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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Eurgh, what a day!

33 replies

Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 21:22

I'm new to FWR but have been lurking since reading Caitlin Moran's How To Be A Woman. I've found it so enlightening and just reading around has really opened my eyes to the everyday sexism that seems to go on.
I work in a jewellery shop and deal with a lot of cocky blokes and can definitely hold my own but today I had a woman in with her daughter (about 8-9) we were chatting about the jewellery and she was trying things on. Her daughter was really into everything and wanted to try everything her mum had so obviously I was talking to her too, she seemed so interested in how it was all made and how silver jewellery is made

OP posts:
Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 21:27

Posted before I'd got to the point sorry!
Basically she was very interested in the science behind how metal is manipulated etc so I told her the little I knew. Midway through our chat her mum cuts in and says 'oh well X is interested in so many things and she loves jewellery... Hopefully we'll find her a rich husband who will buy her all these lovely things' Shock
I was so shocked that a confident, modern woman could say this about her daughter. She seemed deadly serious and all I did was stand there like a blummin fish!
How on earth do you get through the day with such narrow mindedness all around?
Sorry this is so long!

OP posts:
FastidiaBlueberry · 10/03/2013 21:28

With gin at the end of it?

Grin

It is a bit startling when you come across idiots like that.

Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 21:29

Also sorry about the rambling and bad grammar/punctuation, it's been a long day!

OP posts:
solveproblem · 10/03/2013 21:29

Oh dear, that's awful.

Hopefully it was a bad joke.

ScottyDoc · 10/03/2013 21:30

Relax. I think most likely it was an offhand tongue in cheek comment. Something my mum would say as a joke basically with a serious type face on. Depends on someone's humour! No need to get so get up about it m'love. Brew

kim147 · 10/03/2013 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 21:32

I suppose I was so shocked because since becoming more educated about feminism I just can't believe that someone so close to my age (25) could think like that.
No gin unfortunately but I've got a brew Grin

OP posts:
FastidiaBlueberry · 10/03/2013 21:32

The OP isn't uptight about it, she came to the FWR section to vent.

It's belittling to tell her she's being uptight.

Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 21:33

I suppose after a crap day my sense of humour had disappeared! She just seemed so serious!

OP posts:
Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 21:46

This was not quite how I wanted to debut on FWR, didn't mean to sound quite so uptight Grin
Thanks blueberry, I certainly feel a lot better after my rant.

OP posts:
kim147 · 10/03/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 10/03/2013 21:50

You didn't sound uptight. Some people just spend their entire lives trying to find something to be offended by ... and this time, delightfully, they've decided to be offended by your legitimate irritation.

piprabbit · 10/03/2013 21:55

I have a good friend who has a DS and a DD. She regularly tells me how proud she is of her DS as he is very bright and achieving well at school. She also says that her DD is stupid, but that's OK because she only needs a clever husband. Unfortunately she is not joking, that is what she truly believes.

Some women still seem to believe this stuff, and it can be shocking when it pops up out of nowhere.

FastidiaBlueberry · 10/03/2013 21:56

No you didn't sound uptight at all.

Just stabby.

Grin

No, you didn't sound stabby either, just gobsmacked.

Which I think we all feel at times.

glenthebattleostrich · 10/03/2013 21:59

My MIL once said to DD who is 2 that she is so pretty she'll have no trouble finding a lovely husband to look after her. I did point out that she wouldn't need a husband because she has a brain she can use herself.

AllDirections · 10/03/2013 22:00

piprabbit just Shock

Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 22:12

Wow piprabbit that is sad. How do you even start to understand someone who thinks like that?

OP posts:
Schooldidi · 10/03/2013 22:19

I have a friend who has often told us all that she is only working until she finds a husband. She's not even claiming that once she has babies she wants to be a sahm, she is planning on giving up work the minute she gets married. She's a teacher, she's an intelligent woman, she works really hard, but she's quite clear that this is not long term, it's a stop-gap til she finds a man (specifically a farmer if possible). Unfortunately for her, she's getting older every day and she never seems to even get any dates, let alone any long term prospects, I don't know how high her chances are now of finding a man willing and able to support her financially in this economic climate. She's going to be very disappointed I think.

piprabbit · 10/03/2013 22:20

I used to try to talk to her about it. She feels she is stupid too. She is not, she is bright and funny. Now, if she starts talking about this sort of stuff, I just move the conversation along sharpish. I'm banking on her DD surprising her by excelling once she finds her niche.

Trekkie · 10/03/2013 22:23

There is a website to date farmers I think? There was something about it on the telly.

if she thinks being married to a farmer will = no work then she really is nuts Hmm People on farms work frigging hard very long hours 7 days a week often for little reward.

OP I would have been Hmm FFS at that too.
Although maybe these people are simply being realistic having read the latest report on the pay gap...

Original poster
Throughgrittedteeth · 10/03/2013 22:23

Fingers crossed, I wonder her DM felt the same way too? Sounds like something she has felt for a long time. You'd think she wanted more for her DD.

OP posts:
SconeRhymesWithGone · 10/03/2013 22:28

I understand why you are shocked, OP. Maybe the woman was joking, maybe not; her comment still sends the wrong kind of message to her DD. There are so many negative messages out there that disempower girls; it is especially sad when those come within the family.

Schooldidi · 10/03/2013 22:41

So there is Trekkie - fancy that! She knows it's hard work on a farm, she's a farmer's daughter so has lived on the same farm her entire life and regularly helps out on the farm after work.

Maybe I should have paid more attention to my appearance and found myself a man with more money, it would make my finances a lot happier, but I'm not sure how my self-esteem would fare.

PromQueenWithin · 10/03/2013 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trekkie · 10/03/2013 23:43

schooldidi your friend confuses me!

Sounds like what she actually wants is a farm and all the hard work that comes with that, and the only way she can see of getting one is to marry someone who already has one? So quite a different scenario to marrying someone and then never working again!