So what to do with that pointless rage?

[WidowWadman]

There's been plenty in the media about rape recently, in connection with Assange, Todd Akin, George Galloway etc. It made me think.

I've been raped on several different occasions by different guys. It took me almost a decade to realise and call it that. I don't think the guys who did it thought of it as rape. It makes me angry now and I'm thinking way too much about it. In a way, the realisation it was rape made things worse for me.

There's nothing I could do about it now. So much time has passed, I couldn't reasonably report it now, nor would I want to - it'd be impossible to persecute anyway - can't even remember the exact date. It was no stranger in the alleyway, but friends, and in one case ( the one which makes me the most angry) my then partner.

I feel I should just let it go, and just try my best to make sure my daughters don't accept the unacceptable, when the situation arises.

But I can't really switch off now that the discussion is everywhere. I'm not even really sure what my question is. But surely I can't be the only one who feels that way. So how do others deal with it?

[KRITIQ]

Widow, I've heard so many women (and some men) say they feel wrung out by all the news stories and discussions related to rape in recent weeks, and how for those who have experienced rape, it has brought up very difficult and painful feelings they'd thought they'd processed and dealt with. I don't think you are at all alone in feeling as you do.

One important thing I think has got to be making sure you yourself are okay. Even where things happened long ago and/or you felt you'd moved beyond the immediacy of it, discussions like this can trigger difficult feelings. If you need to talk things through, contact Rape Crisis or go to a secure discussion board where you can talk about stuff in a safe space. Please don't underestimate how things can impact on the here and now and never beat yourself up for feeling what you are feeling.

Take good care.

[Whisky4Tea]

Short answer: you aren't the only one who feels this way. I reckon there must be hundreds and hundreds of us, tbh.

Longer answer: why do you feel you should let it go? Do you think you ought not to make a fuss about things you can't change or happened a long time ago? Do you feel that you perhaps shouldn't let it bother you? That you ought to be strong?

I only ask because if you want to come to terms with your anger (which is not at all pointless IMHO), you might find it best to live it for a while. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions you think you "ought not" to have. It is ok to be angry, hurt, bitter, confused, depressed and tearful. It is not a sign that you are not coping or are weak, but rather a way of processing your experiences.

If I am jumping to conclusions (I am going from your title and one phrase of your OP after all) I apologise. If not, I find embracing the anger and letting it out is very liberating. Bottling it up otoh makes me physically ill.

[WidowWadman]

Thanks for your responses. I just find it strange how strongly I suddenly feel about it. I thought I could be rational about it. Ah well, I guess that's what the whole"trigger" thing is about.

[summerflower]

Thank you for posting this. I know it must have taken a lot of courage. You are not alone in how you feel.

[TheDoctrineOfEnnis]

Widow, I'm sorry that you were raped by your friends and your ex-partner. You'd be angry if people you trusted committed other crimes against you (stole from you, say) but it would have been easier to name it at the time. Anger is reasonable and rational!

When you named it to yourself as rape, were you angry then or is this the first time since that you have felt the anger?