I've had a bit of a sexist day..... what about you?

[HerrenaisnowHowlerMonkey]

Two incidents make me say this.

1. My dad rings up and we get to chatting about the DIY that DH and I are carrying out. I mention that I did all the tiling in our new bathroom and that he's now doing the plumbing. DF laughs and tells me not to let DH work to hard. I say 'What about me?!' He says 'You're good at supervising, so if you work hard then he will end up working hard.'

2. My mum rings up and tells me that my grandfather wants to send us a cheque for DS's birthday and 'wasn't sure what name to use'. I said to use my name, which I have never changed in 4 years of marriage. DM sounded surprised. I then specified that the cheque could be to me or DH, since we have a joint account. She said DGF thought he should make the cheque out to the 'premier' account holder (DH, by implication). I pointed out that there isn't a 'premier' holder, just two names on one account which we opened together. She sounded surprised again

I don't usually find my family so 'old school' as DH calls them, but REALLY.

I thought this would be a good place to vent!

Sounds like generational gap issues. My mum cannot and will not ever understand why I didn't change my name when I married. She said she doesn't understand and thinks I'm trying to "make a statement"... Yes, yes I am. She also sees it as a big insult to my DH.

Last week my dad popped into my office to see me at the end of the day, as we walked out to the car park together (where I park EVERY SINGLE DAY) he looked at the tight space I was parked in and offered to get the car out for me.

They grew up in a different, darker world to us. As annoying as it can be I guess we can at least take these differences as a sign of progress.

That would annoy me too, herrera.

I have had an ok day re. sexism, but I am still smarting over a fairly minor incident of mansplaining where someone told me, at great length, all about something they should know I know about from what I do all day.

On the plus side, I've recently realized that DH cooks about 90% of the time, which is something I never would have expected as I enjoy cooking, consider myself to be competent, and initally taught him quite a few things. I tend to work long hours and late (and inefficiently with lots of faffing about in the middle), and it really helps that I don't have to stop and cook in the middle of it all. So that is a small, nice thing.

Doesn't stop my mum asking 'what is [DH] going to feed himself?!' every time I go away on my own, mind.

It has just occured to me this week that both our families expect me to do all of the childcare and dp is very 'good' when he puts dd2 to bed 'for me' . To be fair, I do the majority of bedtimes, but that's because he does the majority of getting her up, dressed and ready for the cm in the mornings.

They also seem to think he isn't capable of feeding or clothing himself, even though he does the majority of the cooking (I am competent, but am usually putting dd2 to bed while he cooks our dinner) and we share the laundry fairly evenly.

They all know we both work ft, they all know that I earn more than him and work longer hours than him, yet they still expect me to be feeding and clothing him as well as looking after the dds.

Oh, that is so annoying!

So, do you think they realize it, or do you think they're sort of assuming this is the 'fair' division?

I've noticed my mother keeps saying sadly how she thinks my SIL isn't doing enough, and my DB is doing too much. They do about as exactly equal shares as could possibly be, but she's just conditioned to expect that 50% of a woman's share in the wifework should look like 75%.

oooh

My dad always says "Tabard don't work DH too hard" and I don't get what on earth he's on about

Last time he said it I gave him an odd look and he said "well you work very hard too" and sort of scampered off.

What is it supposed to mean?

It's bizarre, isn't it?

The way it implies we have some kind of power over our husbands, even though it's plainly only nominal power since they are the ones who're capable and all we do is sit around.

Ah, but we have Nag power. We are allowed to use it but mustn't expect any actual sort of power of our own in the home, oh no

My mum actually fetches my dad his breakfast in the morning now. He's an able-bodied man and not manically busy, yet accepts this without question. I queried it and was told to butt out. Right then

DH just read this and demanded that I do the same for him. I told him to FO

Hello OP

It is very very very odd.

As independent woman I do stuff. i like to think I contribute. Apparently not.

i suspect my dad is concerned that although DH works full time I expect him to do stuff to do with running the household and looking after children.

Why that will be a strain on him in particular, while I also work full time, do stuff with running the household, and looking after the children, is frankly beyond me.

My dad was quietly horrified when he saw DH changing nappies! Pretty sure that my dad thinks I'm a shrew, but clearly he knows better than to say anything

I've been advised this weekend to call 'Dial-a-Hubbie' for some DIY.

The vans are bright pink and thief plastered in lovely slogans such as "for all jobs your husband can't or won't do..."

I curl up and die every time I see it.

Travelincolour

I thought my DGF was just being a bit 1950s!!! I didn't realise they still do it! WTAF?!

Please tell me you gave them hell.

My name is first on our joint account, because I picked up the pen and started filling in the form when we went to the bank.

We both had accounts with that bank already though, so I doubt I am anything "premier".

We have our own individual accounts as well as the joint one, stickemup - I agree that it's nice to know what your personal squandering fund is!