Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

teaching children body boundries

5 replies

HullMum · 12/06/2013 15:42

I try and teach DD and Ds that they haven't got to do anything they don't want to do. But DD (2.5) always says no when I ask if I can kiss her Sad

sometimes she'll offer me her knee to kiss instead though Hmm Confused

I'm happy she is confident enough to say no but just wish she was a bit more snuggly.

not sure if this is really an fwr thing, but thought you are all probably doing the same thing so May have had similar reactions?

is it wrong for me to pull a Sad face when she says no? I sometimes do but that feels like I'm teaching her to be manipulated.

I may be over thinking this!

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 12/06/2013 16:11

You're over worrying. Not over thinking...it's good to think of these things but dont fret too much.

I make a joke out of my famously non tactile older DD...she hates hugs and kisses...she's a very sensitive person and she's naturally non tactile..I just ruffle her hair or give her a hug when she asks which is not often!

I do ask now and then and she says no...I just say "ok then...I do adore you though." or something positive to let her know that her not hugging me doesn't alter my feelings...but I don't show sadness.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 12/06/2013 16:14

In an ideal world, it's probably best not to show you're sad. I generally try not to, with my lot, but to be honest I still do sometimes. It's just human. So long as they know your being sad doesn't mean they have to do anything to appease you, it's fine, I think.

Original poster
HullMum · 12/06/2013 16:19

thanks for your responses, I will try not to pull the sad face and just keep asking. I worry that in the long run she will feel left out because Ds is just my biggest fan in the world and would cuddle all day long.

OP posts:
worldgonecrazy · 12/06/2013 16:25

I think you're doing fine. It's hard for parents and grandparents to accept that sometimes they don't get a kiss. We've shown DD how to blow a kiss which she thinks is a funny alternative to giving a physical kiss.

tootsietoo · 13/06/2013 13:47

I don't think you're over thinking. I have one non-kissy DD (6) and one very huggy kissy one (5). I feel that if DD1 doesn't want to do hugs and kisses that's her prerogative. I just make sure that I make the most of them when I can and tell her I love her. I agree with you so much that they should have the choice over what physical contact they have. The PIL often lurch towards the children at the end of a stay, lips puckered, and if the children don't want to do kisses DH gets upset and has in the past got cross with them about it. We have talked about it now and I hope the children are understanding that it's their choice.

I've been thinking about this a bit today too as DD1 is going off on Beaver camp for the first time and I think I need to have a proper conversation with her to make sure that she is clear that no one can invade her space or touch her in a way she doesn't like. Of course you hope that they naturally have a sense of self-esteem and of what is reasonable and not reasonable and that they would tell you straight away if something upset them, but I wonder whether a proper chat is in order too?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page