Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Adding DH surname to my passport

37 replies

marshmallowpies · 28/03/2012 11:42

Not sure this is the right section for this topic, but as a feminist would be interested to hear what others think...

I recently got married and didn't change my name - which DH was completely fine about.

I was talking to a married friend who also didn't name-change, and she said she regretted not putting her husband's name after hers on her passport, because she now has a DS and is about to take him abroad on her own for the first time - so may have extra faff at Customs as a result (i.e. of the 'why does this child not have your surname' variety')

I am expecting DD any day now AND my passport is due to expire shortly. If I do put DH's surname after mine on the passport, will it save me a lot of trouble in the long run? I have looked online for advice and some people seem to be saying a legal letter countersigned by husband is required to say 'I give permission for this woman to take my child abroad' or words to that effect, which leaves me a bit Hmm

Of course I appreciate it's for a serious reason, to prevent kidnapping and child abduction, so I'm tempted to go for the easy option and put both names on my passport. Does anyone know if there would be other implications, though - e.g. name on passport being slightly different to what's on my bank card/driving licence/bills, etc might cause trouble when trying to use the passport as ID?

The other option would be adding my surname as a middle name for DD, but we have 2 middle names picked out that we like already and I wouldn't want to drop one in favour of my very dull surname...

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 28/03/2012 12:00

I have travelled with DS (different surname) two and from the USA a few times. No one has ever said a peep.

When DH was about to take him on a solo flight, oddly, we were advised that he might want to take a copy of our marriage licence. Even though those two share a surname (mine's in the middle, which is a saga of its own).

shrug I think they worry less when it's the mother with the child, though I don't know statistics or if that should be the case.

Original poster
marshmallowpies · 28/03/2012 12:04

Thanks for the advice blackcurrants. I guess the other thing to do is wait and see what happens to my friend when she takes her DS abroad.

My SIL who kept her own name also takes my nephews abroad a lot, but they all do have her surname as a middle name, don't know whether she has ever had any issues before. I'll have to ask her.

OP posts:
wem · 28/03/2012 12:05

I was stopped once at a French airport with dd1. Having my surname as her middle name seemed to confuse them more than anything. DH was just ahead so I called him back so I don't know whether it would have been enough to convince them in the end.

MoChan · 28/03/2012 12:06

My daughter has a different surname from me, we decided to give her her dad's surname so that she would have the same surname as her siblings. Seemed important at the time, not sure I'd do the same thing now.

ANYWAY, she has her own passport and we have different surnames and it's never been questioned when showing passports. Admittedly, we have generally been travelling with her dad, but we have been split up as we went through passport control before, and I've ended up showing mine and hers together and not been questioned about it. Surely if they do question it, you just say "she has her father's surname", and that should be that?

If there are some kind of legal implications, that is insane. I mean, having the SAME surname as the child doesn't automatically rule out abduction, does it? If a man, or woman, illegally takes a child abroad, they're actually quite likely to have the same surname, aren't they?

Perhaps I just know nothing about the law. I am quite confused about the fact that this is a problem.

kickassangel · 28/03/2012 12:09

Dh, dd and I all have the same last name. I still travel with a legally witnessed letter from Dh. Haven't had to use it, but dd is asked "has dad had to stay home to work?" or something like that every time we travel. I shoul imagine if your kids are younger, then you might want a letter.

Canada is, apparently, one of the stricter countries.

So passports make no difference, you prob need a proper letter no matter what the names are

MoChan · 28/03/2012 12:09

half siblings

KRITIQ · 28/03/2012 12:10

I've never heard of this being an issue. There are some countries and cultures where members of the same family have different surnames (e.g. Iceland) and the authorities have to deal with this.

I could see there being problems if you have a different name on your passport from your recognised legal name, so I'd be careful about fiddling with that.

I'm not clear, has your friend had problems at passport control or does she just worry that she "might?" If the latter, where did she get the idea from? It could be you are both worrying about something that's not going to happen.

nickelhasababy · 28/03/2012 12:10

my dd has a different name from both of us.
if you're worried, you could take the birth certificate with you.

bemybebe · 28/03/2012 12:13

with my first marriage i carried a proper copy (legalized and apostiled) of the wedding certificate, so if ever questions were raised (rarely, but they were), I had a proper document on me.

kickassangel · 28/03/2012 12:15

Oh, and you're most likely to be stopped as you enter the next country, not leaving.

Though I travel from the US to UK on a British passport, do the Brits never ask.

Kritiq it has apparently been an issue for some grandparents taking kids on holiday. Must be true cos my mum read it in saga magazine.

BlingLoving · 28/03/2012 12:16

If you weren't married, or were divorced and remarried or any number of other scenarios where you changed your name, you could be in a situation with different names to your DC. So changing your passport for that purposes is a bit pointless.

Also, it gets complicated as if your passport has a different name, you have to be careful to always remember to book tickets in that name and ID gets complicated.

DH travelled with DS, who has the same name as him, and he took DS birth certificate with and did need to show it. In future, if travelling alone with DS we've agreed to take both a marriage certificate and a birth certificate.

Original poster
marshmallowpies · 28/03/2012 12:17

Thanks everyone :)

KRITIQ - no, my friend hasn't taken her child abroad yet but is about to. She has obviously picked up the idea that different surnames might be an issue but not sure where from.

She actually has dual nationality so has a passport for the country she is going to, as well as a British one, but her DS just has a British one for now. Perhaps it's the country of her birth which has a particular issue (it's one known for its strict customs control).

kickass - I think Canada is just strict generally with its border control, isn't it? I've been to Canada twice and have had more questions asked of me at their customs than anywhere else put together! (PS I love Canada, no offence intended other than Hmm at your customs people!)

I am not planning to take DD on any solo trips any time soon, by the way, it's just the fact I know my passport will need renewing soon that has brought it to mine.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 28/03/2012 12:18

Birth certificate won't make any difference. They are worried about the non resident parent kidnapping their own child. So they want to know that both parents have agreed to this, not if the child is yours.

Which is why a letter from the father (in this case) matters more than the passport name. And why a father traveling with kids but no mother is more likely to be stopped

Original poster
marshmallowpies · 28/03/2012 12:19

'mine' = mind, obviously.

OP posts:
AbigailAdams · 28/03/2012 14:45

I took my DS1 to Holland a couple of years ago by myself. I was advised to take his birth certificate, which I did. It was asked for and checked both there and back, so was certainly worth taking. Didn't have a letter though. I don't need one surely. I am entitled to travel with my children.

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 28/03/2012 14:52

My cousin was stopped on her way into Canada, where an aggressive security person demanded of her 5yo DD "Where is your father?" Once she'd got over being freaked out, she said "at home with my baby brother" and that seemed to be sufficient. Cousin, husband and DD all have the same surname.

malinois · 28/03/2012 15:00

I don't think Customs would care - there isn't import taxes or duty to pay on children is there?

If you're talking about Immigration, there are no exit immigration controls in the UK so you certainly won't be bothered on the way out. There are exit controls in most other countries but if you are not travelling on a passport of that country, and neither is the child, why would they care?

DP and I kept our own names after our CP, and DS has a third surname - it's never been a problem.

mousymouseafraidofdogs · 28/03/2012 15:06

different names here, dc have dh's name.
I have a copy of the birth certificates in the dc's passports, never any trouble.

Ephiny · 28/03/2012 15:09

I doubt it would be an insurmountable problem, probably easier to just take the birth certificate with you than faff about with having different names for different purposes.

Or have you considered giving the baby your surname instead of your DH's? There's no law that children must have their father's name.

Original poster
marshmallowpies · 28/03/2012 15:44

Sorry 'customs' is my catch-all term for border control/immigration, etc. didn't mean to imply you need to pay duty on children! Grin

Based on all this feedback I think keeping passport name as is, but taking birth certificate if i do ever take DD abroad on my own, is the right option. Provided I don't lose the birth certificate...touch wood I've never lost an important document on my travels but there's always a first time...

OP posts:
mousymouseafraidofdogs · 28/03/2012 16:03

just don't take the original, just the copy.

kickassangel · 28/03/2012 21:21

They often check as we go through security as we leave.

Like I say, they believe it is your child, but are mainly worried you're taking them with you if there's a nasty custody battle going on.

victorialucas · 28/03/2012 22:21

Why is there an assumption that your DCs will have your DP's name? Give them your name. Problem solved.

samandi · 30/03/2012 09:52

victorialucas - indeed, I was wondering the same ...

Why not give the kid both names? Or even all have the same double-barrelled name?

I also fail to see why sharing the same name as the kid automatically means you're not kidnapping them.

TrophyEyes · 30/03/2012 11:19

DS has his father's name. As of yet, the only time it caused problems was on the way back from Cyprus one year. We've been out there four time, without DS's father. Never had to have anything from DS's father, either. I usually take DS's birth certificate, just in case.