What are you?

[minimathsmouse]

Since having my first child 11 years ago I have been contemplating this question. What am I? First and foremost, not who am I but what am I?

What would be your first thought (not politically correct response) if someone asked you "What are you?" How do you define yourself? is that shaped by individual experience, feminist theory, your professional status, your relationship to others or something else?

Increasingly, I am defining myself as a woman first. It feels like we're almost afraid to use that label. Then feminist. Then other things.

Does it change in relation to who asks the question though? If a work colleague asked you the same question, would you give a different reply?

When I worked full time before having children, I would definitely have defined myself just by my work role. Although before having children, I was still a women, a daughter, a partner and a friend etc,,

If in a theoretical level e.g. over internet with no context like at work - then what comes into my head first is a woman, then in my 40's, then white. I guess the physical realities of what I am.

If you asked me who I am I would talk about job, partner, etc first.

I am a cancer mum, a woman, a feminist, a scientist. Depends entirely on who asks and in what context what answer I give.

I'm "me".
I'm a person.

Beyond that it would depend on who was asking the question and what I thought they were actually asking - if someone at work asked, I'd assume they were asking what my current role is in the organisation. Outside of work, I'd probably just give them a puzzled look and review the conversation up to that point, as it's not usually what people ask, is it?

IME experience they ask things like "are you married?", or "do you have children?" or "what are you doing these days?

So the context is important as is who asks the question. I'm wondering if you remove the context of environment like home/work & of who asks, does it change anything?

I used to only define myself as my work role. I remember soon after having DS1 in the depths of PND and whilst on maternity leave, shouting at DP "I'm not just a mother"

When I gave up work a couple of years later, I started to ask the same question. I knew who I was but really rebelled at the notion that, first and foremost I was a mother.

I am a woman, first and always.

Second I am a mother.

Third I am a nice friendly polite person.

Joint forth I am a wife and I am English

Fifth I am complex. In my head I mean.

I'm the milk, no sugar, luv, ta. What're you?
[peers at mugs]

In all seriousness, I suppose I'd say I'm a woman, a graduate student, and then I'd have to think about it. Although my passion for DS is all-consuming, and mothering him has changed my life irrevocably, I still don't think of myself as a 'mother' that intently. Though I clearly am.

I dunno! It's an interesting question.

I don't think I ever defined myself in terms of relationships, even when I wasn't going out to work. I might have said I was a housewife, or that I was busy looking after DS for now. But I wouldn't have said that I was a mother, wife, etc.

I'll add a couple to my list I suppose -

I'm "me"
I'm a person
I'm Scottish
I'm a woman
I'm a civil servant, and an IT developer

I have a husband, a son, a mother, a sister, a brother.... but none of those relationships define who I consider myself to be.

I'm me, I think that sums it up quite well, internally, I am me. I remember my own mother saying to me that she defined herself as a mother first and then everything else. At the time (still struggling to get used to the idea) I baulked at this. As time has gone on and I don't feel so antagonistic towards the idea, I realise that society both defines me as mother and then denigrates mothering.

Now, well I still don't know I would like to say my first response would be "a women" (of course) but even that feels internal, like the same as me, taken as red, not a changeable condition, innate.

In order of importance:

'Me' is a person; a complex human being.
I am a woman.
I'm European, white, British, English.
I'm a Londoner (I'm not, actually, but London defined & reflects me.)
I'm getting old.
I'm blonde - has to be said, as all other efforts quickly revert to blonde!
I'm struggling to learn to live with disabilities.

I am ONE person. That may look weird at first glance but, like many (most?) other people, my perception of my self was defined by my relationships with others and their perceptions of me. I've spent more than ten years learning who/what I am; how to exist as a complete being within & for myself.

The other stuff I'd mention is more about qualities I have than existential truths. Actually "blonde", "old" and possibly "Londoner" are qualities, too, but they seem to be central to my self-idea.

Interesting question, I'll be reading the thread avidly!

my true knee jerk answer to your question was to name my profession in my head

despite being a woman, a wife, a mother, a Feminist, I define myself by my job

I am a simple soul, I think or I've been doing it so bloody long, it's always at the forefront of my mind)

I am me.
I am not a what.
I am a who.

I'm quite envious of that, AF. Although my first response was to say my name in my head, which can't be bad either!

I used to work in an industry where this was the main question. I got so angry with it that at the last awards ceremony I attended, I told anyone who asked this question that I was a prostitute.

Why not.
Anyone who asks what you are is seeking to use you.

I think I know what you mean, Dione, but "What am I?" is also a fundamental philosophy question.

Clearly, "An epidemiologist" or "Garlicfucker" are not philosophically enlightening replies

I used to have an androgynous game avatar, crafted with tedious loving care from both male and female templates. The very first question nearly all other players asked me was "What are you?" ... which touches on feminism- and gender- related issues.

My instant reaction was "musician," which would be followed by person, mother.

I get unreasonably irritated by being referred to as a woman or girl, Totally irrational. I don't like being referred to as she or her, either, although I have yet to find an alternative! (I'm fine with "it" )

Good Question.

I'm me!
I can't escape that my best school friend used to say there's no one quite like Startail. For better or worse she's right.
Describes DD1 perfectly too.

I'm the Mum of two amazing and utterly different DDs

I'm a scientist
An atheist

a)DHs wife
b)A woman and a feminist
These swap if DH is being a sexist twat

British (white, but I've never lived in an ethnically diverse area so its not something I think about), British, English if I have to choose, but I went to school in Wales and have a huge affection for it and it's people.
I just have a real problem with Welsh or Scots nationalism, I think we are stronger united.
English speaking
I'm crap at languages and have been to the States and lived with American students and have Canadian friends.

European, last because I find it the hardest to relate to.

Lots of different responses. I'm wondering if how we define ourselves shapes how other people define us or is it the other way around?

Various frivolous answers come to mind - I'm an Aries/a rolling stone/a dahhhhncer (channelling Nicole Kidman in that perfume ad).

More seriously, I'm this point of consiousness in the universe. I'm human. "A woman" is not something that would immediately come to mind - my consciousness feels somewhat androgynous.

I wouldn't immediately say "DD's mother." I'm delighted that this relationship exists, but it's relationship rather than an identity. When she was born I found myself marvelling at her separateness from me (in a positive way). She was so immediately and obviously another person in her own right.

I'm not sure I actually know how other people define me, and whether or not it matches up with how I define myself. I'd hope anyone who knows me reasonably well wouldn't think of me as "DHs wife" or "DSs mother", but there will certainly be people who do think of me that way because they don't know me as an individual.

I'm me
I'm happy
I'm fabulous

are the first things to come into my head.

Second layer of thought was

I'm a booklover, an atheist and a feminist

Third layer:

A parent and the other half of a couple. 30, British and white. In retrospect these are all ways that I don't like being defined or judged by, but that also are socially important.

I am a person, a socialist, a feminist.