New and so many questions..Derail away!

[LurkingAndLearningForNow]

Hi.
I'm new to all this forum jazz so sorry if this message sounds awkward!

Basically my story is my father used me for child pornography from when I was a toddler to almost 10, when he broke a bone I couldn't hide and visitation was taken away. When I was a preteen I was raped by an internet predator and when I was 16, six boys from my school tried to rape me while a teacher watched. managed to kick them off me when the teacher stood in and scolded me for 'usg violence, as it was no excuse.) I suffered much abuse from the teachers who berated me for months on about my short skirt, my demeanour and other terrible things. I was subsequently attacked on school grounds a second time by one of the original boys and as the school refused to do anything, I went to the police and he received a joke of a charge. I tried to sue the school but was informed that was essentially 'over reacting' because of what happened to me as a child. I guess THIS is when I took off my rose coloured glasses and started seeing the world for what it really was..And how it seemed/felt I was of no value of society; just a story mother's would tell their children. You know 'that poor girl.' I can't go into the last incident any further as it looks like I may now actually have a barrister who will fight for me Please don't pity me..If these things had never happened my glasses would never have fallen and I couldn't be happier they did!

My mother is without question my best friend. She however.. feel awful saying this but she is a tad sexist. Taught me lots of propaganda about abortion, set different rules for dating from DB and I, and has the view that I am too fragile and delicate to possibly lead a normal life to name a few examples.

I'm also viewed as a failure by society because I have serious fertility issues. started questioning why people would treat a 19 year old like she was doomed because of it? Yes I want children but that doesn't mean I AM children. I have been receiving this offensive pity since I. Was. TWELVE.

This year I chose to study a course in Justice, with my electives being Family Violence and International Human Rights. I'm horrified by what I'm seeing in the world, and I'm horrified at how countries like the US (land of the free my ass..) are essentially stripping women of their rights. I've seen joyful posts from WOMEN about overturning Roe vs Wade! I can only assume they are as young as I am and don't remember the lengthy battle that went into place that I've read so much about.

I've joined these forums for a variety of reasons, but I find strangely enough that my confidence is boosted knowing that there are so many women out there who see what I see (in my limited view) Even if you are all across the pond!

I guess this thread is just an opportunity for me to learn. I'm a big reader so novel suggestions would be great. I'm also scouring the school library next time for issues on feminism.

I don't mind what is posted, I want to learn anything, everything I can! I want to be a part of the solution, not the problem...And living in such a tiny community like I do...I feel a part of the problem. I now want this course to take me somewhere I can help women/children. How I don't know yet.

So share your stories, links, suggestions, critiques..Anything here. Nothing is taboo. I want to learn and I have no one to teach me.

xx

*Using Violence, as it was no excuse."

Hey, gotta dash for work but didn't want to leave your very enthusiastic post unanswered! I was introduced to feminism through university but since then I have read some great books including "living dolls" by Natasha Walters, and "Delusions of gender" by Cordelia Fine. i couldn't recommend them highly enough. And also, search for feminist blogs sites - I think there's a thread on here dedicated to it.

Thanks, I'll look at those links after tea, call me whatever you like, doesn't bother me at all. :)

I live in Australia, I guess as well as learning I'm looking for a little guidance as being feminist around here is something to be ashamed of. I guess I'm just a bit lost..All I have is my passion and no knowledge. Will start with those links, particularly the essays!

Checked my local library (online for those books and they don't have them. :( I shall try the school library.

By the way unsure if it's relevant but I'm nineteen, twenty next month,.

Hello Lurking, it's great to see you here, welcome :)

I am really sorry that all those terrible things were done to you. As Ethel said, I know you're not looking for sympathy posts but when someone shares something like that it's impossible not to acknowledge it, you know?

Some links for you:

Feminist Reprise - a collection of feminist writings

Féministes radicales library - another amazing resource including lots of books to download

There are so many amazing feminist blogs - one of my favourites is Radfem-ological Images - check out "The Gears", probably one of the best radical feminism 101s out there.

As you're studying human rights, definitely check out feminist legal scholar Catharine MacKinnon (you probably have already). She is BRILLIANT.

I've learned so much just from reading this forum - there are lots of awesome posters here!

Welcome Lal.

I mostly lurk around these boards and have learn so much.

Hi LAL :)

I really like I Blame The Patriarchy and Hoyden About Town which is Australian I think. If you'd like more feminist blogs both those sites have links I think, or there was a really good thread on here a while back which I can try to find if you're interested.

Are you plotting planning to leave home and go to a bigger place any time soon? If not an outright feminist group you might find a women's centre or something where other cool women would hang out :)

Thank you for showing me condolence without patronisng me..Never happened before which is why I always say 'please don't pity me.' Thank you. :)

I'm bookmarking the links, with particular interest in the anti-porn ones.

A question I have is how did each of you define what sort of feminist you are? I know what I believe in my gut even if I'm still learning, but how do you define how you feel?

Yes, I am planning to move to Melbourne, hopefully next year if our fiscal situation is in order. Squeezing every cent! My brother is a politician (I know, I still love him ) so worst comes to worst he has said DP and I can move in with him. Sweet, but I think I'd rather shoot myself instead! I'd rather know I got there on my own merit since my mother already thinks I'm incapable. Don't get me wrong - She loves me. She just has the usual attitude of 'can't be fixed.' I guess she doesn't see I'm not broken.

I am simply thriving off all this info! I am obviously a terrible googler! When I type in feminism or similar phrases almost everything I find is very biased to the point I'm becoming paranoid that the internet has an agenda against women! Which is silly of course. Then I wonder how common was it ten, fifteen years ago for the internet to be used merely for IT work and porn? So maybe I'm not too far off the bat.

I am a googler too. This looks good and these women have a facebook page so you can see if it's still active maybe? This looks interesting at the University too.

I am in a local feminist group (not in Australia sadly) and if people want to join to follow the online group chats or join in, or because they will be moving to the area or whatever we're always pleased to have them.

I wish we had something like that around here Elephants! I live in a minute town (population around 1000, farming community. GREEEEEEAAAAT place to overcome female stereotypes..) so when I move to Melbourne I really want to search the area and join some groups. I travel to Melb for school and I go to a gym that helps victims of sexual abuse, but I feel i still don't have a voice.

Thank you oh mighty googlers!

I don't define what kind of feminist I am. I'm just a feminist. I have been on a journey of feminist discovery since I discovered it for myself and I have challenged my own beliefs and have probably changed as a feminist too. I was 21 when I discovered feminism, i'm 26 now. Age doesn't matter but I do think that we are particularly affected by porn culture and the objectification of women, just because of the time we have grown up in.

I'm young so I know my values will grow and change as I grow and change, but basically a summary of how I feel now is:

*Most bothered by light sentences on sexually related offences, boys will be boys and most of all VICTIM BLAMING, See my first post. Victim blaming damaged me more than the attack, without question.

*Strongly disapprove that women are being groomed into believing sexual activity they may not be comfortable with (eg threesomes) is something they must do for their partner. Being groomed and shaped to believe that porn, stripping etc is 'liberating.' On the other end of the stick, a wife has no reason to be distressed her husband had a naked woman rub her genitals on hs face. Boys will be boys..

*How extremely undervalued women over the age of thirty are considered in every. Aspect. Of. Life. Unless of course she's a mummy. YAYY!! The implication that women are only useful if fertile or attractive. On the other end of the stick, I am considered attractive by society's standards and there is extreme pressure on me to act as certain way, just like 'ugly' women.

*The subliminal messages in some TV shows that women can only find happiness through being a SAHM. Even seen entire episodes of silly 'brain junk food' shows like American Dad and Family Guy where the wife finds a corporate job and realises how unfullfilled and lonely she is. In one episode, she was a CEO, drove past her ex husbands house, saw a new wife picking up his socs so went back in time and 'learned to be grateful for all she had.' THIS bothers me GREATLY.

*Lesbians and Bisexuals (I am Bisexual) only exist to gratify men and if they don't fit a beauty standard they hold no place whatsoever in society. Even in gay rights documentaries it's always about gay men and their feelings. Never Lesbians.

*Magazines. Bikini Bodies. Enough said.

At the moment these are the things that piss me off the most. What sort of feminist would I be classed as? I'd like to know so I can do a little Googling of my own to learn more about where I fall in the feminist spectrum (for now.)

Just an FYI: I intend to spend a year years of my life as a SAHM, but that's because it will make me happy. Why are women considered selfish for putting their happiness first but men are just 'go-getters?' I also have no issue with stripping if that's the woman's choice..I guess I just don't believe n this society women are capable of seeing that it isn't TRULY ther choice..If that makes sense? Sorry if it's offensive.

*A few years of my life. Sorry it's late here and I don't have my glasses on.

What sort of feminist?

Maybe a righteously angry and extremely articulate one with loads of potential? :o

I don't feel the need to classify myself. I'd rather just be "a feminist" and stand up alongside all the other women who've seen through the bullshit throughout the world/history.

Blimey. You have been through the mill. I should think your Mum-coloured glasses fell off with a bang after that lot.

Of course she is strong because she protected you as well as she knew how, raised two strong kids in a hostile environment and is a parent you can talk to. A person can be all these kinds of strong without politics, but I think they'd generally feel a little bit less alone if they found a 'politics' that respected their issues. I'm delighted you're finding feminism a sort of home for your own feelings :)

I don't define my feminism. I was a 70s activist, am a straight white female and not a socialist except in a capitalist way! My feminism took a back seat during the 80s as it seemed, finally, possible to assert my equality and that of other women without having to 'do' politics. I was, however, living in a very unequal relationship which I chose not examine too closely. I turned out to have impaired fertility but, whilst I minded both not having DC and other people's nosiness, quickly found ways round both. It doesn't bother me now. From sometime in the mid-90s, it seemed to me that women's rights had stalled and now it looks almost to be going backwards - in some ways, not all.

Consequently my feminism's now almost as loud as it was in the 70s (my other politics are even louder) and much "harder" because of my increased age, experience and perspective. A lot of people here consider me some sort of feminist wimp but, choosing to remain blissfully ignorant of the waves & factions in feminism, I don't care.

Which is a very long way of saying hello

Hi Lurking, I saw you on the other thread

Based on what you said there I'd also like to direct you to Women Under Siege, an initiative targeting sexual violence in conflict zones:

www.womenundersiegeproject.org/

Their Twitter: twitter.com/#!/WomenUndrSiege

They are really, really fantastic.

Also Safe World for Women:

www.asafeworldforwomen.org/

You can even do a bit of volunteer work for them online.

I consider myself a feminist even though I've never read any of the classic feminist works btw. It's not a requirement!

My feminism stems from my deep anger at all the horrific and unnecessary suffering women have to put up with in this world. Ach, don't get me started

Hi Lurking, Glad you delurked. And it is crap what has happened to you.

I also worry/am angry about a lot of things you are angry/worried about. I worry about the influence of porn on young boys/men and how this leads to their sexulaity being distorted - and then these boys/men pressurising girls/young women into sexual activities taken from porn.

Until recently I would have said I was a feminist, but nothing more about what type of feminist. But I have learned so much here. Now I think I would say I am a radical feminist. Yeah mumsnet made me a radical feminist! I didn't expect that when I first joined up here.

But you don't need to define yourself or be in a rush to do so. Just read around, debate and ask questions and make up your mind in your own time. Sorry I hope that doesn't sound patronising.

Well I've had a good read of all these links and 'm feeling brainy, I'll tell you that!

DP told me today I was 'too pretty' to be a feminist. >Headdesk.< He doesn't even realise how liberal he is.. realised subconsciously every guy I dumped was due to sexism in some form. Even the same for my female partners!

I did have one very close female DP who tragically was killed a couple of years ago. :( That was something that infuriated me. At that stage I had alcohol issues and she had smack issues VERY severely. Guess as a child, I was foolish as to how dangerous this could be, I was angry at the world (as was she) and we didn't 'want' help. She ended up getting bludgeoned by a dealer.

I remember the day after it happened..She got a tiny column on the near to last page and was marked as a prostitute..The cover was dedicated to a football/model romance.

The more I look back, the more things I realise shaped my perspective. Just doh'ing that it took me so long to figure out!

I'm a Marxist feminist and believe that nothing will change for women without complete social and political change.
I would reccommend reading female chauvinist pigs by Ariel levy. It's about modern raunch culture, to me it shows just how pervasive patriarchy is as women now see their own oppression as liberation. This makes it even harder to fight against!
It shocks me how few people support feminism when so many people experience brutality from disgusting men like you did op.

Just coming in to bags a spot on the thread. The links posted so far look interesting. I'm also finding my way as a feminist and trying to move forwards from feeling cross at sexism in my day to day life to understanding and acting on it in a wider context.

Oh, and welcome to MN