A wife's job is to look after her husband

[MadameChinLegs]

I should have posted in AIBU, really, as I do NOT think I am BU for wanting to give SIL a right good shake for saying this.

It makes me cross. I wanted to respond, but couldn't work out a suitably non-mean, non-waffly response.

Am

If he has a disability, and requires a carer, then yes.

If not, then I would assume that he could look after himself. Does your SIL also think that a husband should look after his wife?

I guess it depends on what she means by "look after", though, really. Does she just mean that couples should support each other & be considerate of one another's needs?

Nope, he is able bodied. I think but don't know for certain that she thinks a DH should financially look after his wife (horses for courses I suppose).

She said it in terms of having his tea on the table ready for him coming in from work.

Husbands and wives look after each other and should be a team.

What kind of looking after is she talking about? I'm guessing she doesn't mean the occasional blowjob?

ah, damned x-posting :)

What BeerTricks said. A Team.

I wouldn't want "tea on the table" the minute I got home from work anyway.

Holy shit what year does she think this is 1940?! I guess that she doesn't work?

Well, we eat at 7 after the baby goes to bed, and it's quite nice that DH will keep me company (and in wine) in the kitchen while I cook (he is crap at cooking). The last time she popped round to ours she did say "i'll wait til after your DH gets in from work so he can have his tea" I was that she said HE could specifically eat his tea....erm, ok, I felt like asking "do you think we don't eat together?"

She is on Mat Leave (as am I) at the moment, not really sure what her decision is re: returning to work (not my business and im not interested).

My DH is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt by saying "ah, she's just embracing being at home"

Hmm, sounds a bit prehistoric to me, but if she is happy...

my mil is like this, thinks i should have dps dinner ready and waiting, was aghast when she discovered he made his own lunches to take to work (and made the boys theirs at the same time) that he changes nappies and cooks nad hoovers and does laundry etc is to her, she thought i should get up before him in the mornings and lay the table and have his bfast all out ready for him!! ha ha so not happening!

my MIL was shocked when she found out I didn't do my H's ironing

she just couldn't get over it !

my mil bought me an ironing board for my 30th bday when she discovered we didnt have one! it still rarely gets used and if it is used its by dp!

My grandmother has never come to terms with the fact my step-father did all the grocery shopping. Even though my mum was a SAHM, she just hates grocery shopping. My attempts to explain how we have the internet for this stuff now has fallen on deaf ears. My grandmother, incidentally, finds my life unimaginably hard because I have to go to out to work (DH is too ill to work), whereas she only had two children to raise, during rationing after WW2, no mod cons and a DH with only seasonal work (bricklayer) who did absolutely nothing in the house when he was out of work. I know which life I'd pick.

I also find it bizarre that anyone would want to eat within seconds of arriving home, but perhaps if the model is around one partner having done a very physical job all day, he/she would arrive home both very tired and very hungry. It still wouldn't be the other partner's "job" to have tea ready for that same instant, although it would be considerate to do so.

I didn't realise how 1940's she was until this comment, but in retrospect, she has said things in the past which I just brushed aside.

She rang me to ask what type of sandwiches my DH likes as she was prepping lunches for her DH and mine to go fishing. I just said "I don't know, why don't you ask him?" Thought it was odd that she was making them anything, as DH usually just gets chips at the peir. Why she thought I would know, and why she didnt just ask him first (he is her brother after all).

She also said the other day "ah, a woman's work is never done". If it weren't for the fact that she says these things when others are around, I'd wonder if she was saying them specifically to wind me up.

My DMum does everything in the house (except DIY) and my DDad does nothing (except DIY), but she doesn't see it as Her Job, she just says "well, im in and doing it anyways".

I think SIL may fall off her chair when she finds out I dont iron DHs clothes, make him a lunch for work or other little bits like that.

Sounds all a bit 'look at me' of her - perhaps she's struggling to redefine herself whilst on mat leave? Your DH's comment about 'embracing being at home' may suggest something similar. But some of it does seem to be for your benefit. I would recommend keeping up the comments along the lines of "I don't know, why don't you ask him?" when asked about your DH's sarnie preferences.

You only have to read MN to know that a lot of women let him be an extra DC!

I just wrote a really long post about being a carer and then mumsnet went offline and i lost the lot.

no! Thats a shame, care, could you sum up what it was?

I have now started a similar thread comparing what is expected of male carers to what is expected of female carers using the Corrie storyline as an example.
I just wanted to try to explain that its not as black and white as it seems.

where is your thread, carer ?

Here on the feminism board. How are you AF?

I am fine, carer, thanks

No. It isn't a wife's job to look after her husband.

Husbands are not children.

I don't work - and DS is a teenager - so I do tend to do all the housey jobs, and organise everyone. That is because I have the time to do it. I fit it in in between lunch dates with my mates and playing on the internet ha ha ha.

DH works for himself- he works long days sometimes. Today he has gone to visit a firm - setting off at 7am and he won't be home before 7.30pm. I WANT to help him - so got up at 6 with him, and made him some lunch to take.

I do consider it my job to keep the house running well - in that I sort out the laundry, cleaning, household bills, car insurances etc - and booking hols! That is because I don't have young DC to run around after.

DH does know how to cook and clean - and does it sometimes. I also try and encourage Ds and DSSs to do a bit of cooking - just to prove that it isn't a woman's role. (sometimes DH gets to do the ironing at the weekend, when DSSs are here, so they can see a man doing household tasks too!)

It does seem that despite it being 2012- a lot of people do still think that it is a woman's job to do it all. I have friends who work full time - have much younger DC and still are expected to run the household as well. That isn't right.

I only work one day a week (a very long day though) at the moment, so it is down to me to keep the home running. DH works in a hard manual job and is ready to eat the door off its hinges when he gets in, so yeah I do put the dinner up. We all eat together at 5.30 ish as I can't be doing with cleaning up twice.

However - if it was me who was working 60 hour weeks, DH would do things the very same as I do. We are a partnership. It does not matters who earns the £ / cleans the house etc, as long as its getting done!

I think it's the job of everyone in a family to 'look after', (care for, value, respect) each other.