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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Please be gentle - self harm as a feminist issue

84 replies

fluffydressinggown · 12/05/2012 17:55

I am currently in a psychiatric unit because of my self harm.

My psychologist has asked me to read two books (Susie Orbach - Bodies and Women who Run With the Wolves) and think about them in relation to my own body and feelings.

Reading them and thinking has made me wonder about how I, as a woman, view my own body as a without value and an object for me to do things to rather than to inhabit and be a part of.

I certainly think that in the media there is a strong sense as woman's bodies as objects without meaning behind them.

I consider myself to be a feminist and so I am interested that some of my issues (of course this is not the only reason) may be related to this. I certainly place no value on my body in terms of keeping it safe or secure and I do see it as a vessle to destroy which is quite separate to my own internal being. I often say 'I need to do enough' and 'I need to make it right' which make me wonder why it has to be enough and right on my body. I don't do it for emotional release or to dull internal pain, it is about damage and punishment, and a way to communicate.

Of course self harm is deeper than this and has many many reasons, but I am interested in looking at it like this and wondered if anyone had any other feelings.

Interestingly I am very well 'kept' and for the 6 weeks I have been here (and prior while I was in the community and unwell) I have had my make up done, nice hair, nice clean clothes, showered twice a day. I find the contrast between this and the hand I can barely use because it is so bruised and swollen from shutting it in heavy fire doors to be difficult. Oh and I have been told repeatedly that 'I am a nice girl' and 'I obviously care for myself' because of my make up - despite the very physical damage I do to my body. Which is interesting, like being a nice, good, neat girl makes it ok?

Like I say please please be gentle :)

OP posts:
Atreegrowsinbrooklyn · 15/05/2012 22:56

We all have a right to our privacy, yes.

But fluffy be cautious about compartmentalising any further than you already have.

Your engagement with your care team is a two way street. They cannot work effectively alongside you if you do not do your utmost to be open with them. By all means keep certain thoughts and feelings private until you feel able to discuss them. But the danger lies in being more open with people who whilst they wish you well and want to support, step over into a level of psychological analysis that suggests a knowledge of you and your situation (as it evolves) that is not really there.

I am not being territorial. It is about you developing and nurturing therapeutic relationships with those in your care team and your family/friends that are not potentially compromised by well meaning people on the internet.

I won't engage in a discussion with other posters about this because it is inappropriate on your support thread. i just wanted to offer my regards and suggestions to you fluffy.

Atreegrowsinbrooklyn · 15/05/2012 22:57

Crossed thread. Good for you fluffy.

Morello · 15/05/2012 22:59

I think it would be a very good idea to share with your care team some of the specifics of this thread. I hope you are feeling stronger soon.

fluffydressinggown · 15/05/2012 23:01

I really do know what you mean and I appreciate your concern.

I had a 40 minute MDT and an hour chat with a nurse today + little mini chats this morning. And I saw the psychotherapist for an hour yesterday and it is more in depth and more 'honest' (for want of a better word!) in real life than on here.

OP posts:
Atreegrowsinbrooklyn · 15/05/2012 23:09

You are embarked upon a long road Fluffy, no doubt about it but exploring the feminist perspective will only increase self autonomy, not decrease it. But it is something to be explored slowly, thought about and discussed at length with all sorts of people.

You have said previously that you have a tendency to intellectualise. You no doubt have explored why this is so be on your guard that feminist reading doesn't become part of this defense mechanism against feeling things rather then knowing them.

Your psychotherapist/psychologist can hopefully share your reading exploration with you in such a manner as to encourage you to start to engage with the messier feeling parts of your womanhood. You are the bare bones (the objective 'cleaner' bits) of your self. But all the messier bits are in there too. And they can be and feel really good too.

I send you love and light Fluffy.

garlicfucker · 15/05/2012 23:09

Dear fluffy :) I don't want to try and influence your thoughts or anyone else here; I really just wanted to wish you well.

Susie Orbach's work was very impactful for me in my younger days, when I had eating disorders, and did actually lead me to fix all my self-harming behaviours (except drinking and smoking, but they weren't damaging my life like the other stuff.) I'm impressed your psychologist recommended her; none of mine have thought to!

It's great to hear you're getting good care and are engaging with it - willingness to learn is what makes the difference :) Go well.

fluffydressinggown · 16/05/2012 11:48

Thank you :)

I finally slept last night (chemically induced but I will take what I can get!) and feel brighter today. Going to speak to the nurses this afternoon about a new care plan so will talk about my feelings about my own body in that and see if we can find a way forward.

OP posts:
SweetTheSting · 16/05/2012 13:42

Dear Fluffy, I am glad you are feeling a little better. I hope all goes well with the nursres later.

CatitaInaHatita · 16/05/2012 13:48

I wish you all the best Fluffy. I am glad you feel a bit brighter today. I hope that feeling lasts.

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