'Domestic' violence - contrasting views

[Northernlurkerisbackatwork]

Just seen this story in my local paper here

On searching further I relised it was related to this story.

Given the details in the latter story, the former fills me with despair.

The litany of excuses is bad enough on its own, but absolutely appalling when one sees the details of what he did to that poor woman.

I am also really shocked that the newspaper would publish a whole article filled with defences of the perpetrator without actually explaining what he did. It is totally irresponsible journalism.

That's appalling. Some people's attitudes are sickening. I also agree with MooncupGoddess's second paragragh.

Agree, that second article is a terrible piece of journalism. One of the most shocking things about it is that it reports the sentiment that "anyone of us might do the same if we returned home to that situation" without making it clear that the situation was simply the presence of other men in the woman's home. That's all it takes, in the minds of an abuser's family, to confer some degree of excuse on such a vicious attack.

OMG, I know that people like to minimise DA but to go to that extreme is appalling.

That woman has been battered and the man who did it is "misunderstood". If one of my male relatives did that to anyone - male or female - I would be telling them that they deserve everything they get.

It makes me wonder about both articles though. What, actually, were the facts? (I'm not condoning the violence by the way). In the first article you link to the victim is described as his girlfriend all the way through, whereas in the second it states clearly that they were separated.

Definitely irresponsible journalism if the facts can't even be presented properly - the 'angle' they want to take has clearly fudged things.

I find very interesting that both articles were printed in the same paper. But while the one focusing on the man showcases some disturbing attitudes towards DV, I feel that it is actually useful to do this as long as it is done alongside the second article. It really demonstrates that unacceptable attitudes still exist in our society and anybody who is tempted to condone them is immediately put off by the second story. It also seems to be a rather good way of doing it without pointing the finger at the offender's mother and saying "you silly cow, how can you excuse this even if this is your son?"

But the journalism is a bit dodgy. I was also confused about the relationship status. But perhaps the people in the stories are confused about this too.

No one want to believe their brother, son, father, uncle, grandfather, nephew, friend, partner is capable of being a violent abuser. As a society we are made to believe they are monsters with horns and flashing lights making them stand out. We like to think violence against women is 'out there' somewhere else and not in our own lives. Most people are in denial.

I have to say that it would have been much better if both stories were printed in the same issue.

The victim's response to the sentence was published some days ago. The family's defence was from today. If you haven't seen the earlier story you wouldn't know the background. I'm unimpressed the families perspective was printed at all tbh. I see no value in that and it smacks of victim blaming to me.
Re the relationship 'confusion' I think that's deliberate by the family. Obviously the perpetrator's position is stronger if he claims it was still a relationship.

You'll nearly always hear the families of violent thugs speak like that, they think it's perfectly acceptable behaviour, that is why violent thugs are the way they are, they are raised that way. They should be blaming themselves for their horrible parenting because they are as much at fault as he is. They molded him into what he is, he chose to stay that way.

18 months isn't nearly enough. He should be given a punishment that would make him never want to raise his hand to someone again.

I try to think that things are improving but this is just shocking - agree with everyone's posts.
Very poor journalism regarding the second piece it needs reporting to the press complaints commission for misleading the general public - I will do that tomorrow.
I think it will stop people speaking out about things if they fear the press will then public such garbage afterwards - but then maybe that is why they printed it - just terrible - shocked (why I don't know).

What is the publication?

asking for it is different to allowing it - the former is the unmovable and fundamentally incorrect view of the abuser, the latter is the resignation of the person, male or female, who has also made a fundamentally incorrect choice to accept such a horrible situation

sad reality is it's nearly always codependency. The only real way out is early.