Need to vent!

[amybelle1990]

I work full time and provide the main income for the household and I'm expecting my first baby in October. As it makes financial sense for my husband to be the main carer for the baby due to his working part time, I will be returning to work after 4 weeks and starting my Ma programme next year. We both want to have as much parental input as possible, but financially we just can't afford for me to go on maternity leave for a long time. It'll be tough but we're a loving supportive couple....but....

I'm so fed up with people making out that I'm going out of my way to not spend time with my child! I keep on getting comments like 'Oh so how come you don't want to spend time with your child' or 'It's a shame your husband has to look after the child.' Why? Is my husband incompetent? Why is his well being measured by how successful he is at work and mine on how much time I spend with my baby! Why have people assumed that because I'm working I'll have no parental input? Why have people assumed that I'm happy that me and my husband can't afford to both work part-time? I feel like so many people are suggesting that I'm giving up my womanhood just to support my family. It's so infuriating!

Has anybody else had a similar experience? Particularly, has anyone had resentful in-laws that blame you for your partners choice to be a main carer for the kids?

Sorry to vent in this way but it's so frustrating :( Also posted this in the feminist thread because it seems more like an inequality issue then anything else, but I can take my anger elsewhere if anyone feels that it belongs in a different section.

Not surprised you need to vent! There's still a lot of this around - people who talk about dads 'babysitting' their own children for example It's a load of rubbish and obviously you need to do what suits you and your family but it must be utterly infuriating to have to deal with the comments. If its any consolation, I think mothers just can't win - there will always be someone who thinks you are doing something wrong. Fathers don't have to deal with the same sort of pressure - their choices are respected much more.

One of the most annoying things is that my husbands choice isn't respected as his choice. It's treated like he's been forced to due to circumstance which is only half true. He's excited to parent and it's so patronising- his self-worth has plummeted because his parents make out that he only wants to bring up his children because he's 'failed' at having a career.

I've no children but one of my best friend has 4, both parents work part-time... I've no idea how they cope with their jobs and children but they're doing an awesome job and I admire for them....
I think prejudice against mums working and dads being home is still strong. A shame. Pretty sure you'll be an awesome mum even if you work, I never found that mums at home are better than working mums, anything is related to single cases.

Good luck Amy!!

Charming! Just shows how undervalued parenting is if even his parents suggest that this is some kind of back-up plan to compensate for 'failing' at his career. It's just seen as 'women's work' which is of no value to lots of people.

Good for both of you for doing what works for you. It can be really difficult to go against what is 'expected' of you, especially when everyone has an opinion! You will never please everyone though so I would give up trying - not suggesting it doesn't hurt though

The in-laws stopped making the comments fairly sharpish, but it's already been said and it can't be unsaid. I'm content with them being polite now, but the sheer prevalence of their outdated opinions is really disturbing