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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

I bought a doll for my one year old son today...

30 replies

jammic · 06/10/2012 15:28

And my husband, normally pretty chilled, was not a happy bunny. I reckon I'm about to get flamed by his friends etc. Perhaps naively I wasn't actually expecting it to provoke such feeling.

OP posts:

CointreauVersial · 06/10/2012 15:32

Tell him to get over himself (your DH, I mean).

You haven't given him a toy Uzi, or a crack cocaine chemistry set, it's a doll.

My nephew had a Barbie until he was 7. He loved it. He's now 15 and, as far as I know, his masculinity is undiminished.

tittytittyhanghang · 06/10/2012 15:35

dont see any problem, its just a toy. ds1 got a doll for his 2nd birthday (was accident, he has unisex name) and it came with a little car seat and carry cot. Out of about 40 presents this was the one he loved most and carried it about with him for about year after. He is now 12 and is a typical boy teen, rough, cheeky, plays xbox. What does your dp think is going to happen

DoubleYew · 06/10/2012 15:45

Ds' dad had a problem when I bought him a doll. We are now getting divorced. Its not the reason but made me realise he was not the person I thought he was along with 3000 other things.

Apparently the worst bit was I got it for the village christmas party so he was given it by santa in front of everyone. And what would they think!?

I couldn't give a fuck what they think. And no-one has ever made a comment on it incidentally.

grimbletart · 06/10/2012 16:25

Boys play with dolls all the time - they are called Action Man.

3littlefrogs · 06/10/2012 16:27

Your husband is being silly.

JustFabulous · 06/10/2012 16:29

Your dh is an idiot, or does he have no plans to push his baby around in their buggy?

When I was pregnant with DC2 I bought a buggy and doll for DS1. He loved it. Was great fun going out with him, both of us pushing our babies.

JustFabulous · 06/10/2012 16:30

Also, why do you care what his friends think?

PiratesKnittingTreasure · 06/10/2012 16:30

DS1 had a doll for his 1st birthday cos his baby brother was due 4 mths later. 3 yrs on and both boys love playing with it still and the buggy it came with.

Your dh is being daft.

5madthings · 06/10/2012 16:31

tell him to get a grip, all my boys have had dolls, a toy pushchair (we have 2 actually) and a toy kitchen etc, they also have toy fairies and dress up fairy outfits and a dress up princess dress, along with a whole host of 'boys' toys but we dont discriminate between boys/girls toys in our house, they are just toys!

Original poster

jammic · 06/10/2012 16:33

He is being completely stupid. I don't care what is friends think. If I had, I wouldn't brought the doll. That doesn't mean I want an argument about it with them. Note to self, must walk away.

OP posts:

nickeldaisical · 06/10/2012 16:35

does your DH not change your son or look after him?
give him cuddles?
or anything?

if he doesn't, then fine, he's being a chauvinist like =every other area of his "parenting" ; but if he does then he's being a bit of a knob. ask him how your DS is supposed to learn these skills if he can't play now?

hauntedhouse · 06/10/2012 16:43

That's really odd. Children imitate adults when they play. Is your DH the sort of old-fashioned man who will not touch babies? My son not only has a doll, a pram, a pink umbrella (which he chose himself) but also a flowery 'girls' bike. For some reason second hand 'boys' bikes were far more expensive. DH not bothered in the slightest.

Original poster

jammic · 06/10/2012 16:50

My DH is fab. He does everything with DS. DH said well he didn't have a doll and he turned out alright. That's not really the point tho

OP posts:

GruffVoiceDownTheChimney · 06/10/2012 16:53

My friend'a DH was laughing about his son enjoying playing with the DDs pushchairs and dolls. He stopped when I pointed out that he had pushed his son to ours in the pushchair and changed his nappy and none of us were laughing at that.

SamSmalaidh · 06/10/2012 16:54

How bizarre! Why would your DH and his friends object?

JustFabulous · 06/10/2012 16:56

So he thinks having a doll = not turning out all right then .

hauntedhouse · 06/10/2012 16:58

Your DS is learning now how to be a dad. He's learning from your DH with a doll as a prop. Try telling him something along the lines that you hope your DS will be such a brilliant and caring dad as he is.

SamSmalaidh · 06/10/2012 16:58

Does your son never go to nursery or any playgroups?

nickeldaisical · 06/10/2012 17:00

I didn't have a Fisher Price ringing telephone when I was a child, but just because I turned out alright doesn't mean I would deny DD one!

nickeldaisical · 06/10/2012 17:02

maybe you need to play this along - sit your DH down and ask if he wants to talk about how deprived he was as a child because he wasn't allowed to play with dolls - pretend to do a "aw, poor you must have suffered" voice and ask him if it has affected him more deeply than he realised...

StellaNova · 06/10/2012 17:03

How weird. DS1 had a doll for his 2nd birthday to help with teh idea of his soon to arrive brother but I'd have got him one anyway. He named her Chilli con Carne and breastfed her from his tummy button - only for about 2 weeks though. He didn't show a huge amount of interest in her apart from chucking her down slides, although DS2 has been a bit more interested.

They have also had toy cookers, My Little Ponies and a dolls house, as well as numerous cars, trains, meccano, Lego etc.Can't see a problem at all.

Original poster

jammic · 06/10/2012 20:27

hauntedhouse I like you're thinking. DH does seem a bit happier now. Maybe he was just shocked. Anyhow he's named it dobbie and seems quite pleased with himself about it...

OP posts:

piprabbit · 06/10/2012 20:35

Children learn a huge amount about their world by incorporating situations they regularly see in RL into their play.
Children very, very regularly see adults caring for small children and babies. It is perfectly normal for them to want to try out nurturing and caring in their play, using dolls or other 'baby' substitutes.
It lets them try out what it might be like to be a 'mummy' or a 'daddy'.
It really isn't a girl vs. boy thing.

discrete · 06/10/2012 20:39

How weird.

Dh went out and bought ds2 a doll after ds2 wandered around a friend's house with a doll to his breast 'who was having his mummy milk' and got really upset when we had to leave it behind.

I would have thought a lot less of him if he hadn't.

NimChimpsky · 06/10/2012 20:40

I would never buy ds a doll.

He doesn't need one, he steals his big sister's dolls all the time. He also like the hairdryer and brushing my hair. He's 13mo. Of course he's probably already caught gay, but what can you do?

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