Is anyone feeling depressed after reading comments in rape-DV threads?

[MerlinScot]

Hello... maybe it's just me being oversensitive, because I'm an abuse and rape survivor, but while browsing online I often feel disgusted and depressed after reading the comments I find online on rape or domestic violence threads. Seeing police anti-rape campaigns like the West Mercia's one ("Don't get drunk or you could regret it") and the ordinary people's comments on online threads becomes highly depressing for a victim or a survivor. I guess it's normal to feel this way after understanding how rape and abuse are considered in the society.

Whatever views the authors are trying to express in their articles, it seems a good excuse for posters (of any gender or race) to come out with any sort of prejudice and nastiness. I've read many articles about rape and abuse in the past months and it always came out that people don't know much, or nothing at all, about those issues.

I feel highly discouraged by that and deeply saddened. For someone like me who went through rape and abuse and even decided to report those crimes to the police, I feel that there's still a great "hate" and a total lack of understanding against victims and survivors. Abuse and rape charities try to convince victims to come forward and report out of civic duty (they tell you that at least someone will benefit of your choice... really?) and then.. what do ordinary people think you did? They blame you for trying to have a "good man" convicted. You're the awful person, not the one who abused you and raped you, for years. I lost the count of people attacking me online because I went to the police and reported a rapist. To be honest.... many times I wondered why I spoke out. I always tried to fight the impression that it was better to shut up and solve my problems on my own, only through counselling.

Only wondering if someone on here, it doesn't matter if a victim/survivor or not, felt the same as me.

Oh, yes, I can't read comments on loads of things or my blood pressure would go through the roof. CiF is especially nasty.

I think you've got to keep in mind that these are people who deliberately sought out, and read, articles where they know they will want to make hurtful comments to the writer and the victims. They are therefore, IMO, quite flawed and unpleasant people.

I'm sorry you're upset by it, it is very understandable you would be.

I guess you probably nailed the problem LRD, they go there to make hurtful and spiteful comments against the victims and the writer.
Maybe I shouldn't be surprised about their lack of respect for the victims of a crime.... :(

CiF is dreadful :( it really tarnishes the guardian IMO. Any article on children or women unleashes waves of abuse or 'they should all be home' rants. It is profoundly depressing, I agree.

I used to get upset thinking that this meant normal people secretly think these things but I think, like LRD says, it's people searching out these articles to rant / do some damage.

Occasionally I fight the lonely fight and post back but the easiest thing is just not to read them if it's really upsetting you :(

Unfortunately I ended up avoiding to read them but sometimes I also find few good and well written articles and I'm tempted to have a look... in few words, I'm restraining myself from reading the article not to read the comments.

Well bigkid..some people 'secretly' think those things because I guess they're not expressing these views in the open, they're doing it online and anonymously. They wouldn't be searching for online threads either if what they wanted to say was "politically correct" in a certain way. I hope you got what I mean.

Yes I get why you mean, what I meant was I used to get upset that everyone secretly thinks that... But I don't hink that's true

Fidgetysheep, it doesn't matter if your loved one is male, everyone can be abused or raped. As you said, people tend to make wrong assumptions at every level because they confuse sex with violence and believe me...it's very difficult to educate those minds, whether you're a survivor or not. Blaming the victim is easier, it's also easier to believe that you can prevent rape and abuse acting in a certain way, another way to put the blame on the victims. People want to believe they're safe at night, they don't want to hear that dozens of Mr. Nice Guys are in reality abusers and rapists and police let them go due to a weak justice system.
They prefer to ignore. Even in the remote possibility that all the victims and survivors could speak out, you can be sure ordinary people would make excuses for the rapists or even get to the point of assuming the victims are the ones lying.

My recovery path is still long but I'm finally getting counselling, after few months of being let down :)

Merlin, I remember you from previous posts and I am glad you are getting counselling, I hope it helps.

There are far too many people online who just want to be horrible. It is really depressing. I try to read articles but not comments, unless I know they are moderated.

Merlin - you've summed it up in your last post - about how so many people find it easier to blame or dismiss victims of sexual violence because it's easier - and perhaps somehow feels 'safer' than to believe victims. I suppose that for many people, that attitude seems to make the world a simpler, and therefore more manageable place. It's a very cowardly approach, very fear driven.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-19091566

As the article says- alcohol doesn't rape women, rapists do

Thank you amybelle for posting that!! Yeah but the police chief... did you see what he said? "we wanted to prevent women are raped"... It's still putting the blame on women because preventing you're raped means you're not aware about how many women are raped when they're not drunk at all!!
It seems they apologised if the campaign caused distress to survivors but it doesn't seem they got the point of all the emails they received.

See, that was what I was talking about as me getting depressed...... :(