Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Flip

Original poster

Gardening

24 replies

RobinBedRest · 26/05/2013 07:27

I do not consider myself a feminist, but am interested to know if someone who does would be offended by comments I have recently received.

My FIL turned up at our house a few days ago when I was giving a hedge a decent prune. He asked "where's HE will you're doing this". I took it to mean he should be helping, laughed and said "watching tele".

Then yesterday a bloke we had met once before popped round while I was mowing the front lawn. I stopped the mower and said I'd get DH and his reply was "shouldn't he be doing that?"

Laughed at the time but now wondering if I am only supposed to flick through the flower catalogues rather than do the heavier gardening

OP posts:

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 26/05/2013 10:01

They'd definitely get a roll of the eyes from me!

BabyMakesTheBoobiesGoLeaky · 26/05/2013 10:03

No you're supposed to be cleaning windows,baking cakes and looking after the children in the 1950s.

EeyoreIsh · 26/05/2013 10:09

The comments I got when I cleared out the gutters at the front of the house. bloody ridiculous! Anyone would think I was the first woman ever to chat out gutters, ffs!

I just rolled my eyes and carried on.

ignorant folk!

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 26/05/2013 10:41

I'm a full time, self employed gardener. And I drive a white van! I used to get a few comments but not so much anymore.

When I used to advertise, I used to get a few dickheads ringing up asking what I wore to garden or if I would mow their lawn topless

Go, on Robin , start considering yourself a feminist...you know it makes sense

PromQueenWithin · 28/05/2013 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HullMum · 29/05/2013 04:19

shhhhh..... I got a secret for you. if that sort shit of irritates you and you quite enjoy the right to vote, receive equal pay for equal work and control your vagina... you might already be a feminist . and yes, both those comments would annoy me.

PromQueenWithin · 29/05/2013 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

RobinBedRest · 29/05/2013 22:26

I guess the friends I have who are happy to be know as feminists are a bit full on about it. Not high heels/make up but definately very vocal on Women's Lib, to the point of being quite upset about things that don't seem a big deal to me.

One tied herself in knots to get a promotion in late pregnancy that meant when she went back to work she couldn't cope with the hours. It seemed to be all about proving she could compete with Men rather than doing what was right for her. She ended up SAHM and missing her old job, which would have fitted around family life much better.

I also think Women are just as likely to not respect me as Men, so being taken seriously is not all about sexism.

OP posts:

KaseyM · 29/05/2013 23:34

"I also think Women are just as likely to not respect me as Men, so being taken seriously is not all about sexism."

But if women are more likely to be disrespected than men, regardless of whether it's by men or women, then surely it is about sexism.

Not saying that this is your case in particular, but I'd be interested in knowing why you think you're not taken seriously.

HullMum · 30/05/2013 02:30

no one knows what life will bring after children, your friend negotiated what was best for her at the time. Feminism might however come in to play since your friend was the one who couldnt fit life around her job and to become the sahp. Did her partner try and work life around children too?

samandi · 30/05/2013 23:41

Of course I would be offended. Those kind of views are idiotic. Call them out on it.

Original poster

RobinBedRest · 31/05/2013 09:39

Kasey - you make an excellent point I doubt many men worry about not being taken seriously. The people important to me (DH, DC, true friends) do take me seriously and I think I have changed childless friends view of parenting, so they see it as a challenging/worthwhile role, but in general as a SAHM other people don't. I have got to he point where I get DH to call people and be on hand to discuss work on our house as we get better responses, sad but true.

Hullmum - I think the point about my friend was she wanted to be there for her DC more than the new job allowed. During pregnancy her feminist views had led her to pursue the promotion. I don't think she ever considered having a baby might change her which is a shame.

OP posts:

grimbletart · 31/05/2013 11:05

On the occasions I have had comments about doing stuff such as changing car tyres, gutter clearing etc. I've found it useful to assume a baffled look and keep saying "why?". It gets more and more amusing as the person digs themselves further and further into a hole.

badguider · 31/05/2013 11:10

I would have answered 'oh he's doing the ironing' or 'baking a cake' just to piss people off...
As it is DH does do all the cooking in this house (though he doesn't bake) and we don't have a garden but when we do it'll probably be me that does 90% of gardening.

If you don't feel comfortable saying 'I am a feminist' (sometimes I don't as I'm a bit irrationally resistant to labels, i'm the same with environmentalist.. even though I feel strongly about the environment) in these situations I would always say 'I have feminist principles' or 'I agree with feminist ideas' or even just 'I disagree with gender stereotyping'.

badguider · 31/05/2013 11:12

Oh and no, I wouldn't be 'offended' by the comments, comments have to be a lot stronger than that to 'offend' me, but I would be saddened by them and the attitude they betray

JoyMachine · 31/05/2013 11:13

my SIL has got a garden to rival any RHS garden, she's done it all herself, landscaping too- it's amazing she could manage, being a woman and all
Anyone who can push a baby out of a fanjo can push a mower around a lawn!

WilsonFrickett · 31/05/2013 11:19

During pregnancy her feminist views had led her to pursue the promotion. I don't think she ever considered having a baby might change her which is a shame

I think very few people have a clue about how having a baby will change them. But I'm not sure why you think what she did was a bad thing? She went for a promotion, she got it, she had a baby, she decided time with the baby was more important than the job, so she changed things. No big issues there. She could have felt the same way had she stayed in her old job, for example.

Having to have your DH on hand when you're discussing home stuff is classic sexism.

HullMum · 31/05/2013 13:53

Anyone who can push a baby out of a fanjo can push a mower around a lawn

That's going to be my new answer for everything.

Anyone who can push a baby out of a fanjo can serve on the frontlines.

Anyone who can push a baby out of a fanjo can run for president

Sort of trumps everything :)

WilsonFrickett · 31/05/2013 14:28

Of course, not all women choose to push babies out of their fanjos, neither do all mothers...

PromQueenWithin · 31/05/2013 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

RobinBedRest · 31/05/2013 16:33

Wilson - she ended up very unhappy as a SAHM as her career was important to her. Had she taken the advice everyone gave her she may have ended up with a better work/life balance. She did go for a very high powered role.

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 31/05/2013 19:05

Or she may have ended up with a stellar career and her own island? The thing is, feminism gave her those choices to make. They werent the right choices for her, so she changed her mind - also the mark of an empowered woman.

Agree with a pp that I'd like to know where the baby's father was in all this too. Did his life change after the baby?

Original poster

RobinBedRest · 31/05/2013 22:18

Own island, is that top of every Woman's wishlist?

OP posts:

JoyMachine · 31/05/2013 22:57

PromQueen- I, too, have had 2 EMCS
'Twas just a quip...

Flip