DD1 (3yo) says only boys can climb, girls can't!

[mendipgirl]

I have no idea where she got this from but when she said it yesterday when she was trying to climb a climbing wall I was stunned. DH and I would never say anything like this to her (I double checked with DH to make sure of this and he was as shocked as me.). She goes to nursery one day a week and a preschool 3 mornings a week and spends one day with GPs. I really hope nursery and preschool wouldn't say something like this to her and I guess GPs are a different generation so might have, but I'd be surprised!

She must have got this from somewhere musn't she? Or is it something that she would have come up with herself or just picked up from watching other boys and girls play? We encourage her to do anything and everything she wants and never distinguish girl/boy things.

I'm just really shocked that at the age of 3 she already thinks she is less capable than a boy?! What do I do??

at this age they are just learning to generalise, so her steroyping of girls is actually the same thing as her saying I drawed instead of I drew or sheeps instead of sheep. She will have seen fewer girls climbing and so will be generalising. Just explain why she is wrong.

Children do come out with these pronouncements, e.g. 'Daddies go to work, mummies stay at home', 'men are doctors, ladies are nurses' etc, even in the face of evidence to the contrary (i.e. a mother who goes out to work and a female GP). I've often puzzled over where it comes from, maybe kids books or TV - even if they're not explicitly told these things, they do generalise from what they observe as witch says.

I think I'd just calmly correct, e.g. 'Of course girls can climb. Look, you're climbing now!' and not panic!

okay, that's reassuring. I did say of course you can climb, girls can do anything boys can do and left it at that. Will try t not to panic!! I just wasn't anticipating this kind of thing already, but what you've said makes sense! Maybe I should start climbing with her !

You could ask anyone who says that girls can't climb to watch a video of free climber Catherine Destivelle.

For example, her climb in America, without safety ropes

It sounds as though you did the right thing in "gently challenging" what she said and explaining why it's not correct, just as you'd do if she said or did anything else that wasn't right. Perhaps it's possible to add, "some people will say these things, but it doesn't mean that they are right," maybe going on to explain why granny doesn't think girls should play with cars or neighbour sad something bad about a boy wearing a pink shirt. I think the important thing is to reinforce that YOU don't think this or that is wrong or bad.

Gender stereotyping sadly is all around us, almost like wallpaper and it's there from birth (or pre-birth if you know the sex of the child ahead of time.) People often say things without thinking of the implications. Others say only girls can do this and only boys can do that because they genuinely believe that to be the case and want children to conform. It's also in the images they see - the separate boys and girls toy and clothing aisles, what they see characters doing on tv or read about in books.

It's interesting what you say witch, that perhaps the OP's DD got the idea that girls don't climb because she hadn't seen as many girls climbing as boys. But, that then begs the question - if that's what she saw, why were there fewer girls climbing? That goes back to all those messages that press even the smallest children into gender specific boxes that can limit their choices and aspirations and can damage their self-esteem.

We get stuff like this all the time from dd1 (8), less and less now as we always challenge it.

She's told us that she can't play football and can't be prime minister. Like you I had no idea where this had all come from but she said whenever she sees footballers or the pm they're always boys.

We put her straight

Vesuvia, love the climbing link - also Lynn Hill is an awesome climber. Makes me laugh in the comments though, if the climber is a woman there'll usually be some jerk commenting about the camera man being just as good....

Back to OP - we were watching Working Girl the other day and it's the scene when Melanie Griffith is trying on her boss's dresses (Sigourney Weaver being off skiing). DS looked confused and and said "how come her boss has got dresses?" then his little face cleared up and he laughed "of of course, I forgot women could be bosses!"

Seriously! I was . Incidentally at his school both the HM and Deputy are men........

I remember being shocked at the thought of a male prime minister when I was little (grew up in the 80s :)).

It is interesting how children pick these things up though, very interesting and quite telling to see society through fresh/innocent eyes. Yes it is generalisation, which is just a child's way of making sense of things, and they'll grow out of that phase, but clearly there are things there that they're picking up on.

it's quite scary how quickly and insidious this stereotyping is though isn't it?!

I second vesuvia.

Also look at Alison Hargreaves (an inspiring mountaineer who tragically died on K2).

It may be that she has only seen pictures of boys and men climbing?

My colleagues daughter was really shocked when she found out men went to work. It wasn't until she brought her into the office that her daughter had ever seen a man working.

Example is everything - worth more than all the talking. Take your daughter to the nearest big tree then you climb it.

Can she and the other nursery girls climb in what they're wearing? Worth checking that she isn't being hampered by dresses and type of shoes.

My DS is always talking about space, my DD asked "can girls go into space?"

I took them to meet her

Like Lancelottie I'd check that she didn't mean
"Girls in skirts/dresses shouldn't climb"

If my dd said that I would counter with
"You're a girl and a brilliant climber."