Mixed sex dc sharing a room?

[TeddyBare]

This isn't exactly a thread about a thread, but another thread got me thinking about this. Sorry if that's not allowed. I'm not sure why I feel like this is a feminist issue and I'm really struggling to articulate it to myself so I'm hoping for some insight from another perspective.

I feel like there is something profoundly unfair about expecting post-puberty girls to share a room with their brother, even if he is younger.

I think young dc (younger than 7 or so) might benefit from having a shared bedroom with an opposite sex sibling if the parents are careful to avoid gender stereotyping them. In that situation I think it might help them to feel entitled to play with the "wrong" gender's toys etc and it means they wouldn't have to justify it to friends before they are articulate enough to do so. I think it might also help them to share their interests with each other more and therefore realise that they're not really that gender specific.

However I think that it is necessary to split them up before either of them reaches puberty. I don't think there is anything wrong with same-sex dc sharing a room though, even if one is prepubescent and the other is older. I'm not sure if this is me playing into some kind of idea that girls are only "normal" until they reach puberty and then they become so different and alien that they must be hidden. I'm also concerned that it might be that I am subconsciously supporting the idea that girls need to have privacy in order to "prepare" themselves for boys, as if interaction with boys should be a "presentation" of themselves rather than normal everyday experiences. Despite these misgivings I really feel like it's very unfair for a parent to force their teenage dd to share a room with her brother. I think it's showing a lack of respect for her dignity and her boundaries as she develops, and I think this lack of respect for women's boundaries is difficult to cope with as a teenager. It is something which happens a lot outside of the home, and I feel like home should be like a haven where teenage girls don't have to defend their boundaries to privacy all the time. I have no issues at all about parents deciding lots of things for teenagers, but I think by 11 or 12, a girl should be encouraged to be making up her own mind about what she feels comfortable with, and that the parents need to facilitate this. I think most of the time a 12 year old girl would not choose to share a bedroom with her 10 year old brother all the time. And I don't think simply getting changed in the bathroom (as was suggested on the thread in question) resolves that.

Sorry this is waffle. I think there is a point in there somewhere but I just can't articulate it.

time to change, I have put forward a case as to why I think this is a feminist issue, i.e. that I think dds sharing with their brothers are more adversely affected than dss sharing with their sisters. If you do not accept that premises then by all means discuss why, but simply stating that it is not a feminist issue without any attempt at analysing why you believe that doesn't really add anything to the discussion.

If you do accept my point that dds are more adversely affected than ds by sharing, then it becomes a discussion about whether parents should take reasonable steps to prevent this or not. "Reasonable steps" means abandoning babies on the side of the road is out, as is sex-selective abortion or sex-selective IVF. However I think in some situations it would be suitable to consider sex-specific adoption or fostering, or, as you suggested, not having another child. I don't believe that parents have a right to have as many children as they want if it is harming the child(ren) they already have, especially when the negative consequences are being disproportionately focussed on their dd(s).

Crunchy Frog, you're right that councils consider it inappropriate to have older mixed sex dc sharing, I think the age might be 10 or when the first reaches puberty. It adds some more points to the urgency of moving the family, which in turn moves them along the waiting list for a different house. I think it's quite an old rule though, so I would imagine their rules are based on outdated ideas, or possibly it's covering their own backs because they don't want to be answerable in a trial about incest?

Blimey I would rather sit on a sofa that folded out to my parents bed than share a room with my brother when we were teens

And TBH most teenagers hide in their bedrooms the whole time anyway so I don't think not being able to access family space after 9.30 would be a prob!!!

Loads of families have a parent or other adult sleeping on a fold out bed in the "living space" it's not that weird.

I don't think girls suffer any more than boys when sharing a room. I don't think it's ideal but I don't think it's a huge issue either.

I also think that there is no difference with the sexes here. Some teens will of course be happy to share. Many won't - whether with a sibling of the same or opposite sex or a parent or other relation.

I don't see that teen girls have more of a "need" for privacy than teen boys.

OK I dont think its a feminist issue, as in it affects neither gender more than the other.

Poverty is however a feminist issue.