comes as Ms. Norf and Mr. DP.
My bank is clearly a forward thinking bank of equality 
Thanks LtEve just being nosy knowing how traditional the forces are!
Love the idea of your DH turning up in a ballgown
OldBeanz Thanks I will.
Something else I picked up too is that when/if there are any handouts in terms of shares etc they are often given out to the first named on the account. A chum of mine lost out when Abbey National became a bank & her bastard ex snaffled the payout. (was mind divorce & she didn't pick up on it till much later)
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