I get so annoyed when my dd is described as a tomboy!

[charlmills]

My dd is 2.9 months and had been described as a tomboy, especially by inlaws.
We have never dressed her in girly girly clothes and she is into a lot of rough and tumble.
Now as far as I am concerned this does not make her like a 'boy' she is just a lively, active child.
I just get annoyed that if girls don't wear dresses and are active they are described as boyish...
I know they don't mean anything by it but I want her growing up to know that she is a girl and behaving in a certain way does not make her any less of a girl. I don't want her feeling that she is 'masculine' if she does behave this way.

I can't believe that these old school ideas are still being passed on in some form or another.

2.9 months?

When you have a child it really brings this stuff into focus, gender roles are so strong.

Do you mean 2.9 years though?!

I think that is because a girl being like a boy is seen as a good thing really, or at least understandable, while a boy being like a girl is seen as a bad thing and so there are only negative connotations.

Totally agree that children should be left to be children without any of this gender role nonsense.

Is she a tomboy though?

Yes sorry 2.9 yrs.
I totally agree this stereotyping is so strong. It's just ingrained into the consciousness with flippant comments. They seem sort of harmless but I want my dd and ds to grow up feeling confident with how they are and not what they think is expected of them. I think these comments can have a huge impact overall without them even being noticed. Just the word 'boisterous' starts with 'boy'.
I might have to say something though about the tomboy thing tho if it carries on....!

Well you will find a lot of like-minded people here on the fem section!

There is loads of stuff you can do - there are book recommendations on here for girls and all sorts.

You won't change society overnight unfortunately but you can give your DD a full range of activities and let her enjoy them with encouragement - whether they are "girls" things or "boys" things. I grit my teeth when my DD (nearly 5) wants super-girly stuff, but recently everything is "a gun" - both extreme ends of a gender binary. It's such a shame.

Can I recommend a couple of books that my DD enyoyed when about the age of your DD, and still does now

this

this

My FIL comments that my DS (18 months) is "getting in touch with his feminine side" if he pushes a toy pram or feeds a baby doll. It pisses me off no end but I just ignore it because I figure at his age it's too late for him. However, if he does ever try to humiliate DS to his face then I will definitely be having words.

how can she be a 'tomboy' at 2yrs old, she sounds like a typical toddler to me!

god gender stereotypes are annoying!

hello 5madthings

waves at sardinequeen :)

can i ask redbindy do you REALLY believe a child can be a 'tomboy' at 2yrs old?!! they are just babies at that age, she is just a toddler and being a toddler, i dont think there is any difference really at that age?! my own dd is 17mths and so far seems very similar to her brothers at this age, she does have a doll and a puschair (the boys had one too) and she plays with that, but she also plays with toy cars and building blocks and likes to pretend to be a Thudercat' holds ds4s' toy sword of omens up in the air and says 'hoooo' like liono does she is copying her brothers.

toddlers imitate what they see around them and explore the world they are in, i really dont think they follow gender stereotypes as that age!

this is why i belive i would have been a great farther to a girl.
i'll try to explain why.
i will teach my boys all i can possibly can.but, if they were girls i would do exacly the same
when they emrge from uni they would allways have the safty net of what i taugt them.

Set your expectations low, and you'll always meet them, eh, chairman?

I'd have hoped that's the basics for any half-decent parent, isn't it?

sorry i was half pissed when i wrote that last night, what i meant to say was, i'm in construction, my boys will learn my trade , but hopefully they will go to uni and have more opertunities than i had, but the saftey net of having a working mans trade will allways be there if they need it.
the fact that construction is a predominatly male enviroment would have stopped me teaching a would be daughter the same trade, all knowledge is useful, and maybe women will start appearing in the building trade over the next decade or so, it may become a real opertunity for a girl.

My MIL calls my 3 yo a tomboy when she does radical things like climb on the climbing frame. God it annoys me.

Never let sexism (nor racism) pass you by without comment otherwise you are condoning the moral wrong. Even in taxis although I don't get into a debate with the racist taxi driver when there is one I will always object even if just to say - not everyone shares that view. We cannot idly stand by and let sexist grandparents be as they are. It behoves us to challenge them. Have a debate. Debates are great. Some families are so dull they discuss nothing.

Say - ah, let's talk about that. First of all I don't want you to say that because I believe girls will be active. Perhaps tell me how in your own family you feel girls were disadvantaged by being labelled? Tell us about division of roles in your own family?

In that way you can get the grandparents to talk about these important issues. Do not just smile and seethe.

A 2.9yr old cannot be a tomboy! they're just a toddler ffs!

I have a guide who at 10/11yrs old is the only one not in any way into stuff like nails or hair and has no patience when the others choose to do that sort of stuff. Even at her age I am always careful of describing her interests - I generally try to say 'x prefers more physical activities'... I dislike the term 'tomboy' even though at 35yrs old I might be consdered one (I'm into mountain biking and martial arts).

Even in taxis although I don't get into a debate with the racist taxi driver
Why ever not? Why not debate with the taxi driver? I always like to challenge ideas especially if they are discriminatory about class gender or culture.

My dear old mum was convinced that I was a 'tomboy'. Just as she is convinced that my DD2 is a 'tomboy'.

I know that she wanted me to be a boy (I have an older sister). I suspect that she was projecting onto me - she thought I might be disappointed to have two girl children.

I don't want to blame my mother - I blame her socialization.

One girl is a mistake anyone could make, two, however, is a problem.

Can someone explain to me what projection is please?

I think Xenia is saying really the same thing, though, mini - even if you're not minded to get into a debate at a particular time, don't let stuff go completely unchallenged. And I agree with this - we should question things which will affect how our children see themselves.

My DD who is 2.4 gets called a tomboy simply because she has scruffy hair and is not all neat and groomed like her peers at nursery.
It doesn't bother me though.

I am saying thes ame thing, as habb, says except I say it in a way that I won't get thumped and will be taken to my destination.

My general point is that if we condone racist and sexist views then we are almost as bad as those making them.

If someone says so and so is a tomboy you could also I want her to run the country and/or be a leading surgeon and/or chair BP and I think the more she is allowed to run around and play the more likely she will be able to achieve her true potential. Or challenge the other person say "Yes, it's appalling how some parents dress their girls so they cannot play. That will realyl hold them back. Why don't you have a word with them and perhaps lay some rules at the nursery in term of clothes to ensure those other girls are not as disadvantaged as they currently are?"

I think it is ridiculous to describe a girl toddler as a tomboy because she is active or wears trousers! Equally though I don't think limiting dress wearing is going to determine her future as a successful woman. I think dressing toddlers for comfort is paramount and personally think dresses especially in the hot weather can be very comfortable.

There is/was a thread elsewhere where the OP was frustrated with MIL because she wants to dress her toddler daughter in more 'girly' clothes. The Op described the typical outfits she puts her little girl in. She spoke of skinny jeans and a tunic top- I don't see how these are more practical in fact I think they're very uncomfortable for toddlers.

I have a 14 month old DD and have inherited bags of clothes that used to belong to my niece. None of it's particularly girly but there are a few pinafore dresses. Lots of room for toddler pot bellys. Cool in the summer and in the autumn teamed with leggings or tights are comfortable because these things stretch...surely a lot more practical than restrictive skinny jeans or trousers with buttons around the waist?

I dressed DS in stretchy trousers and dungarees throughout toddlerhood because it accomodated the toddler belly more.

I don't think you're limiting a girl's life chances in putting dresses on her if they are practical. In fact you're reinforcing those prejudices by suggesting there are girly ways to dress and boy ways to dress.