is it possible for rape to not be a crime of control/violence/humilation but of lust?

[nailak]

I know it sounds like a silly question, basically I was telling someone that the man is doing this as a means for manipulation and control of the woman, and the woman was saying that since she was with him he always had a high sex drive, and wanted sex every day, and now she is not giving it every day.

so basically the reason for rape was lust and not violent.

now i have typed that out it looks really stupid.

exerting physical pain,use strength to deny someone choice
that's rape
you see communicative,attentive couples discuss mutual sex drive etc
it doesn't come down to you used to be up for it so if he doesn't get a fuck he's entitled to take it

No. Lust involves a desire to be wanted, surely?

"wanted sex every day"

Key word - "Wanted"

Does not mean the same as "Needed"

You've obviously not been raped OP.

there is no entitlement one get ones rocks off
and it's not lusty or heightened desire to forcibly take from someone else

that man may have "wanted" sex, but just taking it without consent is powered by hate, entitlement and violence

"lust" implies a base desire that isn't under your control, and could possibly be excused (it can't)

raping someone is the ultimate act of control (along with murder)

No, it's still a control thing. If he was a single man - or a decent one - he'd have a wank and get over it, same as we all do if we want sex and it isn't forthcoming. Or if there's a real imbalance between his sex drive and hers, that is a matter for discussion. Basically, he was asserting control over the woman's body - he wanted sex, and saw that as more important than her not wanting it.

you were right first time 'the man is doing this as a means for manipulation and control of the woman'.
The driving force may be lust but the reason is thinking(totally wrong word...) his want overrides her choice, and the action is then violence

I hope your friend is ok, btw

it might be a good idea to point her in the direction of some literature on rape myths

The ability to control impulses such as lust and anger is what makes us human. That's why rape and violence are crimes - because, barring any type of mental disorder, they arise from someone choosing to act. The "overpowering lust" argument is basically stating that men are animals, and that I can't agree with.

Not unless the person is either mentally ill or has SN of some kind and therefore no impulse control and no understanding of rules and boundaries. The sort of person who doesn't understand why s/he can't just take whatever s/he wants whenever s/he wants it might well sexually assault others in the same way that s/he might take and eat someone else's food or belongings or hit another person for being in the way with no thought to the consequences.

Lust is a strong desire for something. Its like saying i had a strong desire for chocolate, so stole some from a shop, its still classed as shoplifting, no matter how much i wanted some or how well i knew the shop keeper!

If a person really wants to have sex then they really want to have sex. (lust)

If the way they get that sex is by having it with someone who doesn't want to have sex with them, then they are by definition exerting power and control over that person.

Even if you are shaking with lust, you don't act on it if it's unwanted.

You have a cold shower.

Or wot SQ said

Thank you for your messages.

I now Know what to tell her.

anyfucker

She has support from services etc, and the childrens center has been a big support to her and have helped her access services etc. But there is some sort of stockholm syndrome or something, where she keeps going back :(

blondie it was the woman who is being raped that said this to me.

I didn't realise this was a real situation.

Your poor friend.

Yes, your poor friend

She may have to leave/go back a few times more before she finally makes the break.

Or he might have to seriously injure her. Sorry to scaremonger, but these are the facts. Hopefully, he will shag another woman soon. I had a friend like this, and it wasn't until he was unfaithful that her tipping point was reached.

She could need telling repeatedly that men don't need to have sex else they explode or something. It's such a pervasive myth, my ex used to tell me it over and over for years. I honestly believed it until relatively recently, after years of my partner incredulously telling me it wasn't true. I think that's the kind is stuff that underpins the lust argument.