My Phone Sex Secrets

[allthegoodnamesweretaken]

Anyone watching this?
Can't help but think these women are slightly deluded. To me it seems like the show is trying to show them as empowered women because they are taking advantage of men's weaknesses for financial gain, when to me phone sex work is still sex work. You're still degraded for a man who you have no emotional connection with's sexual gratification.
Agree? Disagree?

Like... "you're a misogynist pedo swine. Bye" hangs up

I like hearing about other people's sexual desires and fantasies. I find it interesting. Oh and before anyone starts with the waa, waa, if you enjoy it you shouldn't take money for it, I don't see why enjoyment of a job stops a person having to pay the bills. If someone loves, for instance, music and likes to play an instrument for his/her own pleasure, that doesn't make it wrong for such a person to earn money as a session musician or a music teacher as well.

Cardgames: Yes, you have to end the call if the caller wants to discuss illegal stuff like paedophilia, bestiality or assault.

I don't get why anyone would object to other people choosing to do this work. There is no risk to the call operator, no one is trafficked into doing it and while it isn't all that well paid, at least you can do it from the comfort of your own home at hours that suit you.

That's good to hear Solid.
However I get the impression that most women do not choose phone sex work because they like hearing about random men's fantasies or find it erotic, but because they need money. And I don't like this at all - why are the most "easy" money options for women sex work ie servicing men? And I hate how men as a group expect and have the option to be sexually serviced in any way they want by a woman as long as they pay (or not!)- via prostitution, marriage, stripclubs...

An equally easy option (with an equal amount of ethical consideration attached) would be phone tarot/astrology work. The money's not much better and some people find it harder to do that kind of thing because the clients are often in such distress. Though again, conversely, if you're not a complete idiot you can often provide unhappy people with help and comfort, though it's at a price.

ALso, the 'finding it erotic' or not aspect: not all phone sex ops feel that way and generally not WRT every single caller; however there's a wide margin between finding it a big turn on and being horrified and disgusted and traumatized just by hearing a random stranger on the phone. Most of us are in the middle, nearer to the turn-on than the horror, but anyone who feels she would find it horrible should find something else to do.

And there are other 'easy' money options, such as Avon, Kleeneze, doorstep debt collecting.
Some people just do have a problem with the idea of sexual pleasure being a service you can pay a willing professional for, just like any other service. Stripped of coercion and cruelty, that's what it should be. Sex isn't sacred, it's just something that some people like doing and thinking about and talking about more than others do.

sgb I find your opinion that commercial 'sex' harms nobody if both parties consent breathtakingly naive. The idea that sexuality of any kind can operate in neutral territory in a society where the horror revealed by 'We believe you' is commonplace is astonishing. Obviously, phone sex feeds the attitude that men have 'needs' that somebody must satisfy. Is it not obvious why that's a bad idea?

There are many commercial transactions that are about wants and not needs. Paying someone to give you something you want is not inherently wrong, it's what all of us do all of the time. Some people are more concerned than others about the pay and conditions of suppliers, whether that's suppliers of an interactive experience or the working environment of whoever made your Iphone.

Men with a bad attitude, the sort who think that their needs must be met by a woman are often the sort who won't pay for any kind of sexual entertainment and would rather obtain gratification by coercion.

I saw the first 20 mins or so of this prog and was saying to DH it felt like an ad.

It was all plinky plonky happy silly music and ooh it's all a bit naughty seaside postcards type stuff.

I was wondering if they were going to show any women whose experiences hadn't been 100% positive, who didn't love their work, who didn't earn oodles of money. But the tone of it made me feel that they weren't. And it wasn't that interesting listening to women bring men off down the phone so I switched it off and went to bed.

I agree with upthread that progs which paint any sex industry work in a glossy happy harmless light, contribute to normalising it across the board. On the basis of that program for eg it would be a reasonable thing to send women to do from the jobcentre/workfare IYSWIM, it made it seem like a fun lucrative career choice. I didn't like it. I am sure that for some it is fun and lucrative but for others.... not so.

And I do feel that fundamentally sexual services are in a different category to other types of service that people offer. I think most people instinctively see selling eg cleaning services or pottery as being different to selling your body or offering orgasms to others through remote means.

I have been forced into workfare in the past as i explained upthread and it was either MORE workfare or the chatline job as it was the only PAID job being offered to me at that time.
i enjoyed working in that office and worked with a great bunch of girls who im still friends with ten years later.
Solid is right about the older callers. My oldest caller was 76,lived alone and was still interested in sex and wanted to talk about it and fulfil some fantasies.
I felt demeaned and demoralized by workfare as i wasnt being paid a wage for it so made to feel i wasnt worth anything.
I was paid for the chatline work so my confidence went up as my boss thought i was worth actually paying a wage to,unlike the exploitative companies who use workfare.

Solid are you a Black Lace writer. I read a few of those books in the "90s and a few more while i was working at that office for "inspiration".

Carer: Never wrote for Black Lace (though I know quite a few people who did).

Those of you who think it's wrong, what are your views on sex therapists and people who write and sell books - and indeed some cases advice lines - on how to have better sex? Or indeed the writers of erotic fiction? A sex therapist may have to listen to a client talking about fantasies that the therapist finds revolting or upsetting, after all.

carer were you compelled to do the chatline work by DSS/jobcentre? Or have I misunderstood?

I think carer's options were to go back to workfare, or take the chatline job. So not quite compelled, as workfare was an option, but not far off it.

Yes that was how I read it the first time.

It does concern me that if jobs like this are presented as normal and fun and lucrative on programs like this, it won't be long before people will be compelled to do it.

The saddest part of the programme was the rookie student's face when she met up with her 'friends' in the pub. One of the blokes felt he had the right to object to what she was doing, and to tell her so in no uncertain times. Her face fell and she seemed unable to defend herself.

I'm not sure if he feels the need to offer advice and guidance on all aspects of his female friend's lives, or just those aspects that pertain to sex and how their putative boyfriends might feel about it.

sgb The difference between so- called 'sex work' and other work is because sex is a site of political struggle for equality between men and women. The key demand has always been that women should have sex with men only if they want sex, not under coercion by poverty/threats/poverty etc, and that women have a right to sexual pleasure in such encounters. Neither of those precoditions are met in the 'sex' industry. Any pleasure women get from responding to men is purely coincidental. Men initiate and make all the demands. The 'sex' workers provide what the men want, not vice-versa. This is transparently obvious imo

Workers in any job provide what the customer wants, or accept that the customer will take his/her custom elsewhere, or may indeed suggest the customer takes his/her custom elsewhere, if what the customer wants is not available, Julia. And, once again, do you think that working as a sex therapist or adviser is wrong? Or writing erotic fiction for money and to provide others with entertainment?

Old Lady has summed it up. Thats exactly how it was.
piprabbit that pissed me off as well. That young lad thought it was ok to judge his student friend
I did notice that Jennys new boyfriend who she met through the chatline was more easygoing about it. It would have been a bit hypocritical if he had objected given how they met,but maybe because the older guy isnt still wet behind the ears and realises that bills need to be paid might also be the reason that he sees things differently.

Yes, sgb 'the customer is always right' that's why 'sex work' is indirect conflict with equality in sexual relationships. And it is laughable to think economic and sexual inequality are not related. Prostitution of women in any context is both cause and effect of women's oppression

Julia, the customer is always right in a restaurant or cafe, and domestic work is often a source of conflict (to the point of violence) in couple-relationships. That doesn't make it wrong to cook meals, either for pay or in the home.
I am aware of the mistreatment, exploitation and other wrongs that go on in the sex industry (and for that matter in the catering industry). I think sex work should be a fair transaction of service for pay, service provided by people who have chosen to do that kind of work and who have the same level of protection from crimes and abuse as any other service industry worker.

An insistence that any woman who engages in sex work freely, at any level (writing stories, phone sex, selling dildos/lingerie) must be deluded, a victim or a traitor to other women doesn't do anyone any favours.

Sex work should be paid, regulated and properly protected - otherwise, we stay in the situation we are in now, where if a prostitute makes a complaint she is met with "Weeerrrrrrrrrl, what do you expect?"

Colditz: Absolutely. It should be something that the workers choose to do, and they should have the same protection from abuse, harassment and non-paying customers as any other worker, and should not be stigmatized.

Agree with colditz and solid.

Cooking food is a good analogy. The customer in a restaurant doesn't get to choose what the chef cooks, then make them eat it too, do they? There are very few restaurants that discriminate in which customers they will serve, or which type of workers they employ. To do so would be against equality legislation.

Actually, there is a lot of both discrimination and abuse of staff in the catering industry.

To whoever said that women who do this don't enjoy it they are in it for the money - i think that is rubbish.

I have considered this, in fact have applied recently but was told that the firm i was recommended had no vacancies.

I have no problems in saying that i think i would enjoy it, I would be doing it for the money, but i would actually enjoy it. It was my DP who said to me that i should do it after watching the program, he said "you would be really good at that, i think you should look into it". I was a bit at first, but i DO have an active imagination and am very open minded.

I would be lying if i said that my face didn't look like when i found out how little i would be paid, and i think i may have resented tht there would have been a big difference between what i was being paid and what was being paid for the service. But i look at it that it would have enabled me to continue to do something i do voluntarily and enjoy and not have to give it up to find paid employment which is what i am going to have to do. IF i can get a job.

So i will probably keep trying to find myself an agency although am dubious of getting ripped off.