really trivial, really irritating comments at work

[bejeezusWC]

I have been thinking of starting this thread for a while; for people to vent about sexist comments/sexism in the workplace; particularly as many of us seem to work in male dominated industries

I am very lucky, that my work life is pretty much sexism free...and the odd comment within my team, will always get checked (by me mostly and is well received)

There have been a few incidents outside of my team but within the office, which escape me at the minute

There is 1 guy who is close to/just over retirement age who I only interact with in the tea room; but he always makes some idiotic low-level sexist remark..every single time.

Today I went to make a coffee, a female colleague was already in the kitchen; we said hellos and I commented on how many bloody cups of tea she was making...small talk really (cuz we dont know each other) Enter idiot...'Oh here we go again, mothers meeting....'

I know know know it is really tiny, but it REALLY gets my back up. I replied that there is only 1 mother in here (other girl is early 20's career focused, no glints in her eyes at all) and ignored him.

What do you do when someone says something small but insulting? If I pulled him up, hed say he was only joking, making small talk etc etc...it looks like nothing, it is nothing

...but it belies an underlying attitude, which stinks

Its covert stuff I find hard to deal with. Same with racism. the overt stuff you can get angry about and fight. the overt stuff is insidious and actually makes me rage more

Turn round and go "hahahahahahahahahahahahaha" really loudly.

When he looks confused, say, "Oh, soz, I thought you were making a post-post ironic joke because oobviously it's so sexist and ludicrous no one could possibly be serious."

I am in a fortunate position of working mainly with women who are largely aware of at least basic sexism - and will all challenge it. I know its draining to challenge a lot, so you need to make a judgement what is okay for you, but personally I would challenge this stuff.

It depends on the individual and the power relationship. Sometimes I have found continually turning the tables stops it. So maybe every time you see him talking to a man say - oh a fathers meeting again and roll your eyes. I have found this reversal technique can be more effective than just a straight forward challenge. He will probably ask why you have said it and you can then explain.

It also means if you get the come back - well it was just a joke - you can up the "joke" ante with him, until he gets the message it isn't just a joke. I have found sometimes people stop saying sexist stuff, even though their actual attitudes haven't changed, but at least they stop!

just remembered.....he 'told me off' once for making toast in the kitchen, because it 'makes the office smell unprofessional' (despite there being a toaster provided)

Grrrrr...

I couldnt do the 'HAHAHHAhhahhahahah' thing but I could manage the reverse joke about a fathers meeting I shall endevour to catch him chatting now...good tactic, thanks

He's obvs a total arse. Knee him int he balls. Faster.

Hully - Would be fun. But maybe not an ideal tactic to actually keep your job?

I find a friendly "What?" as though you haven't heard them works. Most people who say something stupid feel pretty ridiculous having to repeat it. If they do repeat it, then pretend you don't know what they're on about. Watching a man trying to explain a sexist remark without looking like a total asshole is quite amusing!

^^ yes! That. Brilliant.

Man at work once said something about 'that's what I'd call typical women parking - probably shouldn't say that, really, should I?' I said well no, not to me you shouldn't.

I have occasionally found it a good tactic to act completely bewildered, and make a comment about his view being really old fashioned, so in that example I may have said "What's a mothers' meeting? That sounds like something from the dark ages!". Or a sexist comment with "Gosh, I didn't know you were such a dinosaur. Do people still think like that now?". All said with a smile and a laugh, because then it is, y'no, banter, isn't it, and no-one can take offence, right?

I am lucky that I work in a place where the whole ethos is towards promoting equality and ending discrimination, so in nearly 2 years haven't encountered any sexism.

yes! I like all of these response!
why arent I quicker? grrr...

I think I am so busy repressing Hullys response, I cant think of anything to actually say!

Isn't mentioning the guy's age just a bit ageist.

i thought it might go some what to explain his attitude?

although i was just thinking if I do the 'oh look, a dads meeting'...it would have to be 'a grandads meeting'!

I think I am just going to ask him straight out, next time, if he has sexist tendancies..i think that approach would suit my personality better..

just remembered.....he 'told me off' once for making toast in the kitchen, because it 'makes the office smell unprofessional' (despite there being a toaster provided)

"Oh, it's no problem if you know how to work the toaster. I could try teaching you, if you'd like to learn it."

I would just say, with a note of genuine curiosity: "mothers' meeting, what do you mean?" (as it is a completely facile remark to have made). Then leaving him floundering trying to explain the remark, all the while nodding encouragingly as he digs himself deeper and deeper into the hole.

i'm in the building trade so i dont have very much interaction with women at work

once though, wearing shorts i had to climb a ladder in an office to hang some lamps, the 3 secreataries that shared that office were talking about my legs!