Having discovered feminism, I'm having a problem...

[itsthequietones]

I've only recently discovered this forum on mn although I've been had feminist leanings for a long time. I'm reading The Equality Illusion and a couple of online blogs as well as past discussions on here and the problem I'm having is that i'm angry, really, really angry. I'm bordering on furious for pretty much most of the day, I can't sleep properly because of it.
Everywhere I look I see inequality and sexism, I'm hearing it from friends, family, people everywhere. I have two young daughters and I don't like the world that they are growing up in.
I think that it's good to be angry about this, but I don't think it's particularly helpful as I don't know what to do with the information that I'm discovering. What can I do to help change things?
One other thing if anyone can help. I'm used to being the kind of person who sits on the fence about issues, I'm not good at expressing myself clearly and I find I'm easily talked around. I guess the more research I do the better I'll be able to fight my corner, but, I feel uncomfortable about feeling so strongly about this as I think I'll be on my own among many of my friends.
I'm sorry if it's a bit of a ramble and doesn't make much sense.

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Have you found any local feminist groups? It's fun to be angry in numbers and then you might hear about activism too. Or go to an event, a conference or a march. Then you can shout with others. Once you're hooked in there's all sorts going on. That helps with the speaking about it too, as you are then more used to doing so. Here is great too.

And welcome aboard!

Thank you Alice :) I'll have a look around for local groups, that sounds like a good idea - especially with shouting!

I think that anger is very normal :) and very healthy. You've had the wool removed from your eyes and seeing how very bad, and damaging life is under the patriarchy for women. Women feeling anger and passionate belief seems to be discouraged under the patriarchy too so it can feel doubly hard to discuss feminism (I found) amongst friends in case you sound like a loon. I felt like a born again evangelical Christian at times and wanted to grab everyone and tell them the Good News :o

I think women are also taught never to offend (it's often safest too, and personal safety is paramount IMO) and to see everyones point of view. However, you can't do that with feminism. You can't see the POV of misogynistic thinking and women hate because it's just wrong.

The way you are feeling is the way I think all feminists feel when they first explore feminism (sorry I'm afraid it doesn't go away...). We had a thread recently where the OP said almost exactly the same thing as you - I'm off out just now but I will try to find it later. Reading it might help you to not feel alone.

Angry is good - there are lots of things for women to feel angry about. I find activism, etc helps because it uses the anger in a positive way.

Definitely channel the anger into activity, whether it's writing letters, going to feminist events, volunteering for rape crisis or a women's shelter, or just challenging sexism when you see it.

Also the internet is a great place for expressing your opinions in a fairly safe way and practicing putting your point across.

Anger and rage at the way women and girls are treated are the driving force for feminism, so it's great that you've got a good dose of them.

itsthequiettones I know what you mean. I spent most of the 1960s in total flailing rage. Then I remembered the mantra "Don't get mad, get even" i.e. get constructively angry and challenge, challenge, challenge. Also, never forget the power of "fuck off sunshine" to exponents of patriarchy, misogyny and what have you.

@itsthequietones

You sound just like me :) I've recently discovered this forum and many of the threads have made me really angry.

What good feminist reading is out there?

Welcome :) Yes, it does make you angry. If these problems didn't exist, there'd be no need for feminism.

I question friends' unthinking sexist assumptions, yes. I shut up if the conversation doesn't open itself to more feminist perspectives, but I do feel it's important to at least plant seeds. I'm certainly not ashamed of having some feminist views, and that would be the only reason to keep quiet!

Me too! I've lurked on and off for some time on this forum and just starting to post a bit too. I also go to a local feminist group and I'm trying out my voice on some of these issues online and IRL. I think it does/will get easier with practice.

As for the anger... I've been channeling mine into making positive changes in my own life firstly (getting out of abusive relationship, study, reading etc) because I feel like I can't really help anyone else if I'm drowning myself, but also want to engage a bit more with the wider world.

I think anger channelled into action = power, otherwise it feels like impotence and depression.

Conver those sexist women friends you have then. Don't express anger though because no one wins an argument if they get angry. Parents know this only too well.

Instead of being angry - go forth and rule. Ensure at home you don't do more than a man and do what I did - earn 10x your other half and become in a position of power to effect more change. It's huge fun.

But if you rule too much at home,the man leaves.
Then you are left with all the work.

:) you are great women and I'm very glad to have found this board. Thank you so much for your replies, they have been extremely helpful.

I haven't found any groups here (I live in Malta), but I did find rather a disturbing article on feminism on the local news website that desperately needs a comment adding to it.

Not quite sure how to put it but, I feel full of potential. I feel strong and well, empowered. It's a good feeling. Anger is good.

If you can't find a group, you could always set one up. Set up a facebook group, book a room, decide a meeting time. Then see where it goes from there.

And we are great, well spotted

What is it like in Malta for a women? I've only been to Milan but was not impressed by the Italian men.

That sounds like a Good Feeling itsthequietones.

I feel like that a lot of the time - resolute.

enimmead - malta is not Italian, not since Roman times (not that there was an Italy then of course) it was British most recently, independent for ages now

I knew that I do, don't I why did I not check before posting honest.

What is it like in Malta for a women?

Enimmead, that's a good question. Let me gather my thoughts (and some books that I've been enjoying reading to recommend to you) and I'll get back to you tomorrow.

I think it was only last year that Malta voted yes to divorce. Can you now get divorced in Malta?

Yes Xenia, that's right. It's taken a long time and there's been a lot of protest about it. Abortion is still illegal here and men (primarily the older generation) do not do housework, 'tis women's work. On the plus side there are no porn or lads mags (that I've seen) available and no strip or lapdancing clubs.

I'm going to have a chat with some of my friends to find out more.

Sometimes places that might not have a feminist group have a "women's" group or centre. A WI type thing, or a community place. It might be worth asking around and seeing what sort of other women you can meet in women-only spaces. Interesting ones, IME :)