"Nurses are girl doctors, aren't they mummy"

[BillStickersIsInnocent]

Looking for some inspiration and advice!

DD (3.5) made this comment yesterday. We talked about it and hopefully I have convinced her otherwise - her auntie is a doctor, our GP is a woman, her grandad used to be a nurse. Real life examples do not compete with Dr Ranj and Nurse Morag on CBeebies however.

We really want to bring our children up in a supportive environment where the nature of your genitals has no bearing on the opportunities available to you. It's how I was brought up and I am so grateful to my parents (both professionals, lots of strong female role models, sexism challenged)

But doors seem to be shutting for DD already and
I'm not sure how to combat.

I'm increasingly worried about how nursery handles gender stereotypes. Since nursery, DD has fully absorbed the pink/girl, blue/boy thing, is mean about boys just because they are boys (to their faces sometimes), loves barbies, sparkles, princess dresses etc. I don't mind the last two too much but it seems so forced, like she isn't allowed to play with other things.

I thought I was clued up - have read Cordelia Fine, member of Pink Stinks and Let Toys be Toys. But I'm failing here.

Would I be unreasonable to ask nursery how they challenge gender stereotyping or would I forever be known as that annoying parent?

I think it's reasonable to ask Nursery - I did this about a year ago after DS appeared to be absorbing some "rules" for girl things and boy things. The nursery staff didn't make me feel bad, they agreed with my concerns. They looked into what had been happening and concluded that these messages weren't coming from staff but from some of the older children. The staff put more effort into counteracting these and encouraging the children to play together in ways which break down these artificial barriers - I think it's worked - we haven't had any similar comments since.

You might forever be known as the annoying parent, but surely DD's well being trumps that? if you're worried, as you say you are, you'll regret not finding out exactly what's going on. Can you begin in a fairly non confrontational way? eg ask to spend some time there with DD, and observe what's going on. Does the nursery have a policy on gender / discrimination? is it mentioned in the curriculum?

More generally, does DD like being active? I think girls that can enjoy their bodies and minds for the fun and adventure they bring, and appreciate being healthy and strong, iyswim, stand the best chance. Now the weather's picking up, get her into the park on her bike / teach her how to throw and catch, and hope that the princess dress gets in the way....

Yes, you would be !

That's interesting to hear Brianne - sounds like your intervention was really successful then, gives me some courage!

Like the idea of asking about how the nursery curriculum addresses this issue too.

Rootypig good idea about getting active. She is pretty active but I've just realised that it's usually DH or my dad who do walking, cycling, going to the playground etc so I need to role model that better.

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts so far!

*Brienne, sorry.

I think you're being bit alarmist doors aren't already closing,it's not forgone conclusion
yes our kids are exposed to stereotype and as parent one redress that
do talk to nursery Re:gender stereotyping.gentle word should do it

Can you find examples of male nurses too, as the stereotyping goes both ways?

As a school we have to have a equality policy which includes gender. It is perfectly reasonable for you to ask if they have one and if not suggest they do.

If you can bear to watch the monstrosity that is Me Too, the doctor is a woman and the nurse is a man. Be warned though, it's truly dire

Well it's better than her seeing it the other way around, that all female doctors are nurses, which is what normally happens, happened all the time when I was nursing.

The amount of times I'd be training a male student, and it would be assumed that he was either a doctor, or my senior. Though they're are still lots of people who seem to think that nurses are subservient to doctors, but I'm going off subject here.

You need to explain to her that they are two different jobs with different responsibilities etc and that she can be either as can any little boy if they so chose.

I do believe that while they do/ are influenced by school etc that if they are seeing strong role models at home that will be more important/ influential.

I remember DN being shocked when he realised that all Mummies didn't work outside the home, but then he was equally as surprised when he realised that his new friends Daddy was a sahp.
His norm is both parents working, even though my sis took a year off when his little brother was born, and his Dad did the sahp role for a year when he first started school.

It is really difficult. My ds's nursery offer ballet lessons as an extra paid activity from 2 1/2. I asked if ds could do it and they said fine but after a few weeks he did not want to go anymore ad he was the only boy. All the pictures were of little girls in pink tutues. I was a bit annoyed really as its a bit girls school with nursery attached so should know better about gender stereotyping.

Love your name, OP.

I had a similar conversation with DD today (also 3.5). We had to go to A&E as she had fallen off the climbing frame. She would not have it that the doctor coming would be a woman and said "doctors are men, nurses are ladies"
I have a female friend who is a consultant, another a GP. I have no idea where she has got the idea from - I'm presuming "get well soon" on cBeebies.

Yes the wonder of Me Too Squalor. We have watched it, but DD isn't that keen. Agree though that there's a good mix of roles in that programme.

Thanks for all advice. Think I will bring it up at nursery in an offhand way. Also continue to discuss DDs questions and statements.

We had similar stuff when my two were at nursery, somehow that seems to be a peak time for extreme gender segregation. Both dd and ds came home with some quite bizarre statements that didn't reflect the world around them at all. I think I read somewhere that it was a part of small children figuring out who they are, but I think that currently society seems to be pushing gender divides what with all the sparkly pink and sludgy green pushed onto small children by marketers, so it's not surprising that they pick up on it.

However my children are now teens and their words are not closed at all, both are very keen on pushing all sorts of boundaries (good and bad!) so don't despair!

there are more women doctors than men now, so I understand. so there doesn't seem to be much to worry about from a feminist point of view.

Louise that isn't true gmc stats here

no,Louise.more female undergrads in training but more qualified male than female.

The other day I had 5 children on identical playground toys, 4 boys & 1 girl, a group of girls complained that the girl wasn't sharing so I asked if they'd asked the boys to share too. Their answer was that the boys said no and I asked them why the boys were allowed to say no but the girl wasn't. They are reception age.