florence
Now, if he modifies his behaviour to increase his sales and starts to show respect to women, his trigger is financial rather than moral. How would you feel?
I don't care what he feels in his heart, as long as he treats men and women with equal respect.
I equate this to the civil rights legislation in America in the 60s. They didn't pass a law saying "you may never again think white people are superior to black people" or "you must become best friends with a black person immediately". They passed a law saying "you may not bar black people from using your public services and receiving equal treatment there: eg: your cafe, your bus service, your park, your shoe shop."
It didn't make individual racists less racist, it made society less racist and it made overt racism less socially acceptable. Which, in turn, eventually (over generations), made individuals less racist.
So with this salesman: I don't know if, deep in his soul, he's a sexist. I expect probably not - and frankly, I don't care. I care that he behaved in a sexist manner, which he ought not to do when serving the public.
If the reasons why he modifies his behaviour are financial, that's fine with me as long as he modifies his behaviour. I'm not here to modify his soul, and I don't need to, to ensure equal and fair treatment for the next people he helps buy a car.
Also, sexism is learned behaviour. It has to be unlearned. Learning to change your behaviour is hard, and requires external motivators (whether it's a sticker chart, a public weigh-in, a cheering crowd watching you run, whatever.) One external motivator is simply being informed that your behaviour is unacceptable. As a teen I used to throw around the word 'retard' like the rest of my peer group. At some point I was challenged on that, informed it was unacceptable, asked to think about the impact of my behaviour and change it. I have done so, since then. It wasn't a pleasant experience but I needed to hear it.
I wasn't accused of being a bigot, but behaving in a bigoted manner. No one told me bad things about the state of my soul, they asked me to review and alter my behaviour, and I did so. Making that change has made me more aware of 'ablism', too.
This is long and I congratulate anyone who's finished reading it!
Final note, florencejon - I think you were being told your responses were narky because they got rather interrogative, along the lines of "You experienced sexism? Well, what did you do wrong to make people treat you like that? How was this your fault?" I wasn't 'asking for it' by my behaviour, you know. I was just treated in a sexist manner because I was visibly female in a heterosexual partnership, in a car dealership.