"i dont want you but you dont get to not want me"

[IAmBooyhoo]

gotye's 'somebody that i used to know'

the woman is 'low' for changing her number and having her friends collect her stuff yet he is the one who says he was glad it was over. i get a realy horrid feeling when i hear these lyrics. am i the only one?

I try hard not to listen to lyrics in chart-based music anymore. They nearly all show some form of misogyny, sexism or stereotyping. It's incredibly depressing. I find the current 'fashion' for lyrics featuring derogatory terms about women and glamorising abuse (physical or psychological) dressed up as passion particularly disturbing. It's not a new thing as such, but I think it's far more powerful than it's ever been at any other point in history because the media and popular culture is so all-pervasive now.

i agree with you. i dont think it's possibe to listen to an hour of chart music an dnot hear some for of sexism or misogyny. it's just that this particular somng caught my attention (it is very catchy, which makes the feeling even more creepy that i actually liked the song before properly hearing the lyrics i was singing)

You missed the best bit though - Her:

"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"

What's the tone of the song though? I've not heard it. Is he whinging and then she says ^ that in a "you're a deluded arsehole" way? Probably not, but worth asking!

It sounds quite similar to 'Romeo and Juliet' by Dire Straits - in that as well the guy has been persuaded the girl is really into him ('when we made love you used to cry') and then she just goes off with someone else and says 'Oh Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him'.

Having never heard this song or seen the video or anything, it therefore comes across more as 'god aren't some people bloody cruel to those who love them? Yeah well I'm gonna pretend it doesn't matter to me either' rather than being sexist per se. They're all lyrics a woman could sing as well.

I don't find it that horrid to be honest - to me it reads like just one of these heartbreak-but-trying-to-be-cool songs. You can read stalkerish things into it, but I don't actually think that that's what was implied.

I can see where you're coming from with your reading, but don't find it that strong to be honest. Might be also because compared to some stuff out in the charts, it's relatively harmless.

Now I'm still creeped out though, everytime I hear Let you go by Chase & Status on the radio

Don't think it's a modern phenomenon. Have you ever listened to the Best of Diana Ross and the Supremes? Or even some good old-fashioned Blues? Plenty women singing about how they'd do anything to get some shit back.

i think what creeps me out about it is the changing yory number and having your friends collect your stuff and he says she was 'low' to do that. but i'm thinking, "wel bloody well ask yourself why she had to change her number and get someone else to collect her stuff" surely it indicates that he was harrassing her (having to change her number) or that she didn't feel safe or comfortable returning to get her things. but he is talking as if 'how dare she cut me out ouf her life' .and then when she says that he had her believing it was something she'd done when he screwed her over. i'm thinking of how many posts i've read on MN where women have posted about being blamed/held responsible for their partner's/ex partners bad behaviour or bad moods.

bloody hell!! i've never heard that chase n status song. that is scary!!

DH and I had a discussion about this song and the video the other day. The jury is still out.

We can't quite decide it it is creepy and rubbish or quite good commentary on the dynamics of a certain type of relationship.

I agree with SQ that the part sung by Kimbra is very strong and she is quite contemptuous of him in the video. He appears to be in denial of what she says.

i think i need to see the video to get a better idea of what is being implied.

The Chase n status song reminds me of Sting's "I'll be Watching you" Creepy, nasty lyrics.

It is, IMO, deeply creepy and odd. The whole tone is very much, "you promised we would still be friends, you acted like you loved me, you broke up with me, which I'm pretending I was happy about but now you're trying to get as far away as possible from me and I don't like it. But I didn't need you anyway."

It just seems so much like those guys who talk about their ex's like they are lying bitches who cheated and lied and were horrible but the truth is that the men are just so angry that the woman doesn't want them anymore.

It's really, really punishing to the ex who doesn't want anything to do with him.

I dunno...I kinda of see it as a friendship unrequited thing, tbh.

And I think I have been there...I was (I can't say dumped, cos it wasn't really a relationship), but a guy I wanted for a while didn't want what I wanted, but he promised we'd be friends & for a while we were, but then he made it really hard to contact him & finally - there was nothing. There was no "I don't want you, but you can't have anyone else" just disbelief (because of my naivete) that he wasn't all that into being my friend. And yes, his actions were low. Because he should have been honest & not lied.

So, with that done...

It isn't that he thinks she can't have anyone else, just that he hates the fact that after her promising to be friends (which in reality she doesn't want to do, so says it as lots of people do - to make the break easier for them both) she doesn't want that, but to be able to deal with going forward, he needs that. Even tho he said he felt lonely [in the relationship] & didn't want her love, he still wanted her friendship. And that she was low to promise him he would always have that!

I hope that make sense.

I can't see it in the sense that you see it at all, OP! I quite like the song.

I guess we interpret these things differently, but I can't see it how the others do.

That other song (Chase & Status), you really need to see the video to get to grip with what the lyrics mean. I have my own ideas, but it is not a man talking about a woman, more like his alter ego, or split personalities. That something has a hold on him & it won't let him go.

I should add that I can see, from her POV, why she 'changed her number' etc. He obv was hung up on her, but she didn't want that.

The chase n status video looks like it might be based on Jeremy Kyle.

I've heard the song and saw an interview of it he seems quite a down to earth guy and wanted to sing about something 'other than the clubs'.

I get the impression its meant to reflect what usually happens in breakups rather than what should.

ok i've seen the video an i agree it has changed how i feell about the song. not sure exactly what it is but i do feel different. will think on it and maybe watch video again.

I agree with you here I go , I just love the song anyway.

yeah but sometimes you say you'll be friends with someone because otherwise, they won't let you leave the room.

Another take I have come up with is that he is actually signing to someone else (not Kimbra's character) & she (Kimbra) being his new gf is breaking it off with him because he is still hung up on an ex.

"You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"

I completely see it as hereigo does.

I can so see her having to say, "yeah, we'll be friends" because he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I've been in relationships like this. I've had an ex call me and angrily shout at me for not having the relationship he wanted to have post break up - one that was all on his terms and where we ended up in bed. I've also had it where an ex thought being friends meant having the same creepy control over my life as he had wanted when we dated, wrapped up in faux concern for me. He did the same to another ex gf of his that ended up being a friend of mine.

I really love this song but can't see it in any other way than the song of an abusive man who is angry at his ex.

I do realize that the song is not the singer though. :)