also, I think anxiety about being allowed to satiate your hunger, and being allowed to even feel hungry (i.e. have needs) is extremely feminine-coded behaviour. Can you imagine for even a moment worrying about whether or not your child 'should' feel hungry? Can you imagine spending time thinking about whether or not your child should want to eat something so s/he can not feel hungry any more? Cos I can't. If my child is hungry, when he was very small, I fed him, and now he's bigger, I either give him food or tell him that there will be food very very soon. It makes perfect sense to me, that I should answer his needs. Why on earth shouldn't I answer my own? But there's still that doubt that I should.
I don't know of a single man who worries, when he's tired, if he should let himself sleep. Or who worries, if he's cold, if he should be feeling cold, or if perhaps giving in and putting on a jumper would be greedily-comfort-seeking.
Women are told that they aren't allowed to have needs or desires, and they're certainly not allowed to give themselves what they need or desire. Hell's bells: if women look after themselves then they're not looking after men, and we can't have that, can we?!
I think all the 'ooh, I'm having cake! i'm so bad! it will make me fat!' performance is a performance, yes, it's for others, but it is a way of propitiating the social stigma about women actually caring for themselves instead of others. "I'm feeding myself something I want or need, but so that you don't judge me for selfishly caring for myself, I will make a loud noise explaining that I know I am doing wrong, and I feel bad."
It makes me want to vomit, that we should be in this situation.