Rape and sex education

[EclecticShock]

Should the concept of rape be taught as part of sex education and at what age? Young people are heavily affected and apparently there is a distortion of rape facts being spread by peers.

article here

I do think something that needs to be taught is that when you are having sex, the person (or people) you are having sex with need to be enthusiastically participating. Not just lying there and definitely not unconscious, silently crying, or trying to get away. Teach kids that if the other person isn't showing clear signs of enjoyment and offering verbal encouragement to you to continue, you stop and find out what's wrong. And that if the other person has said something like 'Oh go on then, if you really have to' then that is NOT enthusiastic participation and you should stop and apologise NO MATTER WHAT.

At my dd's school had a program called "love shouldn't hurt" which covered physical and emotional violence. It was brilliant.

Passmethecrisps, your programmes sound great. Thank you for what you do.

The school I work at has specialist providers who come in from the local sexual health clinic to teach our students. They do varying levels of intensity from year 7 up to 11 so that it's all age-appropriate. I've seen them at work and they're fantastic.

This is what's needed more, I think. My own sex ed sucked. It was seriously pants, I learnt everything I know from reading and reading and reading some more. Not every teenager does that.

Our providers are genuinely fantastic - not only do they cover the biology but they also allow any question to be asked - and debunk myths that way - but they focus equally on respect and boundaries. For every five minutes they spend on the biology and STIs they spend another 5 on respecting each others' boundaries and being confident enough to say if you don't like something, and also on detecting and respecting how the other person is feeling.

This is exactly what we need more of. Every school should have this programme. My only (minor) issue is they also do workshops for just girls along these lines and self esteem and saying no (called 'Protective Behaviours') but not one for boys that's along the lines of teaching them about rape being 'any unwanted penetration' and debunking the myths that boys also hear all the time (you all know the ones I mean!).

Sorry for the essay

Passmethecrisps, interesting posts and thanks for posting in this thread!!

I'm happy that in some schools in Scotland children are taught by someone as professional and competent as you. Where I live (up north), rape myths are still so alive that you can hear teenagers saying "oh she was a bitch, she deserved that" (referring to someone who was raped!).

I was never taught the meaning of the word "rape" at school. I remember asking a family friend's DD when I was about twelve because I had heard it on the radio.

I do think there should be separate sessions for girls and boys about the right to say no/the importance of gaining a yes. However it shouldn't be completely ignored the other way around, because some students likely will find themselves in an opposite way round situation at some point.

Merlin - I think you and I must live in similar parts of the country. I had to tell a year 10 girl off today for telling someone they were going to be raped, just because they got an answer wrong. She (and others in the class) genuinely believed that I was over reacting completely because 'it's only a phrase, miss, it doesn't mean anything'. So we abandoned the Maths we were doing (display work as it's end of term) and had quite an informative 10 minutes where I explained to them at length what was wrong with that comment. They asked questions and I think I debunked a few rape myths for the whole class in those few minutes. It's a shame they'll go home and continue to live in the society that led them to believe them in the first place.

Sunshine, that's exactly the kind of scenario I was thinking of, so good to hear it exists in some schools.

GoodbutNotOutstanding, if it was just a child joke that would be nothing.. the problem is that the 10 year old girl will grow up thinking rape is something to laugh about or something that you get if you misbehave. In boys' cases, they get the idea they're allowed to do it if... etc etc.. insert whatever myth you can think of.

Merlin, sorry she's not 10 years old, she's in year 10 so is 15. She is perfectly aware of what rape is and teenagers are the people we need to be challenging about this sort of stuff imo. If she'd been 10years old I would not have gone into such detail about why what she's said was so wrong, I would just have made sure she knew it was an unacceptable thing to say.

Unfortunately, the term "get raped" doesn't always infer the actual act of rape in language amongst younger generations. It's like saying "fucked up" and not meaning pregnant. Not excusing it, just making the point. I hate it but I have heard it used.