Relationships to "save" " males

[ThePhantomDeregisterer]

I was reading a thread a few hours ago about someone's teenage son going off the rails and was saddened to see a few people saying a girlfriend would help him get his act together. I am surprised this idea is so prevalent. That it should be the job of a female teenager to do this.

It makes me equally angry and sad.

I agree. Ideally what people would mean that having a loving partner would give boy some purpose and happiness but unfortunately I think what they often mean is that some poor girl will have to put up with the boy's shittiness and take the load off his mother. If my son was going off the rails I would hope no girl would get saddled with him until he had straightened himself out.

Which is why raising our daughters with a strong independent streak and a willingness to question what makes a good relationship is essential. Same with sons, I know a number of teenagers who are waited on by their mothers and then go on to expect that as the norm from any relationship they are in.
Too many relationships are built on stereotypes of woman=nurturing and mothering rather than equal.

sensible girl sat next to naughty boy (and visa versa) is often a tactic used even in primary school.

It is very sad that anyone should believe that the best course of action is for someone to find a partner who will "look after them," rather than encouraging them to take steps towards transformation themselves.

So many times I have known people in relationships that have this kind of unhealthy balance - where one feels their fulfilment in life comes with making the other person "better," and where the other person really never has to confront their demons because there is someone there who will always sort stuff out for them. Heck, I was once in a relationship that was a bit like this and it wasn't sustainable in the longer term. It tends to end up that both people are stifled and unhappy.

I think it is more often a case of "the love of a good woman" being seen as the way to get a restless and wayward man to "settle down." Heck, the whole medium of Country and Western music is built on this trope! :) But, it's not exclusively so. There are also men who feel the need to be "knights in shining armour" and save a "damsel in distress."

whether it's right or wrong there is plenty of anecdotal evedence for men calming down slightly after entering into a relationship.

men in long term relationships are even prooved to live longer on average, probobly due to less late nights on a binge down the pub.

i dontreally have a judgement about 'the love of a good woman' and men calming down, i would suggest it's for the individuals in that relationship to decide

personaly, i want a partner who is exactly that, a partner, not a mother figure, but my OH does concern herself with my diet/drinking ETC dispite my protestations about that.

There is no doubt about it, women are the civilising force in nature

This is a rather cruel thread about a thread.

Females are a civilising influence, obviously you can't change another person but men will often change themselves for the better when it's required to get and keep the woman they want. When they're single, their male friends are the strongest influence and when they're in a relationship, their partner is. There's nothing shocking about it, it goes the other way as well. We are all influenced in our character, behaviour, confidence and happiness by those closest to us. Humans are social creatures and are molded by our experiences and relationships with others (or lack thereof).

I need to get on a computer to talk about some of these. Phone doesn't cut it for long posts, so I apologise if I can't reply till tomorrow.

Yes we eat them

I think I am civilising my son's, trying to anyway. I do feel it is my responsibility rather than launch them out into the world for some other poor woman to have to deal with them.

sons oh heck, you see how irritating this is.

"the whole medium of Country and Western music is built on this trope"

Ah yes, Johnny Cash case in point. Definitely wayward till he found himself "the love of a good woman" in June Carter.

It kind of plays into the annoying trope of the player/womaniser who screws hundreds of women, treats them like dirt but finds this no impediment to finally settling down with a good woman. It's a very common trope that no US tv sitcom seems to be without.

The other implicit assumption I think is that women are basically quite dull and love having their lives made more exciting by a selfish twat charismatic man who can't help having issues.