Aunties are a girl's best friend - says man telling women how to raise girls

[Sunnywithshowers]

Guardian article

Steve Biddulph (who, coincidentally has a book to sell), has called for a 'new feminism' to shield girls from big business / advertising / societal expectations and act as mentors.

I can't coherently express why this article gets on my tits. One of the commenters put it better than I could have:

"Because calling on unpaid female labour is the time-honoured way for male elites to avoid responsibility for the people they're exploiting for their own gain."

Yes, good quote. Don't know if I can bring myself to reading the article.

FWIW, my Mum and Mil are much better role models than dd's Aunties.

Men telling women how to do feminism always gets on my tits. When this comes from a place of complete ignorance about what feminism is and has done, even more so.

The article has Biddulph and Oliver James' arguments over rearing girls, finished off with a load of celebrity aunt quotes. Because nothing is readable unless it is a) written by a licensed penis holder or b) a celebrity quote.

I know what you mean about the article, though I think Oliver James' contribution was actually pretty sensible. The commenter you quote is spot on though.

To me, the Aunt thing in the book (at least as described in the article) comes down to the cliched 'role model' suggestion. Nowadays, all the deep-seated structural ills of society can be avoided for your child if only s/he has good 'role models'. Everyone must have a good role model, and we can't be expected to aspire to or achieve anything that a role model has not, well, 'modelled' for us first. Then, oh irony, celebrities and self-appointed leaders make a canny fortune setting themselves up as role models, because of course even role models have been commodified.

But the commodification of everything, especially women, is not the problem. A lack of appropriate role models is the problem. I don't think I'm going to be paying cash to Biddulph to hear this idea set out at length.

I am afraid that SB and OJ can fuck the fuck off to the far-end of fuck as far as I am concerned, not least when it comes to absolutely anything related to gender roles and/or feminism.

OJ pontificated on how girls nowadays have to learn houseworking skills from the TV because their mothers had jobs and can't teach them. This was the point at which the paper mysteriously ended up on the other side of the room.

To be fair, slug, that is some bird called Val wotsit about the housewifely skills.

They can ALL fuck off to the far side of fuck, innit.

No guessing who gets tea on the table in the Biddulph and James households, eh?

The thought of my sister being a role model for my dd makes mr shudder, horrible as it sounds I am going to try and make their relationship as distant as possible.

This is the Steve Biddulph who has cashed in on highly questionable sexual difference theory to sell a load of books about how to raise boys. He's doing the equivalent of a blue and pink range as far as I'm concerned - why is anyone giving the man any airtime?

I am at a loss as to why the issues raised has been set in a gender context. All children are exposed to incresingly unrealistically narrow media driven images of what constitutes a worthwhile person. All children regardless of gender need several sources of emotional support. Both my children have surrounded themselves with people of several generations (not all blood relations) who they trust.

Also, given that he DOES set the issue in a gender context, how does he manage to avoid seeing that the most likely cause is sexism and the solution doing away with sexism?

Steve, you describe a problem. But you fail to see that you are not the answer to that problem. You are part of the cause.

Tunip - the problem for him isn't sexism, it's how to make more money for Steve B. If someone could figure out how to make money from getting rid of sexism, we'd be making a.lot more progress...

A) if he wanted to tell other people how to raise their children it should be "Raising Children"; no need for boys/girls versions
B) he should not be telling other people how to raise their children.

I don't like this Steve Biddulph. First he says women can't raise boys because they haven't got balls. Then he says women can't raise girls because they haven't got balls. I think I can see his problem.

I certainly benefited from the support and guidance of many women who weren't in my family - brother in law's grandmother, next door neighbour, youth group leaders, etc. What Biddulph seems to be completely unaware of though is that feminists are some of the prime proponents of intergenerational support, mentoring and leadership. It's hardly an alien concept to them! But, unlike Biddulph, feminists recognise that it takes much more than a caring "auntie" figure to halt the impact of structural gender oppression on young women.

I think some folks are misreading what Oliver James said in the article. He's actually arguing against what Biddulph proposes, saying he has misunderstood evidence from research. I've heard James speak before and he pulls no punches about the detrimental impact of sexualisation, comodification of sex in general and capitalist values on the mental well-being of girls and young women. I'm guessing that the snippet which is critical of "American Feminism," is him suggesting that liberal/libertarian/empowerment/choice feminism (which is pretty popular in America, for historical, political and cultural reasons,) doesn't get to the heart of the problem nor address institutionalised sexism.

I think there are different issues for raising girls and boys within what is an institutionally sexist society. I'm just not thinking that Biddulph's book is likely to provide any useful answers for this though.

It pisses me off because it implies Mothers aren't already doing a bloody good job!!!

I think people are reading James in the light of what he's said elsewhere. He's one of these people that is very keen on there always being a parent at home, and occasionally he insists it doesn't have to be the mother, but then he keeps forgetting and saying mother instead of parent.

I have been ranting about this all day, after hearing it discussed on the radio this morning.

It really annoys me that Steve has set himself up as some kind of saviour of girls, having noticed FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO that girls are influenced by the media portrayal of women.

Why so late, Steve? Oh, I see, you realised you could cash in on the popular 'girl power' movement. Of course.

Oh, yes, I was ranting about this. Such bollocks.

I do dislike being told that some bloke has invented 'the new feminism' when he's describing women supporting women - which sounds remarkably like the old feminism to me!

It also seems to me that he's assuming a ready generation of 'aunts' - and it doesn't help that the article is illustrated with images from the nineteenth century - who're doing what with their lives, exactly*? Are we talking about childless aunties who are always on call to look after their siblings' offspring, or aunties who're also mothers, but who magically become wise sources of information to children who aren't their own?

And are the uncles in this picture all too busy going out and earning money with proper jobs, or are they simply incapable?

It's not a very flattering picture of men or women, is it?

• Yes, I am an aunt and I absolutely love my niece and enjoy spending time looking after her. But I'd be taken aback to realize so much of her wellbeing should depend on someone who has their own life and work in a different city!

I agree with Kritiq on Oliver James. But yes, we are almost taking this too seriously by discussing it at all, because this is really only about making more money for the author from a pair of pointlessly gender-differentiated parent-bothering titles.

Well my mother didn't do a great job at all and I am profoundly grateful for my "Aunties" (older Mum-aged women I formed relationships with) who became 2nd 'mothers' to me. I was fucked up enough as it was (through suspect parenting, emotional neglect etc mainly) and I shudder to think where I would be today without these other caring adult female relationships in my life esp when I was tweenie/teenager.

On the other hand, adult men at this point in my life I see now as being largely abusers or potential abusers. Thank goodness I (largely) steered clear of them.